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The body that pinned me to the shower wall only a moment ago and had me falling over the edge of intense pleasure. I bite my lip harder so that the pain can drag my thoughts away from him.
"Can I please sleep in a different room tonight?" I ask cautiously knowing he will be angry at the request. But how can I sleep next to him after that?
"Why?" He snaps angrily.
I can't explain to him how disgusted I am with myself. How horrified I am that I enjoyed that.
"I'm asking, please." My eyes are down, I won't dare look at him.
"No. You may not. Get into bed and go to sleep."
His tone is filled with anger. I shouldn't have said anything at all. I was stupid to ask.
I'm still sitting on the edge of the bed when from the corner of my eye I see him drop his towel and climb beneath the blankets naked.
He's doing it on purpose.
He's doing it because I pissed him off.
I wait a long time, fighting tears, before I crawl beneath the blankets myself.
With my face pressed against the pillow and my body right on the edge of the bed, the tears start falling freely.
I'm trying my best to hide the fact that I'm crying but it's nearly impossible.
I hear Stefano sighing heavily and feel him tossing and turning in annoyance.
My heart is breaking.
It's breaking because I never wanted to be back here.
I never wanted to put my daughter in this kind of danger, stuck in Stefano's dark underworld. I never intended to let him touch me.
I bury my face deeper into the pillow to muffle my tears.
I don't know when I managed to fall asleep, but I woke up around three in the morning, my mouth dry from too much champagne.
Quietly I get up to get a glass of water from the bathroom and notice that Stefano is not in bed with me. I must have pissed him off enough that he didn't want to sleep next to me.
I sigh, knowing that I've just made things so much harder for myself.
I'm such an idiot.
I climb back into bed, but I don't manage to get back to sleep properly. My head is swarming with thoughts and fears about what is going to happen now.
I try to focus on the fact that I am allowed to take Elle out somewhere tomorrow.
At least for her - something good came of this.
In the morning, after hours of drifting in and out of restless dreams, I drag myself out of bed. I get dressed and put on a brave face to go in and say hello to Elle.
My heart sinks when I see her.
She looks exhausted. Her eyes are shadowed, and I can see she's struggling today.
"Baby, are you feeling ok?" I ask, brushing my hand over her forehead.
"I'm ok." She says bravely.
