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“By the window.”
“Left, then!” Liam grins, flops onto the mattress, and kicks off his flip-flops.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I ask indignantly.
Liam shrugs. “About Ethan locking us in? Well, at least this way, I can sleep peacefully instead of having to keep an eye on you all the time.”
With a calmness that makes my fingers itch, he removes his kufiya tactical desert scarf. Jay always jokes that he’ll take it to his grave one day and I’m afraid he might be right. It’s already so old and tattered that the fabric is almost transparent.
Without taking off his T-shirt and jeans, he lies down and stares at the ceiling.
“What about Jay?” I ask carefully now.
“Ethan told him he wasn’t his brother anymore, so he left.”
I am completely stunned. I think that’s even worse than a slap in the face. Total exclusion from the family. He can’t be serious.
“Ethan’s just scared, Lou.”
I snort indignantly. “Does that justify the slap?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why didn’t you say anything?”
“What should I have said? Stop it, Eth? It was probably too late for that.”
We look at each other, but Liam doesn’t say anything else. After a few minutes, I ask if I can use his cell phone, but he left it downstairs—probably on purpose so as not to get into a predicament. Sure, he doesn’t want to have to choose between me and Ethan. He used to take my and Jay’s side a lot, but maybe he simply did it to annoy Ethan.
Preoccupied, I go to the bathroom and freshen up because I’m sweating a lot under Avy’s shirt, but of course I’m not going to take it off. My thoughts go from Bren to Jay for a moment. It’s all my fault. I have to fix it somehow, I just don’t know how. Where could he be? Maybe with his buddy David or a friend?
Using the only toothbrush I can find, I brush my teeth in the windowless bathroom and comb my hair with my fingers. When I run away, I don’t want to look unkempt or people will assume I’m a drifter and call the police. I’ll have to check later how high up we are. Maybe I can jump out the window once Liam’s asleep. The motel has low ceilings, in fact, Avy almost had to duck earlier.
Liam, however, doesn’t fall asleep. Arms bent with his head resting in his hands, he continues to stare at the ceiling as if seeking answers up there.
“Where’s Jayden?” I ask, still standing in the doorway.
He sighs. “With Dave.”
“Well, at least he’s with a friend.” When I’m back with Bren, I’ll have to check if I have Dave’s number.
“Will you take care of him when…we get home?” I ask, almost stumbling over the we.
“Jay’s an adult, he’ll be fine.”
“He’s a mess.”
“The smartest one I know.” Liam smiles, gives me a look, and then turns serious. “Lou, why didn’t you tell me?” He emphasizes the me. I can sense that he’s hurt that I confided in Jay and not him. That’s okay because it’s honest. “I understand why you didn’t want to tell Ethan,” he continues, “but I always thought…the two of us…we’re just different. We understand each other.”
Yes, and yet you went to India back then and left me alone. I say out loud, “Oh—you understand me?” I don’t mean to sound cynical, but it happens anyway. I study his profile, the long straight nose, the bristly hair that you can still tell was knotted into felted dreadlocks for a long time.
“I know what it’s like to love.” He rolls onto his side, resting his chin on his hand. His eyes, the only ones among ours that are more green than blue, take on a shine I haven’t seen in years.
“You’re thinking of India? Of that girl over there. What was her name again?”
“Her name was Kali. By God, I would have done anything for her!”
Suddenly, he sounds so excited that I giggle. “You still believe I’m sick,” I say seriously again.
