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Then I'm dragged further into sleep, into that sweet embarrassment of oblivion. My body and mind disconnect from each other and I sleep.
I don't know how many hours pass, but I slowly drift awake when I feel the bed moving as someone climbs into it.
I open my eyes and roll towards the movement, blinking a few times at Stefano as he shifts and gets comfortable.
I take a soft breath in.
He is looking at me, his head resting on the pillow. I reach out and touch his chest.
"Stefano - is she - is she awake?"
"No, she's still sleeping. The night nurse is with her and she will wake us up immediately if Elle wakes up. Just go back to sleep. Someone is with her and watching her."
I lick my lips, feeling more awake now.
"Can we talk?" I ask nervously.
Stefano huffs in annoyance. Letting out a heavy sigh of frustration he shakes his head, but says, "Fine, whatever. Talk."
"Six years ago…" I don't know how to say what I want to say. I bite my lip and try again. "Six years ago - I left. I know you don't understand why. But I need you to know how much it broke my heart. I was so scared. I was still so in love with you, but I was scared for my child. Our child. I didn't want her to ever be in danger and I hated the idea of her growing up in a world where she might be in danger."
Stefano is staring at me, listening, waiting.
"I'm so sorry I left. It was my choice to go. No one forced me to do it. My parents encouraged me to be safe. They wanted me to leave - but I can't blame it on them. I made the choice on my own at the end of the day. But - I regret it. I regret keeping her from you for so long. It wasn't fair of me."
Stefano stares coolly at me. I can't read his expression.
I don't know what he's thinking, and he isn't talking to me or responding in any way.
I try again. "Stefano, can you - maybe - forgive me? I want to try and move past all of that. I - I think I still have feelings for you. I want to try and have a future with you if you will let it happen. If you can forgive me we can have something. A family. You, me and Elle."
He sighs. Still not talking. My stomach begins to knot. I so badly want him to tell me he knows I'm sorry. That he can let it go and accept that it's all in the past. My heart wants it. I can't pretend anymore. I've been through so much, almost lost Elle, almost lost my own life. In all of that, I realized that life is too short to deny what's in your heart.
"We almost died tonight."
The slightest feather of his jaw muscles.
The first reaction since I started speaking.
"We could easily have died, and I realized I needed to tell you that I was sorry. Life is so short. Unpredictable and irrational. We can never really know what the future holds. But tonight I did accept something. I accepted that I didn't want to pretend anymore. I do still love you, Stefano. I don't think I ever stopped. No one has ever made me feel how you make me feel. In all these years - since I left - I couldn't even bring myself to go on a date."
I sit up slightly, propping myself up on my elbow so that I can look at him properly.
"Do you have anything you want to say to me? Do you think you will be able to forgive me and we can have a future together?"
My eyes are wide with hope and I'm still struggling to read any emotion in his face.
He pulls his mouth tight. "Perhaps." He says, cold and calm.
"Perhaps is better than no," I whisper.
Then I lean close to him, hesitant, but not holding myself back. Because life is short.
I press my lips against his mouth, and I kiss him.
He doesn't stop me or push me away.
I shift my body closer to his, laying on his chest as I run my hands over his stomach muscles, my tongue slipping inside his mouth.
