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“Is it about Abernathy’s murder? Augusta is a good and fair detective, so try not to worry.”
Savannah relaxed a little. “That’s part of it, but not all. Hez showed up out of the blue and asked for another chance.”
Nora’s brown eyes went wide behind her glasses. “I—I don’t know what to say. How do you feel about it?”
“I blew him off at first, but once it was clear I was under suspicion for Abernathy’s death, I knew I needed his help. I agreed to drop the divorce for now so there’s no conflict of interest.”
“There are other attorneys.”
Savannah appreciated her friend’s cautious tone. “I know, but Hez is the best.”
Nora’s pert nose wrinkled. “You sure that’s the only reason? Something has prevented you from filing for divorce before now. I know your faith kept you hanging on, just like it did me. We’ve talked about everything over the past two years except for your husband. You freeze whenever his name is brought up. Even when you told me you were filing for divorce, you didn’t want to talk about it. You just did it without any discussion.”
Savannah took a sip of her cider so she didn’t have to answer right away. She finally set her cup back on the table. “It’s normal to avoid talking about painful subjects.”
“Oh please, this is me you’re talking to. You’ve heard me blather on about Nathan’s death ad nauseam over the past three years. I talk about how much I loved him and how much I miss him. I’ve told you about the affair he had when he was deployed to Japan and how God reminded me of my own sin when he came crawling back. We’ve discussed how hard it was to rebuild our marriage and how excited he was when Preston was born. But you’re as silent as a fence post about your relationship with Hez. You’ve kept back every detail except that he drank too much and took Vicodin after Ella’s death.”
“It’s hard to talk about it.”
“Do you still blame him for Ella’s death?”
Savannah shook her head. “I never did blame him. At least I didn’t think I did. It could have happened to anyone. Ella had just learned to open that door, and I had found her outside the day before she drowned. She’d slipped out on me too.”
“But you found her. You paid attention. Wasn’t he supposed to be watching her?”
“Yes.” The old horrifying memories tried to surface, and Savannah swallowed them back down. “He always cared more about his job than he did us. Or at least it felt that way. No matter how carefully we planned a vacation or an event, work always intruded.”
“Isn’t that kind of normal for an attorney?”
Savannah bobbed her head. “I knew before I married him how it would be. I thought I could handle it, but we’d started fighting about his preoccupation with his work. We’d go to parties with his associates and I saw how distant some of the couples seemed to be. I didn’t want that to be us.”
“Did you talk to him about Ella? It might have been helpful to go to the cemetery together.”
“I never heard from him. The day came and went like any other day. I even stopped by the grave later in the evening to see if he’d left anything. There was no sign he’d even been there.” She shredded a paper napkin into strips. “I’ve hardly slept because it upset me so much.”
“Did you call him? Text him?”
“Well, no.”
“Maybe he was hurt he didn’t hear from you.”
“I never thought about calling him.”
Maybe she should have reached out, but things felt so awkward between them ever since he’d walked back into her life. She didn’t know how to repair a marriage that had splintered into a thousand pieces. But maybe she could try. Wouldn’t God want her to at least see if anything was left?
“Do you want to try again with Hez?”
Savannah slumped in her chair. “I don’t know.” She palmed her forehead. “I’m such an idiot. I keep thinking about how it was with Hez. He’s always been bigger than life, and his smile could light up my whole life. He’d come home after a big case was settled and carry me off to a romantic weekend at the beach. It’s hard to forget all that.”
“The heart wants what the heart wants. Has Hez changed?”
“He’s trying. It’s too early to know if it will hold. He’s been going to AA. But he still works too much, and I don’t think he’s come to terms with Ella’s death. Before we decided to attempt to reconcile, we’d have to really talk. I’d have to be sure he’s changed.”
“So talk. You are so good at your job and can take charge of any situation except this one.”
“I can’t stand the thought of ripping that wound wide open again when it’s finally scabbed over a bit.” She toyed with a napkin. “And to be honest, the second I saw him I wanted to be in his arms again. Crazy, isn’t it?”
“I get it, but you can’t heal yourself without talking to him. It’s time, Savannah. Past time.”
