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They were seated in record time, Tori having already made reservations. She had gone all out on the dinner for sure. It was a nice place, fancy but not so much that jeans were unacceptable. Once they were seated, Miranda ordered wine. Maybe that would help her get through this meal and put her back on the right track.
“Tell me what I did,” Tori pleaded as soon as the waitress left.
Miranda pursed her lips. No matter how she said it, it was going to hurt, and it wouldn’t come out right. “It’s my job to raise Rebel.”
“Right…” Tori dragged out the word. “Maybe I’m confused, but you’re doing that. Quite spectacularly, if you ask me.”
Miranda warmed slightly at the praise, but then darkened again as soon as she met Tori’s gaze. She was going to have to get specific, wasn’t she? She hated this. It always made her feel awful and drained at the end. Avoiding that was normally easy, but with Tori, it was hard to want to.
“If you’re not comfortable with Aili—”
“It’s not Aili.” Miranda tightened again. “My parents—God love them, who knows why—didn’t really raise Tierney. I did.” There. She’d said it. That would explain everything, right?
“I’m not following.”
Miranda cursed inwardly. She was so bad at this. “Our parents raised me, mostly. But Tierney is sixteen years younger, and she was an unwanted surprise. When she was little, they didn’t bother themselves with an infant or a toddler.”
“So you did it,” Tori said it like a statement, not a question, but Miranda could see the question in her gaze.
She nodded. “I did it.”
“You were a baby raising a baby.” Tori’s eyes softened, as if finally understanding. “That must have been so hard.”
“Right, it was, but that’s not…” Why couldn’t she just say it? It was like something plugged up her throat, refusing to let the right words out. It frustrated the fuck out of her. She was forty-five years old, damn it. She should be so much better at this by now. “It’s my responsibility to raise Rebel.”
Now she was just repeating herself. This was going to get them nowhere. She fell into silence as their meals were set in front of them. She had zero appetite now. The food looked amazing, but she couldn’t even bring herself to take one bite of it. Tori hadn’t eaten anything either. Instead, she reached her hand across the table, palm up, as if expecting Miranda to grasp it.
She didn’t.
She couldn’t do that.
Miranda tensed again. She was going to need the longest, hottest shower after this to loosen the muscles in her shoulders. She dropped her eyes back to the table, unable to keep holding Tierney’s—no…Tori. She was here with Tori—gaze. What was wrong with her? She shouldn’t have let herself get mixed up in something that was nothing more than a fantasy. Tori sounded like she had everything together, but she didn’t. She couldn’t.
“Miranda.” Tori’s sternness cut through Miranda’s chaotic inner monologue. “Talk to me.”
“Rebel is my responsibility, and she should be with me.”
“Always?” Tori raised an eyebrow.
Miranda gave the slightest, almost imperceptible nod. “Tierney won’t do it, so I have to.”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve time for yourself.” Tori slid her hand back into her lap, but she didn’t look sad about it. In fact, it seemed as if she finally understood. “You’re not doing anything wrong by going out without her, you know.”
“She needs stability.”
“And she has it with you. You know that. Aili knows that. But you need to take care of yourself, as well.”
Miranda’s lips parted. “No, I don’t.”
“How can you think that?” Tori frowned. They sat in the silence for a second longer before she blew out a breath. “Look, I used to think that too. Especially right after my divorce. I thought that every moment Harley was with me that I needed to be there because she deserved it. And she does. But she also deserves a mother who is happy. And I can’t be happy if Harley is my life. I love my daughter, don’t get me wrong. But I am more than a mother.”
“I’m not a mother.” Miranda’s stomach churned. The emotions running through her were so foreign that it was taking everything in her to keep them straight and to find words that matched them. “I’m her aunt. And I’m the only one willing to take care of her.”
“And that’s honorable.”
“It’s not.” Miranda locked her eyes on Tori. “It’s not honorable. But I won’t make the same mistakes that my parents did or that Tierney is making.”
“So that’s what this is about.” Tori’s lips quirked slightly. “I don’t think you’re making the same mistake by going out for dinner one night out of the nearly three months you’ve had Rebel living with you.”
