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“Too old-school country.”
She tosses the phone into my lap, and my beer spills when I try to grab it. “Have at it, big guy.”
Straightening in the chair, she stares at the water, watching those two ducks that haven’t left yet.
“I’m sure I can find us one.” There are a few that have always reminded me of Sadie, but I’m torn between two. “How about this one?”
I play “From the Ground Up” by Dan & Shay.
She sips her wine, and I listen to the words, my eyes unable to stray from her. The duo sings about building a life together, getting married and having a family. It’s perfect for a wedding, and I’m sure it would bring tears to Sadie’s mom’s eyes. I always wanted to slow dance with her to this song when I imagined taking my shot and telling her my feelings.
“I like it,” she says. “I think I saw it on a list.”
I scroll through the music on her phone. “I have one more.”
“Really? I thought it was perfect.” There’s a sheen of tears in her eyes.
I press play on “Your Everything” by Keith Urban.
The music plays, and she listens intently. I once again admire her sitting next to me. The lyrics speak about how much a man wants to be a woman’s everything. To be the one who makes her smile and supports her in her dreams. And that’s what I’ve always wanted to be to Sadie, but I doubt that I’m enough for her. I can’t change the grumpy, quiet guy I am. She deserves someone like Ben, who isn’t afraid to tell the whole world his feelings and show his affection.
God, she’s so beautiful. She looks as though she’s meant to be in that seat. I want the two of us sitting in this exact position, watching our kids play or enjoying early mornings before they wake or dark nights after they go to bed. It’s a dream I’ve had many times, but I’ve never taken the chance on making it become a reality. I almost did once. But then things changed.
“I love it,” she says, wiping tears from eyes. “It’s perfect, Jude.”
I nod. “Then it’s done. We have a song. I need another beer.”
I place her phone on the table between us and walk into the house. When I reach the kitchen, I rest my hands on the edge of the counter and take a moment to gather myself. To remind myself that she needs me right now. I can’t make this about myself and my feelings.
I grab another beer and walk back out to the porch.
“So, when should I move in?” she asks when I sit down.
Fucking hell, I just got myself in check and now she’s talking about moving in here.
I unscrew the cap of my beer and put it on the table. “Whenever you want.”
“Oh, okay.” She sounds upset.
I should reassure her. I didn’t mean to be short, but that line between doing what’s best for her and what my head and my heart—and apparently my dick—want is threadbare right now.
“I’ll move you in after the wedding.” I tip back my beer and gulp down half the damn bottle.
She doesn’t say anything, and we both watch two ducks swim around the lake, ignoring everything we should be talking about. Things like how real this wedding is starting to feel and what it will mean for our future.
Chapter Seventeen
Jude
The rehearsal went as well as could be expected. My boisterous family was rowdy and not listening to Romy’s instructions at all. But when she pulled out a bullhorn and nearly made us all deaf, we fell into line.
We were going to have a cookout behind the house, but Gillian, the new woman in our family, said it’s too cold, and when Emmett said we could do a bonfire, she shut that down too. So we’re having a meal at The Knotted Barn. It’s a buffet, and most people here are family and close friends.
Sadie’s across the room in a dress that shows off her amazing legs. She’s talking with her mom and my dad, and all three of them are laughing. I walk across the room to join their three-person circle.
“Jude.” Dad nods, and Sadie and her mom part to allow me in. “I was just telling them about that time when Monty came to the house and said you were sneaking into Sadie’s room.”
Sadie puts her hand on my forearm. Her touch feels as normal as breathing at this point. “It was because Snowball died. Remember, I would cry at night because I was used to him sleeping at the foot of my bed? So you’d climb up the terrace and sit with me until I fell asleep.”
