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“They may be hard men to live with,” Ava replies, “but they are the most loving. Those Penmaynes are infuriating, but there is an art to understanding them and the way they tick. I doubt it was as fake as it seemed. I don’t think Victor would feel the same way if you spoke to him today.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
“Really? You think so?”
“He told me it was fake,” I say.
“Yeah.”
“He sounded pretty damn serious about it,” I continue. “About how fake it was.”
“Sure.”
“We signed an agreement,” I say. “Look at me, I’m just a barista. I should’ve clearly realized from the very damn start I had no hope in hell actually dating the guy.”
“And I was a girl trying to pay off her dad’s debts,” Ava counters. “But the Penmaynes are above the shallow judgments of others. They might be tough, but they fall in love with the heart and not with the wallet.”
“I don’t know...”
“Josie, just answer this one question. Do you like Victor?”
I take in a long breath.
“I do.”
“Would you date him again?” Ava asks quietly. “Really date him, this time?”
“Yes, Ava. I would,” I reply.
And it’s the truth.
And it’s enough to make me start crying all over again.
And Ava leans over and gives me the biggest hug in the world.
75
JOSIE
I’m at home - sitting on the couch in my crappy apartment. I’m having a microwave dinner for one.
And I’m trying my hardest to push away the negative thoughts that plague me. I don’t need them spoiling my evening alone, even if they feel like a tsunami. I don’t want to reflect on my current shitty situation.
That conversation with Ava in the coffee shop really threw my head around for a few days. I couldn’t think straight after I spoke to her about Victor and the depth of my true emotions for him. Somehow, she got to the very core of what I’m feeling and made me admit things I haven’t admitted to myself.
And I’m terrified of it all.
I told myself I was going to live life on my own terms. But what if my own terms are about re-dating the impossible man I’ve fallen for?
Fuck, Josie.
I’m scrolling through social media as I eat. Yeah, I know it’s a bad thing to do, but I am really, really trying to block out my inner thoughts.
And then I see a post about the movie awards.
It’s on tonight.
Oh.
