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“You aren’t listening to me. I don’t want to be with you. I have no interest in being with someone who needs to control me as much as you do. I don’t want to be with someone who will quite literally lock me away whenever I disagree with him. Above all, I refuse to be someone who can’t trust anything but his trust issues.” Kat sniffs, trying to swallow her tears. “I don’t need you to deal with Giuseppe Salvatore for me. I don’t want you to go to war against the Irish and the Italians because of me. This is precisely why I couldn’t be honest with you. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life atoning for your sins—whatever the hell that means for you. All I need and want from you is that you leave me alone for good. Don’t come near me or contact me ever again. Stay out of my life.”
Kat’s words make me feel like I had the wind knocked out of me and took a blow to the head all at once. My head rings, I’m disoriented—I can’t breathe. “Dusha moya, please don’t do this. I’ll give you anything. Anything, Kat. Just give me a chance to make things right. Please. I won’t let you down, I promise. I’ll devote every second of the rest of my life to making you happy. I’ll give you anything your heart has ever desired.”
While shaking her head, Kat studies my face. Something in her eyes tells me she’s trying to take one last good look at me, expecting never to see me again.
She glances away. “The only thing I want is to be by myself. If you ever cared about me, you’ll honor this one request of mine,” she says, marching through the doorway.
A few steps away, Kat stops, turning to face me. Maybe for the last time. “I hope you find peace, Nik, instead of whatever it is you’ve been looking for this whole time.”
She walks away, never looking back.
18
KAT
So much for home, sweet home.
After being away for so long, returning to my apartment feels surreal—especially considering everything that has happened to me since the last time I was inside it. Objectively speaking, not much time has passed since I was last here. Yet, it feels like a lifetime ago.
While sitting on my favorite spot on my cream-colored couch in my comfiest sweats in the middle of the day, I can’t shake the feeling that something’s seriously wrong. Even with a whole pint of chocolate chip ice cream in my lap and a generously filled wine glass, I cannot convince myself that everything feels right as I expected it would. Inwardly sighing, I force myself to face reality.
Nik and I are done. C’est fini. And somehow, I must forget him.
That’s fine—more than fine. Everything is as it should be.
I may not have gotten my happy ending with Nik, but that’s okay. I’ll get it by myself, or maybe with someone else. It doesn’t even matter that the mere idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Sure, it might be true that, after storming out of the penthouse, I thought I would feel better than I do right now. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve made a mistake. I just need some time to adjust to this change. That’s all.
Of course, it’s also completely normal to grieve what I have lost and what could’ve been. What I dreamed would come to be. What I now know will never be a part of my future.
It might take me a while to let go of all the memories of Nik, and that’s okay. Like the night we first met at the gala—his dark eyes, hair and clothes. Or when he held me and comforted me through that horrid nightmare, tenderly whispering sweet nothings in Russian to me.
I can still recall the wonderful moment Nik and I shared during the aerobatic flight as if it had happened only yesterday. Especially when we became weightless, and he held my hands. And, of course—how could I ever forget?—the mesmerizing grin on his handsome face as we stepped out of the plane. Truth be told, I doubt I’ll ever be able to forget that breathless kiss we shared on the airfield.
And how can anyone expect me to forget when Nik broke Vladmir’s hand for me?
It’s incredibly hard to accept that the man who’s featured front and center in these wonderful memories is the same guy who quite literally locked me away in a tower. Yet, I can’t escape this truth.
I shouldn’t feel this miserable about never being in Nik’s presence again. The mere thought of never feeling his skin against mine again or running my fingers through his silky, dark hair is unbearable. To think that I won’t lose myself in the depths of his eyes again, or hear the rasp of his voice as he whispers something completely outrageous, for my ears only…
All of those titillating experiences are in the past now. And that’s fine. It will have to be fine. After all, that was my choice—and frankly, that was the whole point. That’s what matters to me, ultimately. I didn’t get into my messy situation with Nik of my own volition, but I rectified that issue in the end. At last, I got what I wanted—I regained control of myself and my life. I chose to put an end to everything.
Everything is as it should be. All is well when it ends well. And I will repeat these words to myself over and over again as my mantra until I convince myself to believe them.
In the end, you have to always look out for number one. For me, that’s always going to be me. That’s why I had to kick Nik to the curb. As I’ve learned, he’s bad for my health.
A soft, hesitant knock at my front door interrupts my pity party. Just in time, too, since I was getting dangerously close to no longer believing my own lies. And where would that leave me?
For a moment, I consider pretending I’m not home and ignoring my unannounced visitor. But I quickly dismiss the idea once I realize it’s probably just A.J. checking in on me. My best friend deserves better from me, especially after everything she’s done for me recently. I could also use the distraction of having some company around. She always has a knack for cheering me up, and I’m in desperate need of that right now.
I set the ice cream and the wine down on my cluttered coffee table and get up from the couch. After crossing the small distance to the front door, I unlock it, plastering a fake—but well-intentioned—smile on my face for A.J.’s benefit.
As it turns out, I shouldn’t have bothered. Upon opening the door, my forced grin immediately falters as I come face-to-face with Dmitri. Perfectly calm, he gives me a half-smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, leaning against the wall next to my front door.
“Hiya, Kat,” he says, breaking my astonished silence.
“Dmitri,” I say with a gasp. “What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?”
