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I’m facing the inevitable truth that I might even have to give up on that childhood dream.
This little alleyway has become very familiar to me since I started working here. It’s a secret spot, hidden from the rest of the world, where I can just let go.
And today that letting go seems like crying ugly tears.
I stand here for another few minutes, trying to catch my breath as the world seems to shrink around me and my heart beats fast.
I can’t bear to go back inside and see that gorgeous baby and mother again. I don’t know what else might trigger within me when I witness them being so perfect.
When I see the life I want to have above anything else...
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
Who can this be?
I answer.
“Josie Gunn?”
It’s a deep-speaking woman. She seems very... professional.
“Yes, speaking.”
The woman on the other end explains she’s calling from my bank.
“Look, we’ve had a glance at your loan application...”
“Yes?”
“And I’m afraid to say that we won’t be processing it further at this time,” she announces bluntly. “Your lack of assets is a risk that is too much for us to take on.”
“And that’s final?” I ask.
“Yes, I’m afraid.”
“Oh, okay,” I whisper. “Thanks for letting me know.”
I hang up. I can’t hear another word. I can’t even put up a fight.
A rejection?
I really needed that loan.
I really, really needed that loan.
And now it has crumbled away. Just like my hopes for my life.
Today has turned into shit, and I’m not even halfway through my shift.
Despite everything, I am not a glass-half-full kind of person. I used to be the happy girl. I used to be the fun, carefree teenager with a long-term boyfriend who was going to marry me. I had confidence, a spark, and hope.
Hope died on the day my marriage fell apart...
The door to the alleyway suddenly opens up, and there, standing in the doorway, is my manager Amanda Miller. The Oak’s manager’s most distinguishing feature is the pretty scatter of freckles across her face. She has long strawberry-blonde hair that she always wears in a ponytail. I like her a lot. She’s a good, kind boss, but she’s the last person I want seeing me like this.
She looks at me as she swings open the door. She’s been looking for my sorry ass.
“I’m sorry,” I say to my boss as I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes. “I just came out here for a quick break, but I’ll go back to work now. I’m sorry I’ve been so emotional lately.”
