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“Of course, people are allowed to be more than one thing, Nicholas,” I continued. “But I’m pretty good about reading people and you’re like if someone gave me a book filled with blank page after blank page.”
“Is that what this is really about? You not being able to read me?” Nicholas asked as he moved slightly closer to me, his natural scent suddenly overwhelming each one of my senses.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you sure this isn’t about what happened between us this morning?”
I froze on the spot, my heart feeling like it stalled in my chest. “I… uh…”
“It’s okay, we can talk about it,” he replied, shifting from kneeling to sitting, getting comfortable on the trail. “If that’s really what you want to talk about.”
“It is,” I admitted, taking a seat right beside him, my body slowly starting to unfreeze. “Sorry. I just wasn’t expecting this to be so…”
“Direct?”
“That’s a good word for it.” I cracked a smile before I went on. “But yeah. What exactly… what is this to you, Nicholas? If it’s just a fling, that’s fine with me. I just need to know?—”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t stop myself from frowning at his response. “Really? You don’t know?”
“It’s not like it’s practical, Parker, if it’s anything more than a fling. You’re only here for vacation and we won’t ever live in the same place,” he replied. “But… I also can’t pretend like there isn’t something else between us. It’s different. Something I’m really not used to.”
He looked over at me as he finished with his thoughts. “I think… I think we should just keep things practical for now. It’ll make things easier. Keep things light.”
"You’re really loving that word, huh? Practical,” I murmured. “But you’re probably right. Why set ourselves up for failure if we don’t have to?”
“Exactly.” Nicholas gave me a serious nod before he beamed in my direction. “But… practical or not, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy our time together. I really like being around you, Parker. You’re just so…”
“Blindingly attractive? Super intelligent? Impossibly charming?”
“Relatable. Down to earth, even.” Nicholas laughed as he pulled me in close, his hand resting on my shoulder. A few seconds later and his lips were pressed against mine, his kiss warm and inviting, so soft and so sweet. It didn’t take much for me to get lost in it, kissing him back with just as much softness, a gentleness being exchanged between us that seemed to reverberate across my skin, like I was supported and safe.
Like I was exactly where I always wanted to be?—
Nope.
This was way too much, especially after Nicholas had just told me that we needed to keep things practical. It definitely wasn’t practical to let myself feel like this under any circumstances, which meant that I needed to snap out of it ASAP.
“We should keep moving, right?” I said, pulling away from him, scrambling up to my feet. “If we’re trying to reach that non-existent destination? The impossible location?”
“Sure. Right.” Nicholas seemed a little disoriented as he brought himself up to his feet, too. “We should keep moving. Enjoy the journey and all that.”
I flashed him a fake smile before I turned back toward the trail, not wanting him to read the real expression on my face.
Not wanting him to see that practical was going to be one of the hardest pills I’d ever had to swallow.
8
NICHOLAS
Practical.
I’d questioned the phrase as soon as it’d come out of my mouth. It didn’t feel right, like I was telling a half-truth, like I was just telling someone what they wanted to hear. Still, Parker seemed to take to it, something that’d unexpectedly caused my stomach to twist into knots. I knew I was on the sane path by insisting we keep things practical, and yet, it was like I was expecting a different reaction from Parker, some kind of pushback that I hadn’t been able to muster up the courage to try for myself.
Shit.
I channeled my regret into hiking the trail, the strenuous nature of it being enough to keep my mind off my most recent mistakes with Parker. Although it didn’t help that he was right next to me, smiling over at me from time to time, his skin glistening underneath the sunlight, his t-shirt drenched with sweat and clinging to his chest, his arms, his waist…
