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And goddamn, I fall even deeper in love with this man.
I know his gruff tone. I know his firm grip. I know when Beau puts his nose down like that, glaring up through his eyebrows, he’s ready to fight.
To fight for us.
“Leave it to a QB to ask,” Booker jokes, and it’s true. QBs can’t live without a plan or a play.
“Bronson’s right, though,” Brayton Jervis, the QB from Tennessee, adds. “I appreciate the support.” He holds the man’s knee beside him. He’s not a player. He must be his partner. Huh, I never knew. “Having this group means a lot. And adding to it helps.” He nods to me and Beau. “The world is changing, but not fast enough. Not for the NFL.”
Beau glances at me. I glance back.
That’s what Dr. Gary said.
“So what are we gonna do?” Brayton continues. “Stay closeted until we retire? Or worse, we get outed? Or do we just stay silent until we die?”
“Imagine,” Booker says, his tone grave, “how many already have. It has to be hundreds after a hundred years of the league. Probably some of the legends in the sport, but we’ll never know.”
Nick answers, “That’s why we’re here today.” Zar coughs. “Oh, and for our host’s top-notch Lowcountry boil and party later.” He hooks his arm around Zar’s waist. “We’re here to support each other, to relax and be ourselves, but also to propose a play, a plan. Just hear us out.”
A curious rumble ripples through the crowd.
“Who’s us?” Beau asks.
It raises Zar’s eyebrow. As Blair said, we know it’s not just Zar. He and Nick are connected to others in a bigger network.
“You’re a secret group.” Zar gestures to us gathered. “And there’s another. One that wants to help.”
“Who?” Booker asks, rightfully suspicious. “And why?”
“Some are family,” Zar answers. “Some are friends. Some are partners for a few.”
Blair elbows me like I’m supposed to know what the fuck is going on, but then I remember Ruby and Vale, and however they’re a part of this, too.
Vale, Blair’s sister, isn’t here, but Ruby is. She sits like a referee on the sidelines of our conversation.
“It’s a group that can help,” Nick says. “They’ll provide resources and protection should we do this.”
I’m jumping out of my skin. I can’t stand the suspense. “Do what?” I ask.
Nick looks at Zar, then Ruby, before he answers, “Before we come out together.”
You can hear a pin drop on the other side of the planet.
“Fuck,” Blair huffs. “That’s fucking brilliant.”
“That’s fucking crazy,” Booker says what most of us are thinking. “You expect me to be Black and out as gay in the NFL?”
“Or married to a man?” Brayton gets his back. “Jim and I already married. No one knows, and you expect us to come out about it?”
The room descends into grunts of protest and riled side-chatter until Beau calls it like a play on the field.
“Stand together or fall alone. We got a choice. And I’m fucking tired of being alone. Of being silent. Of hiding who I am and who I love. I’m bi and a better player because of it. I’m fucking winning because I’m finally in love. I’m finally living my life.”
“Me, too.” My throat is burning. Fuck, I love him, so I speak up, too. “Since we were sixteen, we’ve been in love and had to hide it. And now we have to hide the woman we love, too. It’s bullshit. We play. We perform. We make them billions. And then what? It’s a matter of time before one of us gets outed, and then it’ll be brutal. If the rest of us wait to come out then it looks like we were ashamed of our love when we’re not.”
“But if you come out now,” Blair adds, “you look proud and powerful.”
“Exactly,” Ruby chimes in. “You do it on your terms, under your control, and you do it together. No more silence.”
