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“Everything go alright?” Jayse asked, the shop rocking as she emerged from the backroom, head and bag already dealt with.
“Ri went home,” I sighed, pulling my cloak off to hang it on the hook by the door. “And yes, everything went well.”
She was still looking at me with that same worry she always had. That caring concern that I was sure would mean something to someone, that would take someone’s breath away. I didn’t need her concern. I had told her this enough. I pushed the agitation away; I was too tired to lecture her on why I was dangerous and not a good match for her.
“I’m fine,” I whispered, placing my hands on either side of her face, my palms hot against the ocean chill on her skin, her face soft against the worn calluses on my hands. “I promise.”
I kissed her forehead as if sealing the deal, which thankfully calmed her fears.
“I didn’t expect the head,” she nodded toward the back.
“I picked up his scent after I finished with the aristocrat.” I had made it look like an accident, as requested, the man’s body was found face down in a pigsty only minutes after he wandered drunk out of the tavern he frequented.
It always took more of my power to take two through the Ether, but the aristocrat was young and vibrant, he had more than enough life for me to take.
“I can take it to the vendor tomorrow,” I mumbled, kicking off my boots.
Jayse nodded, moving my indigo stained boots and cloak behind the counter as I wandered into the back and collapsed on the bed. She said something from the other side of the partition, but I barely heard. It was all noise against the familiar sway of the waves that splashed and rocked and reminded me I was home, which pulled me to sleep.
“Caspyn,” Jayse’s voice was soft in my ear, the hesitation clear as she nudged against my shoulder. I moved over instinctively; sure she wanted more space on the tiny mattress that we shared.
She didn’t lay down, she sat there, her hand moving over my back.
“Caspyn, you have to wake up, Tilny will be furious if we are late.”
“Tilny?” I mumbled, half asleep. It took far too long for my mind to wake up and everything to click into place. I had, in fact, fallen asleep.
Fuck!
“Dinner.” I was up in a whirlwind, pulling my boots on and grabbing my cloak. I was ready, but Jayse leaned against the door frame, grinning as she pushed her red hair behind her ear.
“Forgetting something?” Her smile flickered as she looked me up and down.
I followed her gaze. Shoes, pants, tunic… it was all in place.
“What?” I looked again, still confused. She walked toward me, her eyes troubled as her hands wound around my waist.
“Jayse,” I mumbled, I was not awake enough for this right then. She continued smiling, her hand still searching before she stepped back, my dagger and sheath in her hands.
“Oh.”
“Let’s leave the assassin at home, shall we?” She dropped the ornate dagger on the bed, the other golden dagger and my small knife that I removed following right behind.
We covered them with the blanket before we left, locking the door and making our way toward Amari’s house.
Something always broke in me the second it came into view, that young boy who watched his entire life fall apart trying to press its way out. With every step, I swore I could hear Lily’s screams, my mind flooded with the black waves swallowing her whole again and again. With each step I did as I always did; I pushed all of that pain and anger down, shoving it into the solemn hole in my soul, locking it in that well of pain and anger that I always unleashed when I needed it most.
But not now.
I forced myself to walk normally even as Jayse wove her arm through mine, pressing herself against me.
“Do we need to go home? I can go make excuses,” she was genuine, sensing the change, even if she had no idea why.
Jayse had always been there, but I had never really let her in. Even if part of me loved her, it was also a part that would protect her, and that meant never telling her what I could do, or what I really did, or where I came from.
It meant never letting her get too close.
I needed to keep her safe, to protect her from what was coming, and keeping distance was the only way I knew how.
