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As I headed for the front door, I heard him say, “Can we please talk about this later? I can explain if you’ll let me.”
I didn’t answer him, just left, slamming the front door behind me.
*****
Work was hectic, which made it easy not to think about Zo’s revelation and to ignore his calls and texts and voicemails. The one text I did accidentally read consisted of him telling me he loved me and that he really could explain. Explain what? Explain how? Sure, I should’ve told him about my infertility sooner, but he managed to let four entire kids slip his mind, and that was just something he could never adequately explain.
After work, I stayed in my office, afraid if I went outside he would be out on the parking lot waiting for me. I sat at my desk until pretty late into the night before finally leaving and making my way to my mother’s house, because there was no way I was sleeping under the same roof as Lorenzo.
I parked in the driveway and stared at the house, my heart aching and breaking at the same time. I loved Lorenzo Higgs with everything in me, and a voice in the back of my head kept whispering that maybe I’d overreacted. I’d actually sat my ass up in my own home and babysat for Robert’s side chick. I’d eventually left, but I’d given him more respect and more grace over the decade of our hellish marriage than I did Lorenzo, who’d been so much better to me. I needed to go home to him, but I also needed time. A couple of days to sort through what he’d told me and separate my own feelings of inadequacy from my feelings of shock and well, anger at the fact that he’d kept this from me at all. I loved this man, gave him my heart at a time when I should’ve been keeping it under lock and key. I trusted him, and he kept this from me.
So you didn’t keep anything from him?
Shit, I was being a hypocrite, a huge hypocrite. I would go back and hear him out after work tomorrow. I really did owe him that much courtesy.
I slid out of my car, and a minute or so later, was padding up the stairs with no thought of even attempting to eat dinner. My life and my job had both exhausted me. I closed my eyes as I approached the door to my bedroom, my head so jumbled with thoughts that I actually passed the open door and found myself down the hall at my mother’s door. Shaking my head, I turned around, and once in my doorway, saw a sight that made me shriek and run all the way from the second floor out to my car, leaving the front door wide open.
