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Jess tucked a stray blonde lock back into place. Her hazel eyes filled with tears as she gripped Savannah’s hand. “You’ve been happier lately. Well, at least until Hez had to come back into your life. Now you’re sad again. I can’t stand it.”
“I’d probably be in jail if he hadn’t.”
Savannah began walking along a weedy oyster-shell path toward Ella’s grave. Aware of where they were going, Marley ran on ahead to sit atop Ella’s grave. She’d tried to keep up the headstones and crypts of the immediate family—their grandparents, their mother, and of course her precious baby girl.
As she drew near to the spot, her pulse raced and her mouth went dry. She fell to her knees in front of the black oval stone with Ella’s picture etched onto its surface and reached out to trace her daughter’s smiling face. The sweet scent of wildflowers filled her head.
She and Hez had chosen a verse from Luke to be inscribed below Ella’s image: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Though she knew with every fiber of her being that she’d see Ella again someday, it was the now that was so painful. She struggled to hold back the tears so she didn’t upset her sister.
She preferred to come here alone, but Jess had insisted on being with her. Savannah had been afraid Hez’s return would make this year’s anniversary all the more painful. And maybe it had. Seeing him brought back memories of that horrible day.
She stretched out over the grave and let the fresh scent of grass push out the memory of the wail of the ambulance and the screams that had erupted from her own throat when she heard the news.
Her friend Nora always reminded her to remember the good times, and Savannah would try to focus on those today.
She sat up and wiped the moisture from her cheeks, then leaned over to pluck weeds from around the gravesite. The last statue she’d brought, one of an Aussie, still seemed in good condition. She traced the lines of the dog’s fur, and an unexpected smile lifted her lips. At least the artist hadn’t had to try to carve that wild tooth of Hez’s dog. Cody would have been a hard dog to create.
She became aware of Jess’s hovering presence. “Ella loved dogs. Any dog, but especially Marley. I think there have to be dogs in heaven.”
Marley woofed at the sound of his name.
Jess stirred and settled on the bench. “It’s such a peaceful place up here. Do you come up often?”
“When Ella first died, I came every day, sometimes more than once. Now I come often, but it’s not a compulsion.” She glanced at her sister’s somber face. “Remember how Ella would squeal when you came to see us? She’d run with her arms outstretched the minute she spotted your car.”
Jess bit her lip and tucked her chin down. “She was a special little girl, Savannah. I didn’t mean to imply earlier that any of us would ever forget her. I miss her too. Why does there have to be so much pain in life?”
“Pain and loss are part of life. We all know that. You and I more than most.” Her gaze wandered to the headstone over their mother’s grave. “It was hard to lose Mom.” There was a plot for her father someday when he died, but it wasn’t a spot her sister would care about.
Jess looked up and followed Savannah’s gaze. “I might come up here and dance on his grave when the old man finally has the good sense to die.”
Savannah sighed. “You need to forgive him, Jess. Your hatred only hurts you.”
“Oh, I know he doesn’t care how I feel. He’s always made it abundantly clear. I wish I’d realized sooner I wasn’t his own child. It might have made the abuse easier to tolerate.”
Jess didn’t often talk about this, but Savannah wasn’t ready to delve into that pain on an already agonizing day.
Jess glanced at her. “You’re a lot like Mom, you know. Beauty, brains, and a fatal problem with trusting the wrong man. Look where it got her—bruises and tongue-lashings? I’m so afraid Hez is going to hurt you. It would kill me to see you in so much pain again.”
Savannah’s cheeks went hot. Discussing how she felt about Hez wasn’t something she wanted to do. Not today. “Hez is nothing like Dad.”
“You’re defending him like Mom defended your dad.”
Savannah struggled to keep from raising her voice. Her sister was speaking out of love. “How can you talk to me like this on today of all days?” Her voice broke, and she reached out to touch Ella’s picture again. Her baby. Sobs built in her chest again, and she had to let them out. But the hot tears rolling down her cheeks brought no relief—they only amplified how much she missed the sweet scent of Ella’s skin and hair and the feel of her small arms wrapped around Savannah’s neck.
She rocked back and forth, and her cries echoed back at her from the canopy of trees overhead. “Ella, my Ella,” she sobbed.
“I’m sorry, so sorry!” Jess put her arm around Savannah’s waist and lifted her to her feet. “Come on, honey. I’ll cancel my meeting and your classes, and we’ll get you a peppermint mocha.”
Jess only wanted to help, so Savannah let her lead her away. No solace was here anyway—only the insistent knowledge that her life would never be the same. Not ever.
Jess paused near the top of the hillside and frowned at one of the trees. Savannah didn’t care enough to ask why Jess seemed distracted. It was an opportunity for her to pull out of her sister’s grip and choke back her sobs. She took several deep breaths and tried to gather her composure.
People had remarked on how strong she’d been through the tragedy, but today the grief had taken her down to the depths. The only way to fight it was to run, just for a little while. Until tomorrow came, and she didn’t have to remember every detail of when the light went out of her life.
How was Hez handling the anniversary? She prayed he wasn’t falling apart like her.
Chapter 11
