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‘Please,’ Stan interrupted, turning his head and staring straight at her. ‘I think you need to know.’
Magda’s breath caught in her throat at Stan’s expression. She thought she’d seen every side of him – loving father, bereaved husband, kind friend. But he looked vacant, as if the light in his eyes had gone out.
‘Know what?’ she asked, a hollow feeling in her chest.
‘I don’t quite know how to say this so I’ll just say it straight.’ He wiped a hand across his face. ‘I’m dying.’
Magda couldn’t breathe. She stared at him mutely.
‘Not immediately, but sooner rather than later. Certainly sooner than I’d anticipated. They call it a neurological disorder. I ignored the signs because I was so sad after Penny died. I didn’t really care if…’
He petered off and a hush fell over the room. Below them, Magda could hear a hum of conversation as people came into the shop and were served by Jack. People whose lives hadn’t just been turned upside down.
‘Is that why you fell over the other day?’ she managed.
He nodded. ‘My balance has been off for a while and I’ve been finding it harder to walk. My joints have stiffened up and sometimes my speech seems affected. Anyway, they’ve done some tests and investigations which have confirmed what they suspected.’
‘But there must be treatment you can have,’ insisted Magda, her head reeling.
‘There’s no cure. I might have a couple of years – more, if I’m lucky. Though I’m not sure luck comes into it,’ he said, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice. ‘I can pursue what treatments there are but I’m not sure I want to overly prolong things, to be honest. Longer isn’t always better. I saw that with our John. He had a few extra months of life but the treatments that gave him that took their toll.’ For the first time, tears sprang into his eyes. ‘Anyway, that’s what I wanted to tell you.’
He went back to staring at his hands in his lap as another hush descended.
‘And what does Jack say about you not wanting to prolong things?’ spluttered Magda, her words coming out more sharply than she’d intended.
‘Jack doesn’t know yet. He’s got enough on his plate with his mother’s death and then his marriage breaking up. He’s lost right now, Magda.’
‘But he needs to know!’ Magda glared at Stan, suddenly angry. ‘Penny kept everything quiet and it didn’t help in the long run. You can’t keep this from Jack, and he might be able to bash some sense into your head about treatments.’
‘I doubt it. He saw what happened with John, and you know what Jack is like. He’ll work out the cost-benefit ratio and probably come to the conclusion that I’m right. But I will tell him.’ Stan sighed. ‘Everyone faced with this makes their own decisions based on their own circumstances, and this is my decision. I’ll be joining Penny, so I’m at peace with it.’
‘I’m not.’ Magda began pacing again as red-hot fury coursed through her body. This wasn’t fair on any level. Not for Stan, not for Jack, and not for her.
‘Thank you for caring.’ Stan’s words were level and polite. ‘But decisions about my health aren’t yours to take. They’re mine and I will make them.’
He ate another mouthful of ice cream and closed his eyes to savour the taste. Not as if it was the first ice cream he’d ever tasted, Magda realised. But as if it might be the last.
Selfish, she wanted to yell. You selfish man! This isn’t just your life you’re talking about. You need to fight.
But she couldn’t make a fuss. Not here and not now, when Stan was coping with such devastating news himself. What kind of heartless woman would that make her?
So Magda did what she always did when visited by pain, sorrow and anger. She took a deep breath and tried to put herself in the other person’s shoes. It was his life, she told herself. His life to do with whatever he wished.
‘The fact of the matter is, I don’t have enough to live for,’ he said suddenly, dropping his spoon with a clang into the bowl. ‘Not any more.’
‘You have a son and a grandson.’
You have me, echoed through Magda’s head.
‘And they’ll be fine without me. Jack is going through a tough patch but he’ll come out the other side, and I know he’ll always have you to look out for him.’ Stan stopped and gave her a questioning look. ‘You will look out for him, won’t you?’
‘Of course I will. Why do you even need to ask?’ Though she’d damped down her anger, she still sounded irritated and cross. ‘But they need you.’
‘No, they don’t.’ He shrugged. ‘They just need each other.’
‘I need you,’ Magda blurted out, unable to contain her true emotions a moment longer.
‘What? When I spend most of my time moaning about the weather?’ He chuckled. ‘No, you don’t, Magda. And I can’t go on forever. That, as Jack would say, is not a scientifically valid proposition.’ He glanced at the photo of his dead wife and shook his head. ‘So, cut me some slack, Magda. Stop looking so cross with me for being ill and let’s have that cup of tea you promised when you came in.’
