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“I know this is awkward, but I really would just like to spend some time with you, if that’s okay,” I offer, holding a hand out to James. He’s been pacing the floor in the bedroom since we got to the cabin and we were basically shoved in here to fix our bond.
I don’t think it’s fair to force things, so I won’t do it. If James is interested, he’ll make the first move. Otherwise, we’ll just talk or cuddle. Or sit on opposite sides of the room until the others think it’s been long enough.
“It is awkward. Do they really think that putting us in a room together will just fix the bond? Or are they expecting us to have sex?” he snarls, clearly not happy with the situation.
“I’m quite certain they expect us to go at each other—whether that means sex or fighting.” I stare at him, still holding my hand out. “But I’m not going to push you for either. I just want to talk. Can we do that?” I ask, maintaining eye contact with him until he shifts uncomfortably.
“Fine.” He stomps over and sits on the bed, as far away from me as possible. “What do you want to talk about?”
“We could start with what I did to make you think you weren’t enough,” I offer, turning to face him as he turns away. He refuses to look at me. For a moment, I think I can feel his guilt, but that can’t be. Our bond is destroyed and there’s no way I can still feel his emotions, right?
“You didn’t do anything. It was me. I think I’m not enough—no, I know I’m not. I don’t understand why you all want to argue about it. If you hadn’t, then Dec would have changed me and we’d be having a completely different conversation right now.” His quiet insistence is frustrating. I need to find a way to get through to him.
I let my thoughts wander for a minute, trying to come up with something that will get him to really listen to what I’m saying. While I’m being quiet, I can hear his breath. What were calm intakes becoming more ragged. I glance at him again, and I see he’s holding back tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. But you hurt me. No, that’s not fair. You destroyed me, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be the same again. I deserve an explanation. Honestly, I deserve groveling and begging my forgiveness.”
I keep my eyes trained on his while I speak, waiting for a reaction. He just stares at me, as if he wasn’t expecting any of this.
“Garnet,” he starts. Then he stops talking and stares at me longer before turning away again. I want to make him look at me at least, but I can’t. I won’t force anything from him. I’ve made that abundantly clear. All of this is his choice. If he doesn’t want me, he needs to tell me.
Before I can voice those thoughts, he stands and goes to the window. “I never meant to hurt you. It was the last thing I wanted. I know it’s hard to believe, but I love you. That sounds so insignificant. Love isn’t even a big enough word to explain how I feel about you. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to. I left to protect you.”
He turns to face me and continues. “It’s stupid and ridiculous, but it’s true. Even if Amber was partially responsible, it’s the truth. She may have taken my insecurities and twisted them around her little finger to get me to do what she wanted; what I thought I needed to do. But they were my thoughts and concerns first. She didn’t plant them in my head. I promise you that. I spent my entire time in the Fae realm wondering what more I could do to be enough for you.”
I stand and walk toward him, stopping when he starts to back away. I hold up my hands in surrender. Tears streak down my face, falling because I’m so disconnected from my mate. “I don’t think you fully understand this mate bond. We’re connected. I knew you were feeling insecure, but I didn’t realize it was this bad. I need you by my side. Not just to defeat Amber, but to be happy. I can’t do either without you, James. And I agree—I love you, even if those words are too small to properly express the way I feel for you.”
His eyes meet mine and we stand there, staring at each other. He starts to cry as well, and I feel a familiar tingle. Perhaps our bond isn’t fully broken after all. I latch onto that feeling, willing it to grow and heal, as if the tethers of the bond are a physical string that can be patched until it’s good as new.
I watch James’ expression change as I work my internal magic, unsure if it’s doing anything until his face tells me that he feels it too. “How did you do that?” he asks, shocked.
“I didn’t. We did. You opened yourself up to me, and I did the same to you. It’s not fully healed, but this is definitely a start.” I wish that it was an instant fix, because I hate this uncertainty that I feel. I want to know that James is mine and I’m his. There’s still a part of me that has doubts because he ran away. No matter his reasons why, that’s what he did.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I know now that it was wrong. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling instead of pushing you away,” he offers, taking a tentative step toward me. I’m careful not to move a muscle. I wait for him to approach, to reassure. I’ve done what I can.
thirteen
Vincent
ORYM
Giving Garnet and James space is difficult. I can feel her fear and anxiety through the bond. After a few minutes, I start to feel James along the bond again. I know that doesn’t mean everything will be magically fixed, but it’s a start.
Ryland’s phone rings and he steps away to answer it. “Yeah. Fuck. We’ll be right there.” He slips it back in his pocket and turns to us. “We have to go to the training center. Now.”
“What about Red and James? Should we get them?” Luca asks. Ryland shakes his head.
“They’ve found Vincent and it’s bad. I don’t want her to know yet.” That is bad. I understand why Ryland doesn’t want to tell her right now. She’s more concerned with repairing the bond with James, and that’s what she needs to focus on.
“I’ll let her know we have to check on the trainees,” I offer, opening the mental link. Garnet? Ryland, Luca, and I are going to check on the trainees while you and James talk. If you need us, just call and we’ll come back.
We start heading toward the training center when she responds. Is everything okay?
Yeah, it’s just awkward standing outside while you two are in there. We didn’t want to add pressure to the situation. It’s not exactly a lie, but hopefully she doesn’t figure out that I’m not being completely honest.
Okay, stay safe. Her response is quick, and I know she’s distracted by what’s going on with James.
“Garnet knows we’re leaving, but I told her it’s because we feel awkward standing outside right now,” I explain to the others. They nod, understanding that if she asks, they need to go along with my story.
“What happened to Vincent?” Luca asks as we get further from the cabin.
