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“I’m sorry. I am. All these rules are new to me, you’ll forgive me if I don’t get everything right.”
“Christina.”
It’s a low blow, and I know it.
“Tell me I’m wrong, then.” I cross my arms against my chest, the tension between us thickening with every passing second.
“Go ahead. Tell me I’m wrong.” My voice is loud but not as loud as I’d like it to be. Anger shakes through my body.
Nico and Enzo and I are something. I don’t know what, exactly – but we’re growing into it. I like them. I actively want to be around them. I love what they do to me.
And Albert? I can tolerate him well enough. He’s kind of goofy when he’s not being scary.
But it’s hard to forgive what my mother has done to us. What she has knowingly done to us.
She shakes her head, unshed emotions contorting her features.
“Christina…” Tears gloss over her brown eyes. Eyes that used to remind me so much of my own.
Now, it’s difficult to even look at her.
“Please—”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Don’t.” I push back from the table. “Save your breath. I don’t want to listen to whatever lies you have for me next.”
I thought I wanted this conversation. I’d ached to have it. But now? I can’t hear it. I can’t actually hear the words that she has come up with to justify this.
“Wait,” she says, standing as if she might come after me.
I pause, torn between the desire to run over and hug her and the urge to run away.
“I love him.” Her face crumbles before me.
I wipe my own tears away with the back of my hand. Does that make this all okay? Does that make any of this worth it? Is he worth more than I am?
I shake my head. “I’m happy for you, Mom,” I say softly, “But I don’t know if that’s enough.”
The tears spill over now, hard and fast. She’s quick to brush them away from her cheeks with the back of her hand but it’s not fast enough to keep them away.
“I hope you never have to understand what you might do for love,” she says. The words ring heavy in the space between us. The despair on her face dissolves any resolve I have to be mad.
“I can’t do this,” I say, breaking a little. I swallow down my own emotion. “I can’t. Not right now.”
As I walk away, the weight of my mother’s words hangs on my heart. I feel guilty walking away from her but not enough to stop.
Love, loyalty, and sacrifice, are all things required for a life in a Mafia family. Am I willing to endure those requirements for the sake of those I care about?
As I round the stairs, I’m really not sure of the answer.
I retreat to the solitude of my room, the rain outside a small comfort to the storm raging within me.
16
Enzo
My bowtie feels like it’s choking me, and my jacket is too tight. Albert decreed that we would all be attending the Annual Police Association Charity Gala tonight. It’s an unfortunate reality that charity galas and balls are as much a part of our life as prison and funerals. I am way more comfortable with the latter but, no one has died this week.
So, here we are.
