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“No?”
“No. I wouldn’t try it unless it was one on one and you were truly desperate. You’d lose against these guys, but it’s worth knowing. We’ll practice over and over. There might be a chance, one day.”
“Sure.” Gingerly I sat on the bed. “I figured as much.” I sent him a wry smile.
“Now it’s your turn. Game?”
“Uhh.” I scrambled to think. Word games? I scuffed aside the tiny, thin rug next to the bed. “We could do hangman on the floor. Draw in...” I searched the room. “Water?”
“I doubt that’d be much use. About all we have is blood.”
It was a joke, I reminded myself, but the space between us seemed to shrink.
“Fuck. Sorry. Bad choice.”
I cleared my throat. “Yes. It was.”
I could never completely escape the reminders of why I was here, locked up. Though I was getting good at shoving them away and carrying on. The pain, the beatings, would return when I was washing my hands, or just eating a meal, or in the boring times in between. They’d flash in and I’d freeze up then push them away. Life went on. I guess people always needed hope and some sort of normality, else they’d curl up and die.
I wasn’t dying, not yet. Never give up. Never give in.
We ended up playing fast, with water. Speedy noughts and crosses. I beat him more often than not. It made me grin, even laugh once when he slapped his forehead and flopped backward, groaning at his mistake.
But I never forgot, even with him sprawled on the floor drawing X’s and O’s with his wet finger, like a small boy messing about with his sister. He wasn’t a small boy. He was a big, powerful man and a sadist, who liked hurting me when given the chance.
There was blood between us. And sex.
With him this close, I wasn’t sure which of the two bothered me the most.
When I took a shower that night, I couldn’t tell if he looked away the whole time, and when he showered, I peeked. Impossible not to. My throat went dry for all the wrong reasons watching water pour down his hard body.
Chapter 11
Guess I’d gotten too used to a soft bed. The floor kept me awake. As it made various bits of me go numb, I’d shift and manage to numb somewhere new. At around three in the morning, I sat up. I ended up with my chin in hand, elbows on knees, studying her.
I was sure she had no comprehension of how guilty I felt.
For years, I’d lived with the mess I’d made of my life after my brother was killed. I’d thought I’d reined in the dark side of me. Ever since the murder, I’d run from one crazy thing to another, but I’d never abused a woman like this.
How did I reconcile this with my soul? Yes, I’d been forced to do it. But...
The room was rendered in dark sifted, tones of gray. Her toe twitched underneath the sheet and she mumbled something. Truly, she was sweet, and innocent, and I was the biggest, baddest wolf in creation.
Excluding Gregor.
I hung my head and grabbed the top of my head with my hands, staring down at the vaguely moonlit floor. If I’d been presented with a case like this in South Africa, I’d have been inclined to arrest myself and let the lawyers sort out who was guilty of what. Legally, I was probably clean, but morally I was fucked.
I let go and stared at her again, at the curvaceous length of her body. The tropical heat made sleeping under a sheet impossible most nights. She was lying on her side. Even asleep, I’d heard her whimper if she shifted onto her back. That was my present to her. I lay down and closed my eyes.
What was I going to do?
Keep obeying Gregor, that’s what, because the alternative was worse and something I knew might be inevitable, considering where Gregor seemed to be heading. I might have to kill her – if she begged me. Fok. Not good. I wondered if she’d thought of it yet. Probably not. If she was like most people, she’d be subconsciously avoiding that thought pathway.
Though at times, when unawares, I’d caught her staring at nothing, with a haunted look on her face.
I hadn’t seen the police officer she said had been tortured, but I’d heard him. My instincts, along with what had happened so far, told me Gregor and his client weren’t going to be happy with simple beatings and sex. What if she never asked and it became too much even for me? Could I kill her?
I put my hand across where my heart must be. It actually hurt contemplating doing that. Maybe there was hope for me yet. Of course, if I did it, they’d kill me afterward.
