AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Gray’s big body shifts as if he can’t keep still. With a noise of impatience, he pushes his thick thigh against my sex, nudging the sensitive flesh there. And I groan, my legs clamping down on the muscled length. The hard throb of his erection is at my hip, demanding my attention.
“Gray. What are we doing?” I’m seconds away from begging him to fuck me hard and fast against the mattress.
His hand slides down my back, drawing me closer. “Don’t think,” he says, not leaving my mouth. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to matter.”
It takes a second for his words to sink in. And then they do. It surges like an ice-cold wave, stealing my breath and making the walls of my chest clench. We’re just fooling around. At least in Gray’s eyes. And I thought...
Another wave hits me, this one hot with humiliation. I’m emotionally invested.
Completely.
So stupid. Especially since Gray has flat-out told me that sex is just sex to him. I know he cares about me. But what we’re doing doesn’t matter to him in the same way it does to me.
He doesn’t notice I’ve gone still. Almost roughly, he palms my ass as he kisses a path along my jaw.
“Mmm... So good. Why did we wait so long to do this?”
Yes, why? When we could have been friends with benefits all along, had a quick fuck whenever the mood struck us?
I can’t breathe. I need to breathe. His big body pressed against mine is no longer a comfort but a weight I can’t bear. My stomach lurches.
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
It’s enough to make him pause and lift his head in shock.
Wrenching free, I scramble from the bed and sprint to the bathroom just as Gray calls out to me.
Ignoring him, I slam the door behind me and lock myself in the safety of the bathroom a second before Gray catches up to me. A thud vibrates the door as if he’s bumped into it, and I hear his muffled curse.
“Ivy.” His voice is urgent. Worried. “Ivy, what—”
“I’m okay,” I practically shout. I’m not. Nausea has me panting and my face is too hot. I lean against the door, pressing my cheek to the cool wood. I want to sink down and curl up into a ball.
God, I’m so stupid. So weak, letting sex cloud my judgment. I can’t do casual. My heart is already invested.
Gray’s voice is so close I know he’s leaning against the door too. “Talk to me, Mac. Please. You’re kind of freaking me out here.”
My eyes close. What do I say? I don’t even know what to think right now. Only that his words are spinning in my head. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to matter.
The slickness between my legs and the residual tenderness from my orgasm has me shuddering. I press my thighs together as if the action can blot out what he’d done to me and how perfect it had felt.
“Ivy, honey, I know that was unexpected.” He gives a wry laugh. “And not exactly within the bounds of friendship, but—”
“Stop,” I blurt out, panic and regret rising once more. “Just please stop talking.”
I can’t stand hearing him say those words again, that the best feeling of my life didn’t matter to him the way it mattered to me. I’ll scream.
“All right,” he says slowly. Another scratch against the door has me wondering if he’s put his hand to it. “But can you come out? I need to see that you’re okay.”
I hate the worry in his voice. Because it means he knows I’m way more affected by this than he is. It grates. And there is no fucking way I’m facing him right now.
“Look,” I say to the door. “I just need a moment to myself. Could you...” I lick my dry lips. “Could you just go home?”
Silence is heavy. When Gray finally answers, he sounds pained. “Ivy... Don’t send me away. I’m sorry that I—”
“No!” My shout echoes in the bathroom. “No more, Gray. I can’t talk about this now. I can’t.” Tears prickle behind my eyes. I’m so humiliated. I just want the floor to swallow me up. “Not right now. Okay? Just. Go.”
He doesn’t respond, but I can feel his resistance like a heavy hand against my skin.
