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I desperately wanted to. I still do. But if I’m struggling with the same demons now, there’s no way I could have talked myself out of running back then. No way I could have had this rational conversation.
Gleb’s eyes shift between mine, as if he’s reading my thoughts as they pass through my head. Not for the first time, I have the sneaking suspicion that he’s got some kind of psychic power.
“I’m normally so good at reading people,” he says, his silky voice sending a tingle up my spine. “But with you?” He shakes his head. “I wish I knew what you were thinking.”
The breath I hadn’t realized I was holding leaves me in a rush, and I laugh breathily. “I was actually just thinking it feels like you can read my mind.”
Surprise lights Gleb’s eyes, then they shift to troubled once more. “What were you thinking before that?”
Shaking my head, I let my gaze drop to the tattoo on his chest once again. Swallowing my emotions, I dig for the courage to be open with him. Because tonight, it feels like we might just be able to bridge the gaping chasm that’s separated us for so long. “I was wondering if maybe I’d been more open with you from the start… would things have turned out differently?”
Gleb reaches up to run the backs of his knuckles across my cheek, and the tender gesture makes me close my eyes.
“You’re being open with me now. And that’s what matters,” he murmurs, and when I open my eyes, his meet mine with overwhelming emotions. “I’ll try to do better about having a conversation rather than ordering you around if you’re willing to be open with me about these kinds of things. Does that sound like a deal?”
Relief fills my chest, expanding my lungs so I feel like I can breathe for the first time in I don’t know how long. And the hope that follows makes my eyes sting with grateful tears. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
The relief mirrored in Gleb’s eyes reveals a vulnerability in him I hadn’t realized was there. Then his eyebrows buckle into a frown once more. “That means you can’t just run when you don’t like something I’ve done. We need to work through our disagreements.”
Another soft laugh escapes me, this time a tearful one, and I nod. We’re having such a normal, healthy conversation over something that’s bothered me for so long, that I feel like we might really have a chance.
“Are you crying?” Gleb asks, his voice incredulous.
“They’re happy tears, I swear,” I breathe.
“You’re sure?” he presses, pulling me to his chest to comfort me all the same.
“Yeah. I’m just… I can’t tell you how long I’ve been in my head about this. And I didn’t expect you to react this well about it.”
I bite my lip as the silence stretches between us once again. Did I say something to hurt him after all the progress we’ve made? But when I try to pull back so I can read the answer in his expressive eyes, his arms tighten around me. He won’t let me go.
“Maybe we needed the time,” he says thoughtfully. “So you could recover from what you’d been through—and so I could learn some better self-control.”
The suggestion makes me smile because, even if he only said it to make me feel better, it works.
A comfortable quiet falls between us this time, and I take a moment to appreciate the strong, steady beat of his heart beneath my ear. My fingers glide absently over that tattoo, and my curiosity creeps back to life.
We’re making such good progress tonight, I wonder if I dare push it any farther.
“Will you tell me the meaning behind this tattoo?” I ask and hold my breath for his answer.
“There’s not much story to tell. It’s my family crest. My father tattoos it over each of his sons’ hearts when we turn fourteen, so we’ll never forget where our loyalty lies.”
Jesus. Fourteen? It makes me think of my fifteenth birthday present from my uncle and if this marking might not bring back painful memories to Gleb in the same way.
“Do you… like it?” I ask tentatively.
Gleb shrugs, his chest rising slightly beneath me. “It’s part of who I am.”
I nod, and though that’s not entirely an answer, I get the feeling it’s not as black-and-white as one might think. I don’t get the impression that Gleb’s childhood was a happy one. But it can’t have been all bad if his older brother used to tell them bedtime stories.
My thoughts shift to Gabby as the image of her snuggled up against Gleb’s side rises to my mind. After everything we’ve talked about tonight, I’m more confident that I need to tell Gleb the truth about her.
But that can wait a bit longer. I want to pick the right moment.
And right now, I’m in a better space mentally than I have been in years.
I want to take a moment to appreciate it.
