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“Says the girl currently sprawled across her bed on a Monday afternoon, buried under a pile of textbooks.” I stare blankly, and she puts the candle down on my bedside table before sweeping the books off my bed to make space for her ass. “Is this because of your comms class?”
I nod as a heavy sigh tears from deep inside of me. “Yep. He’s giving me one last shot to pull my shit together, otherwise, he’s failing me.”
“What? That’s bullshit.”
“No, bullshit was when he suggested I was a freeloader who thought she was going to sail through college on her brother’s fame.”
“No,” she gasps. “Tell me you’re lying.”
“I wish I were,” I say. “So now on top of needing to raise my grade, I also have to prove I’m actually good enough to be here, and that my admission wasn’t just accepted because I’m Axel Stone’s little sister.”
Her face scrunches with distaste before her eyes light up. “You know what you need?” she asks, watching me a little too closely. “Dick. You need a lot of dick. Like a big, thick dick that’ll take you to pound town.”
“I do not need a dick.”
“The girls who say they don’t need a dick are the ones who need it the most. Just a wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. It’ll be done and dusted in twenty minutes, and assuming he knows how to use his equipment, you’ll be left feeling like a whole new woman.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You know, it’s scientifically proven that releasing all that pent-up frustration is great for the mind. Once you come and throw him out, you can get back to your textbooks and your mind will be like a little sponge soaking up all the communications drivel that nobody actually cares about.”
I give her a blank stare. “You made that up.”
Madds shrugs her shoulders. “It could be true.”
I roll my eyes, but before I get a chance to tell her how ridiculous she is, she pulls her phone out. “Listen, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I ran into this guy yesterday who said that he saw us together last week and wanted to know if you were single, and of course I told him you were available. He’s really cute and seems super down to Earth, and I think you should go to dinner with him tonight and see where it goes.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Don’t be a bore. We’re twenty-two years old. This is our time to fuck around and have a good time. Before we know it, college will be over, and we’ll be out there in the real world, and when you look back on these days, it won’t be with fondness. You’ll be bummed that you wasted your youth holed up in a stinky bedroom, reading over textbooks you already know back to front.”
My shoulders sag as I gaze up at her. I haven’t been with anyone since starting college, to the point I’m becoming quite fond of the cobwebs growing in my vagina. Fucking around with random guys isn’t really my style. He Who Shall Not Be Named Out Loud ruined me for that, but the idea of being touched by a man . . .
Shit. I have mixed feelings. I have a whole closet of trauma that I refuse to look at, but at what point am I supposed to claim my life back? My years with Ezra were amazing, but after they left me alone with him . . . It destroyed me in every way.
Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
I have more scars than any woman should ever have to deal with, and they’re all packaged up inside of me. But every day, I feel the seals of that package begin to weaken, like little tendrils of a rope, slowly breaking fiber by fiber, and eventually, it’s going to tear wide open, and I’m terrified of the day that happens.
I’m not coping. I can feel myself falling to pieces, but maybe Madds is right. Maybe holding out on myself isn’t the key. Maybe it’s time to let go and try to enjoy the smaller things in life. Who knows, maybe this guy is the one who’s going to light a match inside of me and ignite the fire that Ezra burned out.
“Alright,” I finally tell her, feeling the small amount of hope I just mustered up already fading fast. “Give me his number.”
Madds gapes at me. “Wait. What?” she stutters. “For real? I was just talking shit. There’s no way I thought you’d actually agree. I was already thinking about ordering Thai food.”
“Do you want me to go or not?”
“Yes!” she screeches, flying up from my bed. “Oh my god, yes! We need to figure out something for you to wear. Holy shit.” Madds pauses and looks at me, tears forming in her big blue eyes. “My girl is finally going to get laid.”
Well, shit. What could possibly go wrong?
Two hours later, I walk into the only fancy restaurant in town, and by fancy, I mean it’s the only one that offers napkins and clean cutlery. Apart from this, our options were McDonald’s or the college bar. At least here I could maybe get a decent steak.
Making my way to the hostess, I offer her a small smile. “Hi, I’m meeting someone. I’m not sure what he looks like.”
“Do you have a name?”
I cringe. Shit. Why’d she have to hit me with the hard questions? “Uhhh . . . Brad. I think?”
