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There was such a long pause that Ardol wondered if he’d committed some offense. He’d have to ask Dax or Elio. The human Knights might be able to explain.
“I... I... Claude! Claude, the little cub, makes me happy. I mean, he’s not so little, I guess, but he does make me very happy. He’s a good kid.” Jade’s whole face changed, softening into a smile that let Ardol catch a glimpse of the small lines around her mouth and eyes.
“A cub of your own? Would that make you happy?”
“I hope so, since we’re going to have one.” Jade moved to the bedside table and turned on the small lamp. “Unless I have the injections, there’s no chance I can get pregnant naturally, right?”
“None.”
She sat and smoothed the bed next to her. “Like, I said, I’m yours. What would you like to do tonight?”
Ardol looked around the room. He’d rather make love in his own quarters, which were far more opulent and made him feel like he was in control—the host, not merely a guest.
His cock had other ideas, throbbing insistently. When he stood, the bulge was obvious, but Jade wasn’t even phased by it. Her face still bore a sweet smile and flat, dull eyes.
“I want to make you smile,” Ardol said.
Her face changed from the placid smile into genuine surprise. A spark flickered in her eyes, then vanished. “Well. That’s new.”
“Ugh.” Ardol scraped a paw through his carefully slicked fur, messing it up and not caring. “This isn’t an ideal marriage. I know that, but I don’t want it to be an unhappy one. My father’s wives were always happy enough.” Another groan, another pivot in the small room. “I don’t know if that was because of his wealth and power or because of him. Their feelings... Everyone on my ship is ‘in love’ or has lost their great love. Leopardines in my circle don’t talk about love.”
“Poor little rich boy,” Jade sighed.
He threw her a snarl. “I’m aware that this doesn’t need to be discussed or shared. I thought maybe you were interested, seeing as you applied to be someone’s wife. and I accepted you. We don’t have to talk about things. Bastet knows I never saw my parents converse unless they were hosting a party.”
She rose, hands at her waist. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Look, in my circle, only fools talked about love. Pretty, brainless girls who would get attached to clients, even fall in love with them. They were sure Mr. Big Spender or Mr. Cute and Shy really loved them back, that these jokers would come and rescue them from their lives at the Pleasure Parks. I never saw it happen, not once in ten years. The only thing I ever saw that came close was when someone in the Pain and Pleasure Zone would want one girl to be his personal slave, and he’d pay a fortune so that she was only allowed to be ‘used’ by him.”
“Why not ask her to leave and live with him then?” Ardol asked, feeling faintly sick. He was all for sexual adventure, but the way Jade described it was so... sad. Such an illusion.
“Who knows? Maybe he had a wife back home. All I know is that every time a girl would believe she was someone’s ‘love,’ someone’s ‘special person,’ she would wind up crushed when the man eventually stopped coming, couldn’t afford her, or asked to try out someone else. If you’re looking for some dewy-eyed young thing who believes in love, you’re shit out of luck. But if you want a pretty, competent Queen to be your wife in all the ways that count, that gives you what you need —an heir, a bride to keep your dad from passing the crown onto some other brother—I’m what you want.” Her face twitched, a real smile forming. It was tired and drained, but it didn’t steal her beauty, only softened it. “We can still be happy.”
Ardol cocked his head, appraising her. “You’re the first Queen to speak to me so honestly— besides Cala. Cala talked to me like this when she was ending our engagement. She is marrying an Avian. An Avian she loves, that is.”
Jade shrugged. “I don’t have to be honest. I’m used to being whatever the client wants.”
“No, no. I want you to be yourself. Does... Does that make you happy?” I can live without love. But I would prefer to live without misery.
JADE FROZE, SUDDENLY uncomfortable. Be myself?
Even during this last year, she had not been herself. She couldn’t relax, couldn’t fit in. Even when she was alone, it usually took her more than one day to stop thinking like she was “on.”
Do I know how to be myself at this point? I’m not even sure who I am. We are so often defined by our contracts and the work we choose—or are forced to choose.
I know what I want. Security. Money. Get off this planet where I’ll never fit in. Never, ever go back to Sapien-Three.
Do I know what makes me happy?
Claude. Talking with Claude after school or while he does his chores around the lodging house makes me happy.
I think... I think Ardol might make me happy. He treats me like a person, not a tool.
But I’m still just the thing he needs to do a job. If it wasn’t me, it would be someone else.
Her voice was filling the small room, but Jade wasn’t aware that she had started speaking. “I’m happy enough. This particular job makes me happy. Your thoughtfulness makes me happy. But when I used to work at the Pleasure Park, we gave our clients lists of boundaries.”
Ardol nodded slowly. “Physical boundaries? Of course. I will respect whatever you wish.”
Mouth still moving, voice calm and detached, Jade ran over her list. “No impact play.”
