AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She smiles at me. “Do you remember how nervous you were to tell us you were gay? You got yourself into a fluster, tears and all. And after you did, your dad laughed and said, ‘Of course you like women, who wouldn’t?’ He might surprise you again.”
“No, Mom. This isn’t the same. He wouldn’t be so accepting.” I drop my fork, listen to it ting against the plate. Then, without warning, the dam breaks and I can’t keep the surge at bay. I don’t want to keep Rowan a secret. I shouldn’t have to, she’s the person I love. “It really pisses me off because she’s… She looks at me like I’m the only woman in the world. And she makes me feel that way, too—like I’m the only person she’s ever felt safe enough with to let her guard down around. And she more than sees me, she gets me. In a way no one else ever has.”
“That sounds a lot like love to me.”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t.”
“Then I’m not sure there’s much your father could do about it.”
I look at her like she’s dense, as though she’s forgotten who she’s married to. “He’s Patrick Calloway. He could do a lot about it.” He’s done plenty to put a stop to things and people he doesn’t “appreciate,” like holding a .38 special to my prom date’s head, cocking the hammer, and threatening to blow his face off if he touched me “inappropriately” or got me home a minute past midnight. “I love Dad, but sometimes he can be one fry short of a Happy Meal.”
My mother lets a small laugh escape her lips. “Good thing I’m not him, then.” She places her hand over mine. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that, right? I don’t tell your father everything.”
“Can we just drop it? You called it, there’s someone who makes me happy, and I have real feelings for her. Can’t that be enough?”
“It can be. For now. I’ll work on your father about your girls’ weekend.” She singsongs the last two words.
Technically, girls’ weekend isn’t a lie. “Thanks, Mom.”
She pats my cheek.
EIGHT
ROWAN
I walk into my dad’s study, hands in my pockets so he can’t see they’re clenched into fists, and take a seat in one of the well-worn brown leather lounge chairs. It’s all I feel when I’m around him lately—restlessness, as though I’d rather pull a Forrest Gump and book it cross-country on foot than be in his presence, or do his bidding, or hear him speak. He doesn’t have me in a stranglehold; my leash is long. But it’s a leash, nonetheless.
He’s talking at me—I don’t say to, because it’s never to me—from his side of the desk. I’m not pretending to care, we’re beyond that at this point, only pretending to listen.
I could’ve gone to college. I’m smart enough, and always got good grades. I thought about it for a while when I was younger, studying business management or something practical. Anything to give me a shot at normalcy, at going legit. But my father didn’t think I needed to. “What are you going to learn about business management that I can’t teach you?” he said, the one and only time I brought it up. “I’ve built you an empire. I’ll show you how to keep it.” Back then I didn’t have it in me to tell him I didn’t want it. I’m not sure I have it in me now.
If only I’d had a brother, the son he longed for who died alongside my mother in the delivery room when I was six years old. Then I wouldn’t have to swallow this shit sandwich. And I probably wouldn’t have been such a lonely kid, either. Someone else would know what his love looks like, how hollow and conditional it is. When I have a minute to think about it, I wonder if he’s a sociopath, if he’d give a shit about me at all should I openly refuse to follow orders.
“Rowan, did you hear me?”
“No. Sorry, I’m pretty wiped.”
“Well, do I know this girl?”
You sure do. “No.”
“Hmm. Best to get it out of your system now before things get serious with Elisa.”
Things will never get serious with Elisa. “You’re right. So, you were saying?”
“Don’t open any of the boxes at the marina. I just need you there to supervise and deliver them.”
Like a felonious Amazon driver. Cool cool. “How many boxes are there?”
“Seven.”
Lucky number. “And you’re not going to tell me what’s in them?”
“Do you want to know?”
“Not really.” I’m sure whatever it is could kill someone, or a lot of people.
“It’s safer for you if you don’t.”
