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“I’m going to show you the other side of pain, bokkie.”
I recognized the familiar zing of anticipation. Inflicting pain on women did things to me. Before had been different. This time, I had consent, of sorts. She knew what I did. Why.
I needed to allow myself to enjoy the sadism. It gave me a hyperawareness I’d never get if I stayed distant and gritted my teeth. I had to devote myself. All amped up, I was a gourmet and expert sadist, I could taste the pain with my eyes, my hands...maybe my tongue.
Ja, she was a meal laid out before me. I circled her, twitchy to get going, to see what toys they had.
This was bad.
Be guilty after.
I had to zone in, see every reaction, every flinch, every blanch of skin and trickle of blood from the strikes. And there would be blood.
I’d realized last night that blood was the only way I’d be likely to convince Gregor and co that I’d done it properly. I hadn’t told her that. It seemed wiser and kinder not to.
Zone in.
Just me. Just you.
This was a woman I’d have jumped at the chance to scene with, if she’d ever asked me in Cape Town, when I was young and free and, yes, stupid. Getting my brother killed had proved my stupidity.
I sniffed. Zone in.
I must be Master here and dance on the precipice. Pain. Pleasure. Starting now, my little captive. That thought sneaked in and I let it pass. For this to work, she had to be mine in these scenes. Not theirs. Mine.
There was no safeword. No hiding. She was my woman to do with as I wished. My balls tightened.
Such a heady situation, enough to spin me off into space if I wasn’t careful.
I’d long ago learnt to disassociate from the violence of what I did for a living. It acted as a buffer though some things still got through. I’d talked to a doctor and it was the same for him and the suffering and death he saw from day to day. Either you took that mental step back, or the stress would pull you apart. I could do this, though it was weird because I also had to keep my emotions engaged as a sadist.
Jazmine had no training, no buffer. She was an innocent. I had to keep that in mind.
I stepped away.
The jacket was uncomfortably tight. I took it off and tossed it aside, rolled up the long sleeves of the white shirt. No protests from Gregor? Good.
Be damned if I’d scene looking like a model from a catalogue.
Should I remove the bag? Perhaps being blindfolded would calm her?
I picked up the rags of the dress and tore off strips then took the bag from her head. After the barest glance at her eyes – she blinked at me and swallowed – I blindfolded her. With a second strip, I tied up her hair, out of the way of any implements.
I risked a whisper. “I begin.” From the faint inclination of her head, she’d heard me. “Don’t move.”
I padded to the wall where a rack stood.
Floggers, paddles, whips, canes, leather harnesses, bondage gear. Nothing sharp or piercing, though you could do damage with any implement, if you wanted. Was this, what they had me do to her, so rare? It seemed as if they didn’t aim for the darker, nastier, sadistic acts. Why now? Why Jazmine? Or perhaps they’d taken away some things to keep them from my reach?
I selected two floggers and a whip, then a crop with a rectangular end. The harnesses called to me. I’d never been allowed with Elenor. I’d been her top not her Dom. I had no such limitations today.
Fok. I almost salivated at a shiny black leather straitjacket with what looked like an open front. There were rubber-tipped forceps too. There were D rings on the jacket for attaching things like rope. There was rope. If I kept her still, it would be safer. Ja. And I’d possibly come in my pants.
For a man with death watching from the other side of the window, I was way too eager. But I’d faced death before and this was for the best. I banged my head with the side of my hand, stared at the stuff. Then I picked it all up.
Wrapping her in the jacket, which did have an open front, then connecting the chains hanging from the ceiling to the shoulder D rings, meant she was bound standing. The jacket encased her arms and, when buckled, crossed them over her chest and beneath her breasts so she was hugging herself. Everything I wanted was still accessible. Best of all, her tits were bulging out, front and center.
I’d found a spreader bar too and I attached her ankles to it so her feet were kept apart.
