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The high turret was one of my hiding places, it was also the best place to view the town of Turin and the expanse of the Realm beyond. The bustling streets of the capital were a jumble of roofs and twisted streets from this height, but the plains that stretched past the city were the real beauty. From up there they were a never ending wash of greens and browns that stretched into the stormy horizon before continuing on forever. Somewhere far from Turin was a land untouched by the Ramal and my mother. A place outside of Okivo. How far would I have to go to be free? How far would I make it if I tried to find it?
From way up there, it didn’t seem so far, it didn’t seem so impossible as I sat, watching the distant rain roll over the world as the thunderous clouds moved closer to Turin. Seeing it from far above I could imagine what the world was like.
That was all I had.
I hadn’t been outside the castle walls since I was child, and even then I hadn’t been allowed outside my carriage. I didn’t even know what was out there, I only knew them as names on the maps I had studied for hours on end back when I had thought I could find a way out of this fortress and escape my prison.
I had even made a plan to journey out of Turin by way of The Spine Road, make my way to the Forest of Ok and the Temple of the Sister where the chosen servants of the Goddess would surely help me. If I looked hard enough I was sure I would see the red trees of the Forest of Ok, the hint of the gold leaves that never fully form every year. Those red trees would be full of tiny golden leaf buds when they arrived for the wedding, the golden leaves never fully growing before they prepared to drop for winter, and I would miss it.
The Forest of Ok was where the last battle in the Black War had been held and the Goddess Leilan abolished the Sister and the Fae, saving the Lynar from the enslavement the Fae had locked them in and returning what was left of the magic. I had heard that it was sacred from my tutors, although all the servants talked about it as though it was haunted, telling stories about how the trees themselves would come alive to devour anyone who entered. I wasn’t sure which I believed, all I knew was that every painting or carving I had seen of it was beautiful.
Just like the rest of the world that I longed to see.
It was a foolish dream from a girl who thought there was a life outside of this; that there was a way out of this.
They were all dots on the old parchment now, each of those dreams all somewhere off in the distance. But I was in the Runturin, backed against the high, sharp points of the Luftyn mountains, locked behind the high stone walls built strong enough to keep out Fae.
I popped another blueberry in my mouth and wiped my fingers on my skirt again. The Boy shifted his weight beside me, moving closer. I didn’t need to see his face to know what he was thinking, why he was so close, what he had thought I was about to do.
Once, nearly eight years ago, after Mother had moved my room to the opposite end of the castle, I had come up there, ready to throw myself off the edge and be done with this place.
Be done with everything.
He had stopped me. He had pulled me off the ledge and stopped me, he had held me and soothed me as I cried that she didn’t want me. He had signed in his simple way that he wanted me. It had been enough to keep me there. But with how close he was sitting, with how the arm closest to me was holding on so tightly to my skirts, something I am sure he didn’t think I would notice; I was sure he thought I was about to do the same.
I ate another blueberry, and continued swinging my legs, my mind still reeling with what I had seen.
“I can’t leave him. I won’t leave either of them,” I said suddenly, the Boy's posture visibly sagged in relief. “I have to try to find a way to help him.”
‘How,’ he gestured, his hands moving about in front of him in question.
I didn’t look away from the city as I popped another blueberry in my mouth.
“That’s what I’m hoping you can help me figure out.” I turned to him then, offering him a blueberry which he did not take, not that he could eat around me anyway.
He shrugged, gesturing toward the city and then himself and shrugged again.
“Where is his Catalyst?” I asked, piecing together what he was asking. He nodded, gesturing again to himself and the city again.
“I don’t know. He was in the throne room a few days ago. But it’s not like I see my family that often, I don’t know if that is usual. I have to believe that he is still close, but having him not with his Requisite…” my rambling trailed off, heart clenching at the reminder of the bare remains of his Catalysts quarters, at the squalor Father was in. It had been that way for a while, too.
“It’s a royal matter,” I parroted what my mother had said and sighed. “I need to find my Uncle.”
The Boy again gestured to himself, then to the city far below us, his motions almost frantic before they suddenly stopped and he turned and faced toward the city again, his body angling away slightly.
“What?” I asked, leaning closer. “Do you know where he is?”
“Know where who is?” Batian said from right behind me, his boots scuffing and sword scraping as he moved to sit on the other side of me.
“No one,” I answered quickly, shoving another blueberry in my mouth.
Batian smiled, his body folding as he swung his legs over the edge.
“Are you sure you want to sit? You’ll get your pretty white bum all scuffed.”
“I’ll take my chances. Besides, you look like you need company. I don’t like how alone you are.” He grinned and patted me on the head the way he always did, mussing up my already tangled curls.
I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t alone, that I was never alone, that the Boy was always with me; just as his Catalyst was always with him. But, sometimes, I wasn’t even sure if he knew his Catalyst was there.
