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“I’m not saying this will be a forever thing,” she says. “I just don’t want to rush things, you know? Being pregnant has brought out so many different emotions in me I barely know what to do with them. On top of that, it’s a must that I fix things with my dad, and I need time and space to do that. Not speaking to him is killing me more than you know.”
I hate that she wants to leave. If I could go and rough Jeppie up right now and talk some sense into him, I would. But it’s no use. I know Felicia’s right, time and space will be best for all of us. She is also right about not rushing this relationship. I learned that with my first marriage. Rushing things only puts a strain on everyone involved and that’s not how I want to live my life these days.
“You can stay in my penthouse, if you want,” I say. “You’ll have all the time and space you need in there.”
“Thanks.” She smiles. “But no thanks. I really want to do something on my own for once. The last place I had was with a man I was engaged to. It's time for me to experience living on my own for once. I really do appreciate your offer though.”
For the rest of the night, we lay in bed looking at listings. There's a lot of nice homes and apartments nearby and I'm happy she’s liking what she sees. She’s got her heart set on a six month lease, that way, if she wants to move back early, she doesn’t have to be stuck in something long term. Even though I have the money to break whatever lease she gets herself into, I let her choose the path she wants to take.
“Do you think my dad will ever get over this?” she asks.
I'm not sure how to answer that, so I pull her closer and kiss her cheek. I’m afraid that if I say the wrong thing it’ll only make things worse for her and the last thing I want to do is stress her out during her pregnancy.
“Time will tell,” I say. “Hopefully, once he’s had a chance to cool down and you two have finally talked, he’ll see that we never meant to hurt him. Jeppie's a good man who loves you very much. You're all he’s had for a very long time, so I don’t see him walking away from that completely. He's just angry at the world right now and although it hurts, we have to allow him to express how he feels without judgment.”
Chapter Twenty-Three - Felicia
I've been fortunate enough to find a nice apartment. It’s only been three days since I moved out of Marc’s place and into my own and I must say, I love having my own space. More than anything, I love being able to afford it on my own. Maybe this is what I needed all along.
My belly is growing by the day it seems. I'm hungry all the time, I feel tiny feet and hands punching and kicking at my sides more often now. My fear of being a mother is slowly subsiding and I'm becoming more comfortable being pregnant, but I do miss Marc.
Melissa has flown in from California to keep me company since I haven’t been living with him. Even she feels like some time apart will do us some good. “Have you let him come over yet?” she asks, coming into my very own living room to sit with me before we head out for my doctor's appointment.
“Not yet,” I sigh and rub my belly. “I’m not ready to. I miss him, sure. But I really need to think about what we’re doing here and if this relationship is actually something that can work long term. You know? I don’t want to end up in another hopeless cycle, like what Sean and I had. I want to be in love. I want to raise my child with someone who loves me the same way I love them. I want to be happy.”
Melissa's such a hopeless romantic, her eyes are already glossing over with tears. She's been single for the longest time because she refuses to settle for mediocre, and honestly, I admire that about her so much. I wish I could be the same way.
“That’s exactly the way love is supposed to be,” she says. “Two people who consider each other at every moment. Two people who want so badly to build a life together, share their worlds together. It doesn't have to be rushed or forced upon anyone. It just flows naturally.”
“Yep. Marc and I have fun together and we mesh so well. My pregnancy hormones have me second guessing a little, but I think we’ll be fine. I just need time to myself for a while. I want to get back on good terms with my dad and I think having Marc around too much will make him stray further and further away. I love Marc dearly, but I can’t do this without my dad. He's all I've had for a long time and I'm all he’s had for a long time. This is his first grandchild, he can’t NOT be a part of this journey with me.”
I slip into my shoes and grab my coat as we head for the door. Marc will be meeting us at the doctor's office for our first check-up and I'm excited to see him there. We see each other pretty often throughout the week, but it’s mostly at work or meeting up somewhere for dinner. He's very patient with me during all of this and I couldn't ask for a better partner to share this experience with.
Once we’re at the doctor’s office, things become even more surreal to me. I see more pregnant women who are way further along than I am and find myself eager to be in their shoes. It seems like the more my baby grows and the more active he or she is, the more I want to become a mommy. Marc notices it too.
“Are you nervous?” He asks. “Seeing all these women makes me feel like I’m having a baby for the first time again too.”
“A little,” I chuckle. “I never thought I would see the day where I'd be pregnant.”
Although she gave me some tough love when she first got here, I’m grateful that she came.
“Hi there, Ms. Delgado. I’m Dr. Roth. How are you today?”
Dr. Roth is an older woman with a bright smile. She's short and petite, a lot like my mother, and seems to have such a kind and friendly spirit already. Hopefully she’ll be here with me every step of the way.
“I’m fine,” I smile. “Nervous. This is my first time.”
“Oh, no need to be nervous,” she says. “We'll take good care of you here. We have a friendly staff who love our patients genuinely. Being a first time mom can be very challenging, but we’ll help in whatever way we can.”
I'm so relieved to hear. I know Marc will help in whatever way he can, but it feels better to hear it from a woman. Especially a doctor. I wonder if Doctor Roth has children of her own, but I don't ask because it feels a little rude to
“We’re here for a full checkup and ultrasound today, right?” she confirms with us.
“Uh, yes,” I replied nervously. “I think so. This will be my first full exam. Will I get to see the baby today or is it still too soon?”
“Oh yes! We'll even get you some pictures to take home. So, just get undressed and put on the gown. I'll step out of the room for a short minute, and we can get on with the show once I'm back.”
I do as she says and wait for her to return. Melissa and Marc are at my side every step of the way, encouraging me to relax and get better prepared for the baby’s introduction. They're both even picking my brain for a name. Something I haven't even thought about at this stage.
