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“You’re sure that no one will be disappointed by my choice to wear a more human dress?” I ask Lalo as she puts the finishing touches on my hair.
It’s done in a Kar’Kali style, which took a three-person team of braiders and accessorizers to complete. They’ve created a net-like system of braids that flows from the crown of my head to the back of my neck. Shimmering stones and silver cuffs have been woven in among them, enough that my head feels heavier. One might think they were trying to slow me down in this mating chase. The remaining length flows out from underneath the intricate web in loose waves.
“You’ve spent the entire week worrying what the others will think of you,” Lalo sighs. “This one detail is for your comfort, and I deem that very important. Today, I hope you will focus on the joy of the moment.”
She affectionately fluffs the waves at my back but pauses abruptly as if realizing a grave error.
“I’m sorry,” she says quickly, taking her hands away.
“It’s alright,” I assure her. “The hair… For some reason, that didn’t bother me. But don’t worry about that. You’re right. Let’s focus on the moment.”
One of the palace staff girls appears at the doorway. Her eyes linger on me for a beat too long before she addresses Lalo. I glance at the mirror, wondering what she might’ve been staring at.
The dress might be conservative by Kar’Kali standards, but it still suits me. It’s teal silk, dyed the precise color of blue I once told Mak was my favorite. He requested the fabric, and Lalo did the rest with her expert skills. I opted for simplicity, and it hugs the lines of my body like a second skin. I’m fully covered from clavicle to ankle with the exception of my back. Unlike real silk from Earth, it’s delightfully stretchy.
“My mother’s asking for you,” the girl says. “Something about gifts? Is the Ka’lakkori ready?”
“I will be soon,” I say. “You go ahead, Lalo. My friends will be here soon to walk with me to the forest.” I summon my brightest smile for the girl who gazes at me almost suspiciously. “Annaka, right? Thank you for everything you’ve done today.”
She inclines her head. “It’s my duty.”
Lalo bids me goodbye graciously and follows the girl out, but I can’t shake the strange tension I felt from Annaka. But instead of fretting, I turn away from my reflection and remember what Lalo said. I’ll remain in the moment. I’d prefer to think about Mak and how he’s feeling. I’m sure he’s excited to see me, but he must be nervous too.
Today, he’ll have to chase me through the woods, the primitive tradition they either share with or stole from the kaia of the tundra. I remember our day with Tevi and think he must be remembering it too. I wish I could be like the kaia female we followed, boldly running and luring her mate to and fro. She decided it all—when and where to lead him, how to trick him, and when to let him catch and mount her…
But we have other plans, plans to protect my comfort and safety once we enter the forest.
A frown tugs at the corner of Kaye’s lip as she fusses over the veil that Raina once wore to her mate-bonding ceremony. She called it my “something borrowed.”
“Don’t start crying,” Raina warns, wagging her finger at our resident crybaby. “You act like you birthed Frankie yourself.”
“It’s not that,” she sighs.
“Pregnancy hormones?” I ask, raising an eyebrow and glancing suspiciously at her abdomen. She flushes.
“Not yet,” she says quickly, but I see a smile appear and know my job is done. No tears allowed on my watch. “We’re trying.”
“I’ll bet,” Raina quips.
“I’m just worried that you’re doing this for the wrong reasons,” Kaye says. “Are you even happy?”
Both of them look at me, waiting. I stare back, my heart pounding. It should be easier to hug her right now, reassure them both that I’m fine with a bit of physical warmth.
“I’m happy,” I tell her, unable to cross that distance between our bodies. The thought of her cheek brushing mine. A wave of nausea runs through me at the possibility, and I can’t risk having an episode before this event. I need total control today. “I didn’t know it would be possible for the three of us to be together again. For so long, I thought that the time we spent on EC-12 would be the only happy memories in my life. But we have years ahead of us… Years to build a life here, be family again.”
“And Mak?” Raina asks. “Can you be happy with him?”
I glance out the window, from which we can see the silvery-sage leaves of the forest where the ceremony will take place.
“I’ll be happy with him,” I reply, confident in that. I don’t want to lie to them, not about something this important, and I’m thankful I don’t have to. “It’s him I’m worried about. He’s an open book, and I’ve learned enough in the past weeks that I know he will always support me and give me what I need. But I’m not sure I can give him what he needs.”
“He’s in love with you,” Kaye says. “Anyone with eyes can see that.”
“Sure,” I agree. So much so that he’s blind to my faults, I think to myself. His own fucking spirit cursed him with me.
“It’s like you said,” Raina says, handing me the bouquet of flowers we sourced yesterday. The spray of alien blooms stands in contrast to my kali blue gown, all shades of silver and charcoal with a few clouds of what looks like lavender baby’s breath. “We have years to build. As long as you want this, we have your back.”
I chuckle. “I already signed a contract. This is all formality.”
