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“Well, fuck me.” I heard Fernanda murmur into my earpiece, and I thought to myself…
At least I got that right.
The cruise ship continued to sail, and every day got easier for me. I stuck to a routine, and I never deviated. It was probably a sad existence, although it seemed to keep Fernanda happy. I’d never tossed more beanbags in my life. The guests saw more of me. I was fed by their energy, their enthusiasm, and their devoted love of me. They pushed me to keep giving even when I felt empty inside.
Urduja tried her best to keep me in better spirits, and I in turn tried for her to not be a mope. I ached for Claudia. I longed to hear her voice, to know how she was, to kiss her, taste her. But she never reached out to me, and I respected her wishes even though it was excruciating for me to accept the silence.
The countdown to leave Europe and take the Atlantic crossing kept me going. And as we set sail across the ocean, I watched the miles run down until I would be back home. I’d never longed so much for the States as I did right now.
It was my break anyway. Three months of off-ship time. Fernanda had confirmed with me that I intended to return, and I told her yes, even though I wasn't entirely sure that was true. I needed time, I needed space to think, and I couldn't do that here, but I’d know as soon as my body had stopped swaying whether or not I could do another cruise route.
One thing was for certain. It wouldn't be the miserable British Isles if I could help it. I needed some sun on my skin.
Urduja and I didn't do great goodbyes. We knew we’d find each other on the next ship. We would keep in touch. She was my sea soul sister, and emotional goodbyes just weren't our thing, but I must admit this time we hugged each other a little longer and a little tighter as we disembarked in New York.
“Message me!” she exclaimed as she dashed off down the ramp. She was heading to La Guardia for a flight back home and only had forty-five minutes to navigate the New York City traffic.
I was much slower to leave. I’d made a reservation in the city for a few days and then I was thinking about driving out west, taking some time to explore and see a little without much real purpose. Definitely no schedules or wake-up calls.
Collecting my luggage from the crew station, I was meandering over to the taxi rank when I heard a voice call my name.
“Raven! Raven!” I turned slowly. Fans didn't usually make their way down here.
My thoughts trailed off as I saw her.
Claudia.
She looked so fucking good in a white suit and big sunglasses, and her hair was freshly cut, streaked, and blow-dried.
She was walking across the other side of the barrier with a stride in her step, trying to keep up with me as I made my way along.
“Raven! Wait.” I stilled, my cases coming to a halt. I just stared at her as she caught up to me.
“Can you come here?” she asked as she pushed her glasses up and into her hair, letting me see her beautiful face and those eyes that made my icy heart melt.
But I hesitated. I couldn't do this. Not again. It had taken me weeks, months, for her not to consume my every thought, and here she was again about to take over.
She caught my pause. “Please, Raven. I just want to talk to you.”
I left my cases and moved to her. The pull was magnetic. The second I took the first step I was going nowhere else. I was drawn to her as I always had been. My heart leapt, laced with hope, though my head was screaming warnings, danger, red flags, abort.
I ignored them all as I closed the distance between us.
“Raven,” she started as I met her, keeping a little distance, the railing between us. “I love you, and I should never have let you go. I’ve been an idiot. I want to be with you. I want to make this work. I will even live on this bloody boat…ship…whatever, if you want. Just please give me a chance.”
I needed a second to let the words register. “Do you mean it?” I asked softy. Shyly.
She nodded. “I want to kiss you right now. Can I?”
“What kind of kiss?”
“A big one. One that shows how much I care for you. Not quite a superhero kiss. Maybe a sidekick kiss. Not because I don't want to give you a superhero kiss. This one just seems like it should be one designed to help you. To wipe away doubt as best I can. To let you know that things are okay, that we are going to be okay.”
“I want that kiss,” I replied softly.
“I can give it to you, Raven.” She took a step toward me, wiping hair from my face. Tucking it in. Softly caressing my cheek as her eyes found mine. Lips inches away from mine.
I tilted my head just an inch, melting into her touch. Trembling, I took a breath. My eyes were wide, searching for hers.
