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“Okay,” she said cautiously.
“Would you like something to drink?” Linney’s eyes flew up to his. “It’s alright. Just because I don’t drink anymore doesn’t mean you can’t have a glass of wine if you like.”
Linney’s cheeks coloured, and she dropped her eyes to her lap. “I’m sorry. I just don’t…”
Mac waved away the waiter. This wasn’t his first apology, but it would be his hardest. They weren’t ready to order yet. “Linney, we’re going to have to get past this if you’re going to come back to TCN.” His words were kind, but she was flustered. “Look at me. Please.” Her eyes flickered up tentatively. “Part of my recovery journey is to make amends. Or at least try. I’ve apologized to a lot of people. You’re the only one left. I was horrible to you. I let alcohol kill a wonderful relationship. There is no excuse for my behaviour.”
His words sounded sincere, and from what MJ had said, Mac was stable. Linney did her best to be open as he continued.
“I let you down time and time again and I said horrendous things to you just to build myself up. And I can only imagine the effect that had on you.” Mac continued shakily. “I have nightmares about the things I can’t remember that I need to ask forgiveness for.” Linney blanched and put her hand to her mouth, remembering him pushing her against the wall. “And then there’s that scar.” Linney pulled her hand from her face and rubbed the thin white line that remained from where she had cut herself on a shard of the mason jar he’d broken. “I hurt you in too many ways. I am so deeply sorry.”
Mac took a deep breath. “You may not realize it, but you and Gemma—the shock of you leaving me and then her ultimatum—that’s what made me finally realize I needed help. Before then I actually thought I was handling things. Rehab was the best thing that ever happened to me. Six months of intense therapy while I was there and then another three months afterward. I learned a lot about myself, and why I react the way I do. And I learned some coping mechanisms.”
“And you’re confident that will keep you from drinking again?” She had to ask it.
He nodded. “Yes. I’m still seeing a therapist—I probably will for years—and I go to AA meetings at least twice a week. I have a sponsor—he’s a journalist too, so he gets it—and we get together for coffee every Friday.” He laughed. “No more Friday pub nights for me.”
“And the other nights?” Linney’s eyes were steady on his now. “Because it wasn’t just Fridays.”
“And the other nights I go to the gym or go home. And if I have the urge to drink, I go to another meeting. It’s working, Linney. And I’m doing everything to make sure it does.”
Linney let out a breath. “I’m glad for you, Mac. But can we redefine our relationship? Put it back in a professional box?” Her hands mimed the shape.
He nodded. “We can. I already have. I might pine for you forever, Linney McDonnell, but I am under no illusion that you would ever take me back.” Her smile was tentative. “My sponsor would probably kill me if you did. That’s not why I’m doing this. I asked you to come back to TCN because you are a fine journalist, and the network would be foolish not to pursue you.” Mac beckoned the waiter. “Now let’s get you a glass of wine, and sparkling water for me and you can ask me all the questions you need to.”
Ever the journalist, she grilled him, and he was forthright, not sugar coating anything. Linney deserved the truth. He told her about the horrors of detox—how badly his hands had shaken, how every inch of his body itched one moment and was drenched in sweat the next. Linney winced when he told her about the vomiting and hallucinations of that first week. He’d needed diazepam to keep him calm and get him through it. Detox was not for the faint of heart.
“Just as it started to get easier, it got even harder,” he explained, spearing asparagus with his fork. “I still craved a drink with every fibre of my being. I just had no access. So they taught me how to build new habits. Gemma came to see me a few weeks in.”
“I remember. You asked for me too.”
Mac nodded. “That was unfair. I was still a little bit crazy, and I thought I had a chance with you. I still had work to do. I meditate now, did I tell you? Imagine, me, meditating!” He chuckled, and Linney did too. They were finding their way.
“Was it hard when you got out?” she asked.
Mac put down his fork. This was where it got real and he wanted to be honest with her. “Linney, not a day goes by when I don’t want a drink.” He saw the cloud cross her face, but he continued. “Suddenly temptation was everywhere. I went to AA meetings every day for a while. Sometimes twice a day. Paddy—that’s my sponsor—got calls and texts from me constantly.”
Linney nodded. “But you’ve never faltered?” It was a tough question, but she needed to know.
“Not once. It was a miracle that Gemma was willing to offer me a second chance professionally, and I will not blow that. And if it means I never socialize with the news team, then that’s the price. I’m happier and healthier than I’ve been my entire adult life. My fifties are going to be the best decade ever!”
They ordered dessert, and the conversation turned to how they would work together at TCN. The more they talked, the more comfortable Linney became with the proposed arrangement. Crazy as it sounded, this could work. Maybe she really could come home to TCN.
In the end, Linney promised Rob his three more months but told him he’d need to look for someone else at the end of it. After several meetings with Mac and with HR, they hammered out a deal that everyone was comfortable with. She’d return to London in December. The TCN team would always be family to her.
* * *
Olivia went into labour at home a few weeks before her due date. Derek had been with her when her water broke and they left Leo with Zuzanna. He was frightened both his wife and child, but the doctor assured him the baby would be fine. Olivia just wanted it over. She was never doing this again.
It was a quick delivery, and just a few hours later, tiny but perfect, Ivy joined their family. Fortunately, her lungs were well-developed and Ivy was big enough that she didn’t need to be in the NICU. For that, Olivia was relieved, but she was exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep. So that left an ecstatic Derek to make late-night phone calls to family and friends. Checking his watch, he realized it was the middle of the workday for Linney.
Hey, Auntie Linney! Guess what? My daughter was too impatient to wait. Next time you come home, you’ll meet Ivy. We’re soooooo happy. Talk to you soon.
Congratulations!!! Give my love to Olivia and little Ivy. And of course Leo. Pictures please!!
Derek sent a few and Linney sent him back several heart emojis. She was in a rush. Moving day—back to London was just a few days away.
Zuzanna brought Leo to the hospital the next morning and Derek introduced him to his sister.
