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Jude is pissing me off. I know I’m acting weird, but I feel as if I can’t control my emotions. I want to tell him, but I’m so scared. Jude’s never said he doesn’t want kids, but I feel as though I’m cornering him this early into whatever this is between us. I don’t know how he’ll react, and I’m afraid to tell him.
Plus, I wanted to wait to tell him until after I went to the doctor today to confirm the pregnancy and to ask how the hell I got pregnant when I had an IUD. Supposedly, they fall out of some people, and when she did my exam, she confirmed I’m one of those lucky folks. So while I thought we were having protected sex, we weren’t. Awesome.
Jude parks in the lot of The Hidden Cave, and I wait for him to open my door. To anyone, we probably look like a happy couple, but emotions stew beneath our smiles and touches. I should just spit it out. Come what may. Surely it will be better than this constant tension between us.
We walk in and go to the back, his hand on my lower back the entire time. When we get to the patio, we find Lottie standing on one of the picnic tables, everyone around her singing “Happy Birthday.”
“Sadie!” she shouts, clearly half-drunk already.
“Get the hell down before you hurt yourself,” Brooks says.
Lottie rolls her eyes and shoos him away, stepping down from the table and heading our way. She wraps me in a tight hug. “Shot time.” Then she moves over to Jude. “Hey, cuz.” She hugs him and grabs my hand. “Come on.”
I didn’t even think about how I was going to get out of drinking tonight. Lottie doesn’t drink alone and is usually the instigator of a good time at parties, which usually means shots and drinks.
“I’m not drinking. I have an early morning.”
She drops my hand and stares at me. “You scheduled something for the day after my birthday?”
I cringe. “Sorry, but I’m here, aren’t I?”
Jude leaves my side to huddle with his brothers and cousins. I’m glad to be away from the awkwardness between us lately, even if I’m the reason for it.
“Yes, you are.” She hugs me again, and I smell the alcohol on her breath.
“Stop serving her, Melvin,” Brooks says to the owner’s son who sits at the end of the bar every night.
“She’s fine,” he says and winks at Lottie.
She blows him a kiss. “Dance with me.”
Lottie takes her shot, and before I get my water, she drags me to the makeshift dance floor in front of the tables. While we dance, Romy and Laurel join in with Scarlett and Poppy. This family does love to party. We’re in a circle, singing the words to the song, jumping up and down, bobbing our heads, and it feels good to get out of my head for a bit.
Then the song ends, and I look around, finding Jude staring at me. He’s at the silo bar with Ben and his cousins, his elbows resting on the bar and his gaze on me. He doesn’t smile and why should he? Things have been crap between us since I found out I was pregnant.
My hand slips down as if on instinct, but I stop it before I rub my stomach, a dead giveaway. I offer Jude a smile, and he tips the top of his beer at me, winking. But it’s not his usual one. It’s forced. I’m getting his forced smiles, and it breaks my heart.
“Are you okay?” Gillian shouts in my ear. She must’ve just joined us.
I nod. “Fine.”
She studies me for a second and narrows her eyes, giving me an expression as if to say that if I need to talk, I know where to find her. “The Noughton boys are complicated.”
Did she hear something? Is Jude at the bar complaining about me?
The next song is a slow song, so I leave the dance area.
Ben passes me. “Hey, Sadie.”
I turn to see him grab Gillian by the waist, tugging her back onto the dance floor. They slow dance, and my heart pricks because Jude and I should be there.
“Come on.” Jude comes up from behind me and slides his hand in mine, dragging me back to the dance floor.
“But you hate to dance.”
“Not with you I don’t.” He pulls me into his arms, his hands wrapping around my waist.
I slide my hands up his neck and rest my head on his chest. He leads us around the dance floor, and I keep my eyes closed, loving the feeling of being in his arms. I want to be with him forever. Have as many babies as we’re fortunate to have, grow old, and sit on the porch. I want the rest of my life to be with Jude. And I’m pretty sure he wants that too. So why have I been so scared to tell him?
