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‘I didn’t want to feed the Heaven’s Cove rumour mill. Is it still as bad as it used to be?’
‘Oh, yeah.’ Sean whistled through his teeth. ‘The new gossip queen of Heaven’s Cove is a woman called Belinda. She’s nice enough, but nosy as hell. Do you know her?’
Caitlin shook her head. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Probably best to keep it that way unless you want all of your deepest, darkest secrets up for grabs.’ He nodded at a wooden bench they were walking past. ‘Look, shall we sit down for a minute?’
He swept snow from the seat and sank onto it. Caitlin followed, ignoring the cold that immediately began to seep through her jeans. Sean cleared his throat. ‘Anyway, the reason I wanted to see you before you go back to London is because I have something to ask you.’
‘OK.’
He shifted round towards her and took a deep breath. ‘Why did you drop me like a hot potato the minute you left Heaven’s Cove?’
‘What do you mean? I didn’t,’ she protested, feeling adrenaline prickle through her.
‘You didn’t?’ He gave an incredulous laugh. ‘Come on, Cait. I’ve been waiting fifteen years for an answer and all you can do is deny what you know very well happened. But if you need reminding, before you left we sat here on the cliffs and you cried. You must remember that, surely. You promised you’d be back soon and we talked about me coming up to the city to visit you. We vowed to stay together. But the minute you got up to London, everything changed.’
Caitlin opened her mouth to protest but closed it again. What could she say?
‘I mean, I get that we were young and people change but the way you did it…’ Sean shook his head. ‘Basically, you ghosted me, Cait. Your calls became increasingly sporadic and before long I could never get hold of you. You stopped texting and you stopped coming home.’
‘I did come back to Heaven’s Cove sometimes,’ said Caitlin weakly.
‘Very occasionally for fleeting visits, and you never had time for me, did you? I only found out about your visits after you’d gone back to London.’
Caitlin opened her mouth again, to argue that she hadn’t behaved quite so badly. But she couldn’t do it. Every word of what Sean had said was true.
She breathed out slowly, feeling like a balloon deflating. Deep down, she’d known this was coming, from the moment she’d seen Sean at the garage when she’d brought her car in for repair. She’d known that she deserved it.
‘Well?’ he urged. ‘Are you going to run away again without giving me any answers?’
Caitlin slowly shook her head, wishing she’d never got out of bed that morning. ‘You’re right. I behaved appallingly and, though you probably won’t believe me, I’m very sorry about it.’
‘Was I really that awful, that you couldn’t wait to drop me? Did our relationship mean so little to you?’
Sean ran a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration that Caitlin remembered so well. She sniffed, close to tears.
‘No, it was the opposite of that. Our relationship meant everything to me.’
‘So, why did you drop me like that?’ Sean’s face was a picture of confusion. ‘I just don’t get it, Cait. What did I do wrong?’
‘Absolutely nothing. You did absolutely nothing wrong.’ Caitlin was shivering with emotion.
‘So what’s the truth? I think you owe me that much.’
He was right, and she knew it. ‘OK. The truth is it wasn’t you, it was me.’
‘Great!’ Sean jumped to his feet. ‘I put my dignity on the line to ask you for an answer and all you can do is feed me a cliché?’
‘Please don’t go.’ Caitlin grabbed hold of Sean’s arm and pulled him back onto the bench. ‘I promise it’s not a cliché. Well, it is sometimes, but in this instance it’s not because it’s the truth.’ She blinked, her eyes swimming with tears. ‘I did care about you, Sean. I really cared. A lot. And that was the problem.’
Sean shook his head. ‘I still don’t get it.’
‘I was desperate to get away from Heaven’s Cove but I hadn’t factored you into my escape plan. I hadn’t factored in…’ She swallowed, almost unable to admit it to herself. ‘I hadn’t factored in falling in love.’
Sean was staring at her, saying nothing.
‘I wanted to stay in touch but I knew that if we did, or if I saw you, then I might want to come back to Heaven’s Cove for good. And I couldn’t. I needed to get away from this suffocating place and make something of myself.’ She was finding it hard to catch her breath. ‘I should have told you but I was a coward and pretty mixed up. That’s not an excuse but I hope it’s an explanation. I know what I did was wrong and cruel, but I felt lost and I made bad choices. I protected myself at the expense of other people – I hurt you and I hurt Isla and my grandmother. And I can’t take any of that back. It’s too late. But I can say sorry.’ Her chest was so tight, she could hardly breathe. ‘And I am sorry. Truly sorry.’
