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When I open my eyes, he’s already knelt down next to me to pick the condoms up off the floor. As he looks up at me from his position on one knee, that ever-present mischievous twinkle in his hazel eyes, the smile that spreads across my husband’s breath-stealing face makes me wonder how I could possibly think to describe anyone else’s as beautiful, when it’s this one all others are compared to.
“Breathe, doll,” he murmurs, then stands to his full height, my head tilting back to keep eye contact with him.
“Christi short-circuited my brain again,” I tattle, and he chuckles, leaning in for a soft, quick kiss.
“Well, luckily, she did it in front of friends instead of strangers this time. Twyla, meet Antonio and Crystal. They’re the owners of the place that opened up across the street from our building downtown. Antonio and Crystal Garcia, this is my wife, Twyla Owens,” Seth introduces, his arm coming around my back to lead me toward the couple who came in before him. My first step stutters as he has to actually force my body to move in their direction, but I manage to reach my hand out in greeting on my own.
“Nice to meet you, Twyla.” Antonio shakes my hand, but when I offer it to Crystal, instead of taking my hand, she dips forward a little, as if to set her huge breast in my palm, before jumping back and turning to press her front to Antonio’s as they both burst into laughter at my loud squeak.
My hand is now pressed to my mouth as I look up at my husband, begging him with my eyes to save me.
“Okay, now I gotta know what I missed,” he says instead, and I glare at him before dropping my arm.
“The intimacy companions came in today,” I finally get out. “That’s what Christi was telling me to squeeze.” I look at Crystal again. “Not your… glorious décolletage.” I attempt humor in order to get me out of this loop of embarrassment, or I’m afraid I’ll be stuck in it for the rest of the day.
“Glorious décolletage,” she repeats in a breathy, thick Southern accent before glancing up at her man. “I like the sound of that way better than ‘your tig ole bitties.’” Which makes everyone laugh—including me, after the extra second it takes me to get it—and the tension leaves me. “But what the hell is an intimacy companion?”
“Um… it’s like a… human-shaped, life-size… um… non-living partner for?—”
“It’s a sex doll,” Seth inserts with a shrug. No shame. No stutter. He just states it as if he’s telling them the forecast after they asked what the weather’s supposed to be like tomorrow. “Supposed to be super lifelike.” He glances down at me. “You haven’t felt them yet? I know you’ve been looking forward to them coming in.”
My eyes widen once again and whip to the couple, and I rush to explain, “The skin. I’ve been excited to feel the texture of the skin. With my hand. Like… on the arm or something. Not any of the… intimate parts it comes with.”
Crystal gives me a “you are the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen” smile before looking up at Antonio. “She’s precious. Can I keep her?”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “You’ll have to ask Seth if he wants you around her. You might corrupt her.”
To that, my husband pulls me close, and when I look up at him, he lifts his hand to stroke his thumb along my jawline, sending a shiver down my neck and spine. “Believe me. If I wasn’t able to, nobody can.”
I melt against him as he pushes my glasses up my nose, then lets his finger trail down to the tip, as he’s done since we first met. After a moment of just absorbing my perfect opposite, my person, who tells me he loves me unconditionally just the way I am, I straighten and look back at Crystal. “I always have room for another girlfriend, especially a local businesswoman. Even if all the women in my life have made it a competition between themselves to see who can embarrass me the most.” I roll my eyes with a little laugh, totally used to being picked on. I know it’s all in good fun. Plus, the same people who tease me are also my biggest protectors and supporters, and I know they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t love me.
But still, a teeny-tiny part of me wonders if Seth wishes I wasn’t so… uncorrupted.
I know it’s silly of me, since he tells me every single day how much he loves me. Even on the days I’m in full-on mom mode, hair in a messy bun, covered in God knows what after chasing around our preschooler for hours. He makes it a point to end each night with a shared shower, in which he soaps up and caresses my tired and kid-goo-smeared body, all while telling me how beautiful each part of me is. A tradition started after I grew self-conscious of my post-pregnancy and c-section-scarred form.
He'd have none of it.
The former sadist turned pleasure Dom inside Seth took over my hilarious and sweet life partner, and Seven put me to bed every night, sated and with no doubts about how he felt about my body. “Different than it was before—but because of me, and still all mine,” he always murmurs when his soapy hand skims over my scar before moving around my hip to possessively grip my ass cheek.
Yet, as much as he’s made it perfectly clear he can’t get enough of my physical form, doubt still creeps in when it comes to me. My personality. My shyness that never seems to fade, no matter how many years go by or the exposure to situations I feel other people would’ve grown used to and be unfazed by.
Because above all else, I worry I’m not the sub my former-professional-Dominant husband always dreamed of. Not because I’m not submissive, because God knows I am. Especially to this man, who is so deserving of his role. But because—like earlier with Crystal and Antonio—I freeze.
Often.
Even when told exactly how to do something, even in the safe space Seven creates for us to play in, I frequently freeze, unable to follow his order, his gentle instruction, his clearly expressed desire. It’s as if someone suddenly flips a switch inside me and turns my power off, and I’m stuck in whatever position I was in when that order was given, unable to move, to speak, to convey in any way what I’m feeling.
It's never fear. Especially not with Seth, but never with “Seven” either. Not once has my Dom punished me in any way for insubordination. Instead, he’s always ended the scene and bundled me up with extra aftercare, so I’d know I hadn’t disappointed him.
Maybe that’s the problem, something whispers inside my mind, puzzling me, so I shoo it away.
No amount of reassurance from my husband, nor aftercare from my Master could possibly get rid of every doubt. And the one left inside my mind is powerful enough to make me wonder…
Is he truly happy, or just content?
“Sound good, doll?” Seth asks, squeezing me tightly to him to gain my attention.
I look up at him, feeling a little sullen and dazed from the path my thoughts had taken. “Hm? Sorry, I think I need some coffee,” I say with a forced laugh as I stand up straight, taking my weight from Seth, and his brows furrow just slightly but enough I catch the worry there. “Managing this store on top of being a mom has made me single-handedly responsible for keeping the coffee shop next door in business, I swear.”
