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I hammer out the text quickly before I lose my nerve.
Morning. Want to do lunch? I have something to talk to you about.
I wait for a few seconds. No answer. Great.
“Maybe he’s not awake,” Lottie says with her coffee cup in the air, waiting for the waitress to refill her.
“This is Jude. He wakes up with the roosters.”
“If you were in bed with him, he wouldn’t.” She waggles her eyebrows.
“Let’s just talk about something else.” I put my phone in my purse and bury my head in my plate.
“Sadie?” Lottie asks a minute later when neither of us has said anything else. I lift up my head, and Lottie studies me for a beat. “He’d be a fool not to return your affections. You know that, right? You’re the best thing in his life, and if he can’t see that, he’s a fool, even if he’s my cousin.”
I smile, my body calming. I wasn’t even aware how much I needed to hear those words, but I know in my gut that Jude and I are at a crossroads. It’s time to either move on hand in hand or part ways. The thought of seeing him with a woman, a wife, who isn’t me, feels like someone is holding a knife to my throat. But it’s now or never.
“Thank you.”
She places her hand over mine and squeezes without saying anything sarcastic. She’s been a great friend to me over the years, and I’m lucky to have her as a sounding board.
We finish our breakfast and hug goodbye in the parking lot. When I get into my car, my phone dings with a text message from Jude.
Definitely. I’ll pick you up at noon.
All the nerves I managed to settle in the diner double. I remind myself that Lottie is right, he’d be a fool, so I respond.
Great. See you then.
I shoot home to shower, shave, and do my hair and makeup just to make sure I look my best. Not that Jude is one to notice or say anything about my appearance, but if I’m going to finally put myself out there after all these years, I’m going to get prettied up.
I pass Jude’s family ranch and turn down the dirt road to ours. We don’t have the iron arch, and our fence isn’t newly painted like theirs. A flood a few years back devastated our acreage, which is a small amount compared to most people around here. But this year was the first year since then that I think we turned a profit. I wouldn’t know, since my dad is too prideful to tell me anything. Even after I ended up staying here after high school instead of going to college, he doesn’t want me to be part of the company financials.
I park in front of our house that my dad has had no time to keep up. The red paint peels off the shutters, and the wooden porch stairs are worn from never being freshened up. My dad’s truck is in front of the house, which is unusual since Sundays aren’t restful for my dad anymore. He works our farm seven days a week.
Although I’ve moved into the small one-room cottage behind my parents’ house that they built for my grandma, I always check on Mom as soon as I get home.
I climb the porch stairs, checking my watch and seeing I have two hours to get ready.
I continue to give myself the pep talk I need to spit out the words to Jude in a little bit. There have been signs with Jude over the years—small ones—but I never know if it’s friendship or more. Even though he’s my best friend, he’s so damn hard to read.
A scream echoes out of the house, freezing me in place.
Mom.
Oh shit, I hope she didn’t fall again.
My footsteps pound on the uneven porch boards, and I rush through the front screen door, following my mom’s yells. “Mom!”
“In here. Oh, Sadie. Help!”
Panic flares as I fly up the stairs, pumping my arms. My mom cries out for me again. Please tell me this isn’t the day I’ve feared since high school graduation. She’s been better lately, the new medication helping her symptoms.
I run through my parents’ bedroom door and find my mom’s hands on my dad’s chest.
“Mom?” It takes my brain a minute to make sense of what I’m seeing. It’s not my mom in trouble, it’s my dad.
She looks at me with tears streaming down her cheeks, and she doesn’t have to say a word for me to know it’s likely too late. “Call the ambulance.”
