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His whole face falls, and he does what he can to mask his disappointment by looking back down at the menu. The discomfort at the table is almost comical, and as I look around, I catch the eye of the waitress. She gives me a thumbs up before flipping it upside down, silently asking me how it’s going, and I don’t hesitate to return her thumbs down.
“Fuck, this place is shit,” Brad says, stealing my attention from the waitress. “Glad I just stopped for a burger on the way.”
My eyes practically burst out of my head. “Excuse me?”
“No big deal, baby. Just grabbed something to eat,” he says before winking. “Figured we wouldn’t be here long.”
“You left me waiting here for you for thirty minutes while you stopped to get yourself a burger?” I question, trying to wrap my head around this. “Holy fuck. You’re a piece of shit.”
“What?”
I stand and grab my purse. “I see men like you all the time. You think you can fuck your way into meeting my brother, but the joke’s on you because after finding out that you left me waiting for thirty minutes while you stopped to feed your arrogant ass, he wouldn’t even give you the time of day. And for what it’s worth, meeting the fucking waitress was more thrilling than sitting opposite you. I honestly pity the poor woman you end up with.”
With that, I hightail it out of there, and as I pass the hostess, she holds her hand out for a high five, and I don’t fucking miss. Only the second I get back into my car and the silence surrounds me, all I feel is empty.
I used to have it all, and now this is what I’m subjected to.
How the hell have I fallen so low?
I’m pathetic. Nothing more than someone else’s meal ticket to my brother . . . or Ezra. The number of girls who’ve asked me if I can give them Ezra’s number is just insane.
Tears roll down my cheeks as I pull out of my parking space, and by the time I’m halfway back to my apartment, there are enough tears to fill the Nile, and I have no choice but to pull over and wait for it to run its course.
The tears just keep coming, and before I know it, heavy sobs tear through my chest. I’m fucking pathetic. I’m failing my classes, I’m a joke to those around me, and on top of that, I’ve lost my happiness. Every day is a struggle, and I feel myself breaking. Hell, I think I’m already there.
My phone rings, cutting through the Bluetooth in my car, and instead of rejecting the call until I find just a semblance of composure, a wave of anger infects me. Before I know it, I’m answering Axel’s call.
“Hey Turd—”
“It’s all your fault,” I rush out between my heavy sobs, barely able to catch my breath. “Do you have any idea what life is like for me? As long as you’re my brother, I don’t stand a chance of having a normal life.”
“Rae—”
“No. Don’t Rae, me,” I cry. “You have no idea what kind of hell I had to endure after you left. You were my only protection, both of you were, and then you were just gone. Do you have any idea how that feels? What he did to me? What it’s like to have to go through that night after night? How could you leave me to endure that?”
“What?” he says, a shift in his tone that sends searing hot panic through my chest.
Fuck.
I wasn’t supposed to say that. I’ve gone six agonizing years without saying a word, and in one fell swoop, I’ve word vomited it all out onto the pavement. My heart races as horror leaves me absolutely speechless.
“What the fuck did you just say, Raleigh? What are you talking about? Did someone touch you?”
“I . . . I . . . It’s nothing. Just forget I said anything,” I tell him, my whole body shaking with unease.
If he knew. If they knew.
I’ve gone out of my way not to breathe a word of my past to Axel because the moment he discovers the truth, his career is over. He would be back in Michigan within an instant, undoing everything he’s worked for. And the guilt . . . It would cripple him.
“Rae. I’m not fucking around. What are you talking about?”
“Really, I’m fine,” I tell him, wiping my tears on the back of my arm. “I’m just having a really shitty day. Madds talked me into going on a blind date, and after making me wait for over half an hour, turns out all he wanted was to fuck me in the hopes of getting an in with you.”
“The fuck?”
“Welcome to my life,” I say with a heavy sigh.
“Shit. It’s happened before?”
