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“I could ask the same of you.”
The stars reflect in his eyes as he looks upon me. In the silence before he answers, I wish I could trade my magic for the ability to hear his thoughts. “What do you want, Bell?”
You. I always want you. “For you to go on and yell at me. Tell me I was a fool for disappearing off to Ceraun. Whatever else you’re angry at me for.”
“I have no right to be angry at you.” His jaw ticks, and his throat bobs with a swallow. “As a future Lord of Alchos, I would prefer that you consult anyone before you run off, but I cannot presume to have any authority over your actions.”
My eyes prickle. Anger, I could stand. If he were angry at me, it would mean he cares. This, though… this indifference cuts like a knife. As a future Lord of Alchos? As if that is all that connects us. Our titles? I pull in a shaky breath. “You know that isn’t true. You can presume anything with me because you love me better than anyone else in this world.” I can’t believe I put it out there. To give voice to this, to make him acknowledge that we are in love—this isn’t how I meant for it to happen, but we can make it real. We can breathe life into it instead of letting it drift around out of our grasp.
His gaze shifts back over the water. “I love you well enough to know it’s long past time I walk away.”
“No!” I grasp his arm and turn him to face me. “We aren’t going to start another cycle of pulling away from each other. You needn’t ever walk away from me. I’m not going to marry Jamys.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I won’t. If it means renouncing my name and title, I’ll do that, but I don’t even know if it will come to that. I won’t live a lie with another man when I love you!”
He winces. “A life with me isn’t an option.”
“Did you hear anything I said? I’d live in a cave with you over a palace with anyone else.”
“I can’t do that to you, Bell. I can’t ruin your life that way. I’m vowed to protect you.”
“Protect me from a miserable, insincere life.” I drape my arms over his neck. “I can protect us from everything else.”
“Arabella, please.”
“Don’t call me that.”
He steps back, pulling out of my arms so they drop to my sides as tears flow freely down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry I got you into this mess. I will forever be your loyal servant.”
My throat tightens, and I strain to swallow against it. A tremor rattles through me as if the ship’s run aground. Our soul-binding lovemaking feels like it took place in an alternate reality. This one is cold and unfamiliar. “I do so appreciate your commitment to the kingdom and our family.”
His jaw clenches, but he doesn’t fight me. Fight me, damnit! That’s another thing we’ve always been good at. He doesn’t, though. He even looks different. The cool exterior he always wielded to draw me in is ice cold now, impenetrable. “Good night, Your Grace.” He turns and walks away.
Are we done then? Not only ended, but will we truly be this dry in our interactions? Titles and courtesies as if we don’t even know each other? If so, I’m as likely to die of thirst as I am from a broken heart.
Chapter forty-two
Etherlee House glows in dawn’s light as we pass it. I don’t know how it came to be a symbol of whatever I had with Tomas. It was only one night, but I’m not sure I can go back there anymore. Ridiculous really, as there are many more places in Mirador and Lambridge that hold intimate memories as well, but the idea of those doesn’t frighten me. Etherlee is the one I can’t imagine going back to. That stretch of shore where we shared our first kiss and altered the trajectory of our lives forever—or at least my life.
We arrive at Highbluff, where Jo appears ready to jump out of her own skin. I’m scarcely off the ship before she throws her arms around me.
“You idiot. What were you thinking?”
I squeeze her in return. “Oh, just that things were so boring around here.”
“Well, I’m thrilled you survived a siege, but you are aware your parents are going to kill you now?”
“Of course.” I glance away to see Rylan, Marcus, Nina, and Jamys mounting up to go to Mirador. “I must be getting to that. We’ll talk soon.”
She nods, and I leave Highbluff without so much as seeing Tomas. My stomach tightens, but apparently, I should be getting accustomed to this kind of relationship with him.
The five of us ride in silence. Upon arrival, a jittery ministry member informs us that the Queen and King are waiting for us. His twitching fingers and lack of eye contact makes me wonder how furious Mother appeared when she gave him this task.
Jamys goes to seek out his own mother, and the four of us face our fate.
