AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He was still strong, even though his arm trembled. He definitely had the shakes.
“What?” I asked, sounding a bit snippier than I intended. What I really wanted to do was punch this guy in the face, but I knew that was an overreaction, just like cutting off his dick was. His dick wasn’t mine, and neither was the body it belonged to.
Sawyer’s iron grip would not let me go, and he moved me in front of the water. As the showerhead pelted my hair with warm water, Sawyer dropped the soap and…lost it.
He just lost it.
He sunk to his knees, buried his face against my neck, his nose grazing my collarbone above the hemline of the shirt, and his arms wrapped around me, holding me close, refusing to let me go. Sawyer, in that moment, lost the cockiness that made him Sawyer. No longer the rude playboy and just a rich boy who’d been trying to hold it together. Glue only worked for so long. Avoiding the truth only prolonged it.
This was Sawyer Salvatore falling apart.
He said nothing, nor did I. Though his body shook with tremors, I felt his shoulders begin to shake a bit more, with a firmer intensity. Maybe what I felt on my neck was the water from the shower, but a teeny, tiny part of me would’ve sworn that Sawyer was crying.
Sawyer. Crying. I just…what?
“I hate this,” Sawyer muttered against me. “I hate this so much.”
What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? What was I supposed to do? This was never taught in any class I’d taken, How to Comfort a Broken Rich Boy 101, and it was so far out of my wheelhouse that it took me a long while before I even began to return his embrace. I cradled his wet head against me, running a hand over his still-pink hair.
“I know,” I said, even though I didn’t know what he was feeling. It wasn’t hard to imagine—I felt the same when it came to Ray. I hated it, too. I hated everything about this past weekend.
He probably hated himself, his life, his past, whatever he thought his future was. I bet he hated literally everything right now, and even though it was stupid, I felt sorry for him. I shouldn’t; I knew I shouldn’t, and yet it was like I couldn’t control my heart when it came to this ridiculously sexy fuckup.
Minutes ticked by, and he didn’t let me go. I couldn’t help but wonder if Sawyer had ever let himself fall apart before. Yes, we all knew what his go-to’s were when it came to not feeling: sex, drugs, and booze—but I wasn’t talking about distractions. I was talking about facing the truth, facing reality, and letting his walls crumble. Letting himself weep for his sister.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” I told him, not even knowing if I believed it myself.
Sawyer’s arms around me tightened, and even though his shoulders no longer shook like he was crying, I still felt them tremble uncontrollably. “No,” he murmured against my throat. “It’s not.” He seemed a firm believer in that, which was downright depressing. Really, why would he try to be a better person when he believed everything was going to go to shit in the end? There was nothing worth being good for, no one worth proving himself to.
I smiled to myself, even though there was absolutely nothing to grin about. “I hope I’m there in the end to prove you wrong, then.” Silently, I added, I hope we’re all there. A testament to Ray and his murderous tendencies. I wanted us all to survive in the end; sue me.
Sawyer then leaned back, his arms finally loosening around me as his hands moved to my sides. Even though he was on his knees and his head was pretty much level with my breasts—which you could totally see through the wet, white fabric of my shirt—his emerald eyes remained leveled with mine.
Bloodshot as they were, they were still beautiful eyes. Emeralds sitting in a handsome face, eyes that anyone could get lost in. That face and those eyes played a huge part in how easy it was for Sawyer to reel the girls in. Even me. Because, deep down, the mess that was Sawyer Salvatore was exactly the kind of mess I liked.
When he said nothing, only stared at me and made me feel all different kinds of confused, I spoke softly, “I guess we’ll have to wait and see, won’t we?” I set my hands on his and pushed them off my hips. We locked eyes, and with one hand on the shower curtain, I couldn’t help but feel like I shouldn’t leave him.
Fucking stupid.
What was even stupider? Me, running my other hand down his face, my fingertips catching his stubble. Just a quick touch, a tender caress I hated to call a caress, down his right cheek and along his square jaw.
Oh, that face. That face got him into so much trouble.
I said nothing as my hand fell away from his face, and I turned to climb out. This time, he let me go. This time he merely watched me as I went, my clothes and hair dripping onto the tile below. I grabbed a towel before leaving the bathroom, doing my best to dry myself off. Declan would be back with my own clothes soon enough.
That was…not a situation that should be repeated. I should know better by now than to get lost in the mess that was Sawyer. Oh, well. He had his drugs, and I had mine.
Mine just happened to have dicks on them.
Chapter Fourteen – Declan
It was stupid of me to think I’d grab everything from the dorm and the store and return with no problems. Just plain stupid. With how crazy everything was, with how topsy-turvy my life had become, I should’ve known we wouldn’t go a single day without something happening. Granted, it wasn’t something huge, but it was enough.
Walking up to Sawyer’s front door, lugging a backpack full of clothes for Ash and a bag from the store with everything she said she’d need—including a pill I did not want to think too much about—I thought I’d grab the key from my pocket and go right on in.
But I was wrong. I supposed I still could’ve done so, but that would’ve meant ignoring the box resting just outside the front door.
With the sun shining hotly on my head, I walked up to it. My heart beat fast; I didn’t know why, but I half suspected it was a bomb or something.
