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I’d told Travis and Declan my truth, but not all of it. I didn’t tell them everything that happened while I was away with Ray, which really wasn’t fair to them. I had to tell them what happened between us, how I’d lost myself in my weakness, how I gave myself to the man I swore I never wanted to see again.
Never again, I told myself. I would never again let myself stoop so low.
I closed my eyes, utterly disgusted with myself. The room was dark, all the lights off. Travis and Declan were downstairs, doing God knew what—or at least that’s what I thought, until a scraggly face peered into the room.
Declan.
He inched inside, moving quietly until he sat on the side of the bed, less than a foot away from me. I didn’t get up, but I did meet his eyes. “Travis is making you some food. I know you’re probably not hungry after everything, but you need to try to eat.” He moved a hand to my back, rubbing over the white shirt I wore, his warmth flooding me. “You should also try to stay off your feet for a few days. I can run back to the dorm and pick you up anything you need. Clothes, your toothbrush—”
“Can you just…” I hated how weak I sounded, but in the darkness, with him, even with those doubts in my mind, I couldn’t help it. “Can you lay here with me? Just for a little bit.” I knew I didn’t have to justify myself to him, but I did it anyway. Just for a little bit, a tiny amount of time. Just five minutes, so I wasn’t in this room alone.
Declan didn’t hesitate. He said nothing as he leaned back, turning to face me as he laid beside me. His head rested on the pillow next to me, and I could feel his warm breath on my face.
All those times we’ve spent huddled together, embracing but not really giving in. At first I wondered if I simply reminded him of Sabrina, but now…now I knew things were different. I didn’t remind him of Sabrina. This was something else, something more. Travis and Declan were working to overcome their hatred for each other for me, and they were trying to put Sawyer on the right path…also for me.
These guys, I really didn’t deserve them.
I felt my eyelids close the moment Declan ran his fingertips along my cheek, brushing back my hair. My feet ached, but honestly, the pain was something I could ignore. Right now, what I couldn’t ignore, was the growing heat inside of me, the longing I felt…and the confusion nestled deep within me over Ray’s words.
Declan wore long sleeves, as he usually did after that night, so his scar was covered. I shouldn’t let Ray’s words get to me, but I didn’t know if he knew how important Declan was to me. Declan had been my rock this entire time. Without him, I had nothing.
Well, apparently I had Travis, but you know what I meant.
“I was so worried about you,” Declan whispered. The fingers touching my cheek moved to my neck, and I felt him gingerly run them over the scab. “Please, Ash, don’t ever hurt yourself, even to get back at Ray. We’ll figure something out.” His voice lowered, and even though my eyelids were closed, I felt him scoot closer to me. His body pressed against mine, and my breath caught in the back of my throat. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I need you.”
My eyes cracked open at that, and I struggled to tame the beast inside that wanted to tell him, without words, that I needed him, too.
“I need you,” Declan said again, his voice husky, making a shiver course down my spine. We were on our sides, pressed against each other, and since I wore only a single layer of clothes, no bra, no panties, I could feel every lean inch of him against me. “I need you even if…”
When he said no more, I whispered, “Even if what?”
“Even if I have to share you.”
The heat growing inside of me practically exploded when he said that, and I found myself pressing against him harder, inhaling sharply when he moved the hand away from my neck and down to my lower back, holding me firmly.
Running a hand along his stubbly face, I wanted desperately to ask him for his truth, but I knew it was hypocritical of me to demand it from him when I still had a secret I needed to tell. Tonight, tonight I just couldn’t. Tomorrow, maybe. Right now the only thing I wanted to do was forget. Forget my worries, forget this weekend and what I saw. Forget it all and drown myself in the boy I’d purposefully kept myself away from all this time.
“Are you and Travis best buddies now?” I asked, only speaking because it kept my lips off his. Once I kissed this one, once I crossed that line, just like with Travis earlier, there was no going back. We’d kissed before, and done some other things—he was very good with his tongue, I knew—but this was different. This wasn’t me spiraling and falling apart.
This was me giving in.
“Not exactly, but we kind of have to be on the same side to keep an eye on you,” Declan whispered, a dimpled smile growing on his face. I ran a thumb over a dimple, unable to stop myself. “You need a whole crew to watch you.”
I giggled at that, like I was some wild child, uncontrollable and unpredictable. Personally, I didn’t think I was, but lately…yeah, I could see where he was coming from. I’d done my best to push everyone away, and I ended up only drawing them closer, and together—go figure.
“I’ll settle down,” I told him, meaning it. I wasn’t sure if any of us would get a happy ending, not with Ray in the picture, but this…whatever it was, whatever my feelings for these guys were, it was worth fighting for.
And then, before I could say anything else, I leaned into him, pressing my lips on his. Soft, at first. Slowly. The hand on my back turned to stone, holding me as tightly as he could as his lips parted for me. I slipped a tongue into his mouth, and his chest let out a moan. Declan moved so that I lay on my back and he was on top of me, grinding his hips down against me, our tongues dancing together in a slow, delicious display of need.
The moment I felt his hardness grinding against me, I broke our kiss to let out a moan. I should stop this, stop us. I should tell him that I was with Ray, not to mention Travis, but the logical part of my brain had shut off. It was not my brain that dictated what happened right now; it was my body.
And my body was one hungry, feral beast.
“Don’t change for me,” Declan murmured against my neck, the opposite side of the nick. He pressed his lips against my collarbone, and I could’ve melted right then and there. “I want you, Ash, wild and all.”
Ridiculously sweet words, but that’s what Declan didn’t understand.
Whether you wanted it to or not, love changed you. Love made you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It made sane men into fools, and fools into gentlemen. Love made criminals out of law-abiding citizens and saints out of felons. Love changed everyone, some for the better, others for the worse.
