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With a smile, Nik kisses my forehead. “Just be safe. Stay out of trouble.”
“Your wish is my command. Consider it done. Well, I’ll do my best, at least. I can promise you that much.”
“I’d greatly appreciate it if you could stay at the penthouse until we catch McGuire. Knowing where you are—and that you are safe—at all times will put me at ease.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Now, why don’t you sit down and have a drink while I call some people? I don’t have my phone on me. I’ll be back in two shakes.”
Nik ruefully shakes his head at me, scoffing with outraged amusement. Nonetheless, he does what I ask him to do.
I glance at him before exiting the room, and something about the shadows under his eyes and the tension already returning to his shoulders give me pause. Nik’s story about how the Flame of Mir came into his life returns to the forefront of my mind. It pains me to know that I took something so special from him and handed it to someone so undeserving. It must’ve been an immense blow to lose the diamond, just as he learned his best friend was gone forever.
Even worse, I’m forced to face an uncomfortable possibility—once Nik is no longer burdened by his quest to avenge his friend, will he realize he’s not over me stealing the diamond? Will he resent me forever? Will he ever forget that our relationship started with betrayal?
I know better than to waste my time wondering about what might or might not happen. My energy is better spent controlling the controllable, so I must focus on retrieving the jewel. After all, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I let the stronzo ruin my future.
Nik smiles at me quizzically, puzzled by my intense stare. For a moment, I hesitate. Maybe I should tell him the truth about my plans and my involvement with the stronzo. Deceitfulness and subterfuge come much more naturally to me than unrestricted honesty. I’m many things—an open book isn’t one of them. But keeping these secrets from Nik has started to not sit right with me, especially now that he’s shared with me these painful stories about his past. Still, it’s hard to speak of a secret I’ve kept for so long openly. A secret that isn’t just my own.
I also can’t help but worry that his instinct to protect me could become a problem. I have no doubts I’m capable of safely retrieving the Flame of Mir once I know where the damned thing is. But I have a feeling Nik would disagree with me. I suspect he’d try to stop me.
Still, my heart wins, and I find myself saying, “Nik, about the Flame of Mir. I’ve been thinking?—”
Nik’s distracted gaze raptly focuses on me. Now that I know how much the diamond means to him, I’m not exactly shocked by his eagerness to learn more about its fate. And, to be fair, it must frustrate him I’ve kept this secret from him for so long. It’s the one part of me I’ve denied him, and I know he is dying to have me yield all of myself to him at last.
But, more than ever, I understand how vital it is that I make amends for taking the Flame of Mir. I know for a fact that I won’t be able to move on if Nik decides he can’t get over the fact that I stole it from him.
Because I know how protective he is of me—and how stubborn he can be—I decide against telling him my secret just yet. I’ll gladly tell him everything eventually. But I just can’t lose him. If I tell Nik what Giuseppe Salvatore, the stronzo, put me through, he’ll set out to destroy the man without a second thought.
The idea of Nik and the bratva facing the Italians and the Irish at the same time makes me shudder. I can’t bear the thought of him succumbing to his foe or mine because his resources are stretched thin between a war on two fronts.
The old Nikolai Stefanovich might have been able to cooly assess the situation before rushing into any ill-advised actions. But my Nik will undoubtedly just storm out in a fit of righteous rage to punish the man who hurt me, consequences be damned.
Above all else, I can’t allow that outcome. It’s my duty and my right to protect him from himself.
“You were saying? About the Flame of Mir?” Nik says, disrupting my reverie, and I realize I’ve been staring at him in silence.
I smile at him, my heart aching. I don’t bother hiding my sadness as I tell him what I can for now. “There are no words to express how sorry I am for taking it. I never knew it meant so much to you. I hate that you lost it just as you lost your best friend, too. I’m sorry that’s how our relationship started. I wish I could go back in time and change what I did, but I can’t, and I’m so sorry, Nik.”
He is next to me in a heartbeat, embracing me with no hint of hesitation or resentment. “It’s okay, Kat,” he says against my hair. “Please don’t get upset over this. I can’t bear to see you sad—least of all because of me. And the diamond doesn’t even matter to me anymore. I mean it. I appreciate the sentiment, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I couldn’t give less of a fuck about it. You said you’d go back in time and do things differently if you could, but I’d beg you not to. I wouldn’t dare change a single thing that happened in the past. Not if there’s any chance it would keep you from coming into my life.”
I gasp against his chest. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do, Kat. I really do. I’d give up every cent I have, the blood in my veins, the skin off my back, anything—if it meant I’d end up right here, right now, with you in my arms.”
I drag Nik’s mouth to mine, praying I can show him all I feel, even when my words fall short. He returns my kiss with his usual abandon, and I lose myself in his embrace.
15
NIK
Before I know it, it’s dark outside, and I’m mildly surprised to realize I’ve been working for hours.
I rub my tired, bleary eyes and force myself to stretch my back, my tight muscles groaning in protest. Even those too-brief, heart-arresting moments spent making love to Kat earlier were not enough to erase the stress I’ve been carrying in my shoulders and neck.
It has become clear to me that the only way out of this nightmare is through. I’ll rest and relax once McGuire is dead. There’ll be no lasting reprieve for me until then.
Of course, it goes without saying that I hope Kat won’t stop trying to change my mind. Especially if what we did earlier today is how she plans to go about it.
After rising from my chair, I decide I’ve spent enough time without her for today. It’s been too long already, and I miss her too much to stay away from her a moment longer. Quietly, I set out to find her, walking through the penthouse.
