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We found the boys outside with the kids, Jason and Mike chasing Daisy and Nicky around the table while Dillon stacked logs in the fire pit. I couldn’t help myself—Mike looked so happy playing with my cousin’s children. I touched my belly, feeling the life force of our tiny infant deep within.

Macy saw me and leaned close to whisper, “I’m sure he’ll be there for you.”

I nodded. She was right. It was time to tell him. I played hostess for the rest of the night, making sure everyone was having a good time. It was an easy job. We were almost family. We finished up most of the burgers and all of the hot dogs, leaving Mike and me with few leftovers for tomorrow. I directed all of the dirty dishes to the kitchen, promising to have them washed and returned to their owners tomorrow. I was glad we had bought a bottle of wine because Macy decided she wanted a glass. Lindsey and Jason were sharing a six-pack they had brought, and Dillon wasn’t drinking that night. I made a pitcher of lemonade for me and the kids, and between the five of us, we finished it off.

We said good night to our friends, standing in the driveway like proper homeowners. Mike began to clean up around the kitchen, but I stopped him.

“I’ll do the dishes tomorrow,” I said.

He shrugged.

“I have something to tell you.” I held my breath.

He came out of the kitchen, walking with me to the living room. We had moved the recliner to create a better traffic flow while our friends were here. Mike dragged it back into place and sat down, pulling me onto his lap.

I drew in a deep breath. This was the revelation I had been dreading for weeks. Our future hung in the balance; the lives of three people depended on my ability to deliver the news. I still couldn’t think of a way to say it without frightening him. There was no gentle way to tell someone that their entire life was about to change. I would just have to follow Lindsey’s advice and “rip the Band-Aid off.”

Mike looked up at me expectantly. He had been waiting for me to let him in ever since that conversation days ago where we had both indicated we had something to hide. He made no move to pester me, just waited for me to come to it in my own time. I savored that last instant of ignorant bliss before breaking my silence.

“I’m pregnant,” I said. It was out in the open now, and I watched his face fall, just as I knew it would.

“What? How long have you known?” He seemed angry, and I shifted in my seat, not rising from his lap, but not bending toward him either.

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” He stood up, setting me on my feet and taking a step back. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid that you would react like this,” I said.

“Like a person who’s been kept in the dark about the most important thing in their life?” he demanded.

“You kept an important secret too,” I lashed out, feeling tears building.

“It’s not the same!” he yelled. “This involves me. You should have told me as soon as you knew.”

“I…” I knew he was right. I had been insensitive and cowardly.

“I need some time to think,” he muttered, turning to walk from the room.

I watched him go, feeling a stab wound open in my heart. I could hear the bedroom door close at the end of the hall and knew I would be sleeping on my own tonight. I fell down into the recliner, sobbing with grief. His reaction had been even worse than I had imagined. Mike hated me, and it was all my fault. Somewhere dimly, a maternal instinct warned me that overpowering emotions were bad for the baby, but I couldn’t help it. I had ruined our chances of a life together and had no one to blame but myself.

25

MIKE

Iwoke up to the idea that it might have all been a dream. The cookout had been great, and I really enjoyed hanging out with Tammy’s friends. Then after, when she told me she was pregnant, my whole world came to a halt. I remembered the exchange and knocked my head against the pillow in frustration.

I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to face the gigantic question that life had become. Just when I felt like everything had sorted itself out, Tammy had thrown a wrench into the machine. Did she even know it was mine? What if the baby belonged to that ex-boyfriend she was trying so hard to forget? What if she wasn’t really pregnant? Those over-the-counter tests could be wrong. Had she seen a doctor? Did she get a second opinion? I didn’t even let myself consider the Herculean task that lay ahead of us if it were true.

A baby of my own? Maybe a son to play catch with and teach how to fish, or a daughter to chaperone to high school dances, it wouldn’t be so bad. We could stay here in the cabin and transform Tammy’s room into a nursery. I had a good job, enough to support us if Tammy decided to stay home. Dillon and Jason had each ended up as fathers and were doing a good job; their kids were sweet and well-adjusted.

It was too much to think about right now. I needed to put one foot in front of the other and not concentrate on the future. I got up, showered and shaved, and left the house. I thought about knocking on Tammy’s door to check on her but couldn’t summon the courage. My reaction to her pregnancy news had been extreme. It never occurred to me to be happy when there were too many outstanding questions. We had to resolve the issue of paternity first and make sure the pregnancy test wasn’t lying. After that, when I was sure that I was going to be a father, I would let myself celebrate. Until then, a little space from Tammy would help.

I drove into work and clocked in. It seemed that there was always something on my mind these days. Tammy had me tied up in knots, no matter what I did. Either I was desperate to see her again, nervous about exposing my secrets or now obsessing about her unborn child. I had become practiced in the art of shifting my focus. I put on a mask and interacted with the customers as if nothing was wrong. I even made my manager smile by cleaning out the bargain bin in a single sale.

I was sweeping out the shop floor when my mom surprised me with a brown bag lunch. “I thought I would come find you,” she said.

“Thanks.” I took a look inside the bag. “I can go sit down in the kitchen to eat.”

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