AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Fuck.”
I pause for a moment, needing a second. “There were times it got so bad that I considered running away, but I was never brave enough. I didn’t want to live on the street. I didn’t have a job or money. I didn’t know how I was going to feed myself. So I stayed, and night after night, I thought about taking a blade and slicing it across my wrists. I wanted to die. I needed to die, and it made me feel weak.”
Tears stream down my face at the admission. It’s not something I’ve ever spoken of, not something I’m proud of, but I want to be honest with him. I want us to start fresh on a clean slate with no secrets between us.
“Some nights I stayed at the lake and slept in the bushes, and some nights I slipped through your old bedroom window and slept in your bed, but I was always punished worse when I refused to come home. Your parents never said anything about it, but I think they knew I was there because there were always clean sheets on your bed.”
Ezra nods. “Mom told me that once, but I always assumed it was because you missed me. Not because . . .”
“It’s okay,” I tell him, squeezing his hand, knowing just how hard this is to hear about the hell I suffered through. “Going to school every day was my only reprieve,” I continue. “It gave me something to work toward, something to keep my mind off it, but I struggled more than you’ll ever know. I worked my ass off to get into college, and I applied everywhere I could that was far enough away that he couldn’t find me. I made it my life’s mission to get away, and the day my first acceptance letter came, I finally found that first ray of hope. I was accepted into thirty-two colleges, that’s how many I applied for, and I hid every single one from him. He didn’t know I was leaving until I was already gone, and I never looked back.”
“What happened after college?” he asks, struggling to maintain control when I know every fiber in his body is daring him to get up, fly to Michigan, and end my father’s pathetic life.
“After Ax died, I was in a really bad place,” I tell him. “Axel was paying my rent, and I was already failing my classes. The dean gave me the option to pull out and try again later, but I couldn’t fathom the idea. I was so broken that I just dropped out instead. I had nowhere to go, and I was drowning in grief, not thinking properly, and despite vowing to myself that I would never return there, I went back to Michigan and practically lived on the street. I needed a job, needed to save up some cash, and then I’d be able to leave and start a new life, but being there . . . It didn’t feel like home, and I was petrified every time I walked into a store or turned the corner that I’d see him, and so I left, and since then—”
“Since then what?” he prompts.
Humiliation rocks through me, and I pull off his lap, curling up on the couch beside him. “I’ve lived out of the back of my car, moving from town to town, working shit jobs just to keep myself clothed, bathed, and fed. Right up until I received the call from Lenny offering me this job.”
With me now free of his lap, Ezra flies to his feet and starts pacing, shaking his head. “That’s two fucking years, Rae. You’ve been living out of the back of a car for two fucking years, and you didn’t even try to call me?”
My gaze falls to my hands. “I’m not proud of it, Ezra. I know I should have called, but I was so beyond broken, and I was angry. I blamed you for leaving, and I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t even know if you still loved me or even cared.”
“Of course I fucking cared, Rae,” he says, stepping in front of the couch and dropping to his knees before me. “I’ve always cared. I’ve never stopped.”
I nod, reaching out and cupping the side of his face. “I know that now.”
Ezra drops his head so that his forehead rests against my legs, and I curl my hand around the back of his head, holding him to me. “I’ve got you now, Rae,” he vows. “I’m never going to let you down like that again.”
“You never let me down. I let you down when I failed to tell you what was going on, and I let you down when I put Axel’s death on your shoulders. I never should have told you that it was your fault. That was cruel of me. I lashed out at you in the hopes it would take away just a fraction of my pain, but all it did was make it worse.”
Ezra lets out a breath and gets to his feet before offering me his hand. “Come on,” he says. “Let me feed you.”
I take his hand and let him pull me up, and he leads me out of Axel’s home, making sure to lock up behind him. He orders takeout, and we start walking, making our way back to his place. We dawdle, taking our time, walking in a comfortable silence as he holds me to his side.
By the time we reach his front door, the delivery driver is showing up, and after getting our dinner, Ezra leads me into his home. It’s quiet, unlike the other times I’ve been here, and I like the peace. Axel’s home is beautiful, but there’s a loneliness to it, whereas Ezra’s home is full of life.
He leads me to his living room, and I sit cross-legged on the couch as I eat.
“There’s one thing I’m not understanding,” Ezra murmurs, his fork hovering over his takeout container.
“What’s that?” I ask around a mouthful of noodles.
“Why you’ve been living out of your car when you’re fucking loaded.”
I arch my brow. “In what world am I loaded? Are you insane?”
His brows furrow, deep in thought. “Axel’s will. He left everything to you,” he tells me, looking at me as though I just need a moment to jog my memory and then it’ll all come rushing back, but there’s no memory to jog. I’d know for sure if Axel left me his whole estate. “His properties. Money. All the ongoing royalties from our music. It’s all yours.”
I shake my head. “I literally have no idea what you’re talking about. After Axel died, that was it. I was never contacted about his estate, never even got to ask about it.”
“No. That’s not right. He specifically told me he was leaving everything to you. I was there when he signed his will.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe he changed his mind and wanted to leave it to someone else.”
Ezra shakes his head. “No, I would have known,” he tells me. “I’m gonna call my lawyers in the morning and see if I can figure this out.”
I lean back on the couch. “Just so you know, if I’ve been living out of the back of my car and showering in shitty motel rooms for two years when I could have been living it up, I’m gonna be pissed.”
