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Only for her. She could make a mess of me, and I’d have zero hesitation diving headfirst into the chaos.
Correction, I already dove headfirst into that chaos.
Studying her as she dug through the saddlebags, which were carefully placed near the saddles resting on top of one of our blankets from the bedroll, I couldn’t help but also realize I should probably give her some space.
If I had any hope of gaining her favor, clinging to her and continually annoying her like I had was probably not the way to win her heart. Especially after her reaction to kissing me, she needed time to sort through her thoughts that seemed to overwhelm her. Thoughts and feelings she’d vocally admitted bewildered even herself. That was why she’d given me such confusing and conflicting instructions after we’d made out. She needed time.
Goldie needed to want me on her own terms.
I needed her to want me on her own terms. No matter how badly I already wanted her.
A tight smile tugged at my lips as she jogged back, her ashy hair swinging behind her legs. She danced up beside me and plopped herself down once more. “Got them!” she exclaimed, handing me very wrinkled foil.
“Thanks, Goldie,” I softly said and smoothed them out to the best of my ability. I could feel her gaze burning into me as I shoveled the fish on the foil and then wrapped it up to the best of my ability.
“What was that?” she blurted out as I gently placed the packet onto the hot coals.
“What was what?” I asked, standing up.
“Your ‘thanks, Goldie.’ It sounded different.” She narrowed her beautiful eyes. My heart swelled, wanting to jump out of my chest and land in her hands, but it also knew that was not the way to go about this. She had to be in control. I had to do this right for her. If I desired any chance of having her, of being with her, all of it had to be her choice.
And I had to go about this differently than I’d ever done with another woman.
“It was nothin’,” I replied and turned around.
“Where are you going?”
“To dispose of the fish guts, then rinse my hands and knife off,” I teased as lightheartedly as I could.
“Oh.” Her voice softened. “Okay, be quick.”
“Worried about me?” I lifted a mischievous brow and glanced back at her. She simply watched me, studying me for a moment. Whatever was going through her mind was lost on me as she gently pulled her braid back between her fingers and mindlessly began twisting.
And just as I turned around to walk away, she nodded once.
Chapter 13
BRIAR
His back faded from view, swallowed in the darkness that had fallen upon us. Something had changed. A shift in whatever strange waltz we were dancing. But I couldn’t figure it out. Part of me felt as if he was withdrawing, but the part of my heart that I denied existed screamed at me that I was wrong.
That it wasn’t him pulling away, but him handing me the reins.
I didn’t want them. I didn’t want to be in control of this because I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to think yet. I hadn’t even figured out what that kiss meant to me, and here was my heart, telling me that he totally had actual feelings for me and maybe it wouldn’t hurt to explore my own if I did.
No, that wasn’t a good idea. I would be leaving the moment that horse was trained anyway. Or possibly sooner if there was a risk that Wayde might find Cassidy and his family. Curses.
My fingers worked desperately at the braid, one that was in dire need of redoing, but Cassidy might see my hair before I was finished doing it back up, and what would he think then? Would he be as weirded out by how long it was as every other person who ever saw it out of the braid?
Technically, he had seen it all tossed onto the top of my head in a messy bun the other morning. Man, my silk bonnet was going to be a religious thing I wore for the next month, because this hair had to be a dreadful mess now.
Slowly, I used a stick to flip the packet of fish that my stomach growled in desperation for. Cassidy had even let me finish the jerky while he’d gone fishing. He’d had nothing to eat, just as I had, and let me devour the only thing available along his frenzied journey started by a squirrel of all things.
All of this was because of a stinking squirrel.
Okay, so not technically all of it. Some of it was because of illegal hunters or poachers, and the other part was because I stole a horse.
I hated being confused and overwhelmed.
