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How far down the rabbit hole would Sawyer go? Would he destroy himself completely? I didn’t know, and I was too fed up with my own shit to be able to deal with his, too.
Sawyer’s fingers teased my nipple, sending waves of pleasure crashing through me. I’d give anything to get lost in him, to lose myself in this moment, but…considering I ran from Declan—and all Declan did was comfort me during a panic attack—I’d feel too guilty. Not to mention the fact that he was high as a fucking kite, meaning he didn’t know what he was doing. Sawyer was a man-whore, but I wouldn’t take advantage of him like this.
He broke our kiss, helping me to turn to face him, about to drown me in the hot mess he was, and let’s face it, Sawyer was the hottest mess of all, but I used the motion to pull back from him, losing his body heat against me. My lips, my breast, every part of me could feel his loss, and as I stood there beside the bed, gazing down at him, I couldn’t help but feel my heart crack inside.
“Sleep, Sawyer,” I told him, oddly responsible for someone whose world was currently falling apart.
“But…” Sawyer’s reply faded on his tongue as I set a hand on his chest, his muscles rippling beneath my palm and pushed him down, flat. His head rested on his pillow, and he stared up at me through half-lidded slits.
“Sleep it off, and see if you still want to kiss me in the morning,” I advised, knowing he had to be upset about the pink hair. Not too upset with it that he went out and dyed over it or researched how to un-stain his hair follicles, but still.
Sawyer’s eyes closed, and I heaved a gentle, quiet sigh as I exited his bedroom. Being the bigger, better person sucked ass. Whatever self-righteous fuckup said doing the right thing felt good constantly fed a load of horse shit to everyone. Doing the right thing sucked—it was why I didn’t often do it, why I never went to the cops about Ray.
Hell. I’d do the right thing when it came to Sawyer, but when it came to Ray…that was a different story. I was still selfish when it came to Ray. I didn’t want everyone to know just how messed-up my past truly was.
I headed down the stairs, grabbing my skateboard as I made it to the front door, unlocking it before walking out. I’d go back to the dorm, apologize to Declan, and…
I froze the moment I emerged onto the sidewalk in front of the row of mansions. Two men stood fifteen feet away, not looking happy—at least, not until they saw me. Two guys who shouldn’t ever be together, not after what happened with Sabrina.
Travis and Declan.
Fuck.
Chapter Thirteen – Declan
“Nothing happened between me and Sawyer,” Ash spoke, not for the first time. It was all she’d said when we spotted her leaving his house, and it was all she could say as we walked back to the dorm. Our dorm, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her go to Travis’s, not when I didn’t trust him.
Turned out, it was hard to trust someone who slept with your dead ex-girlfriend behind your back for months.
Ash was sitting on her bed, her skateboard laying on the carpet before her. Her legs were folded beneath her ass, and her hands rested on her knees. She looked, in spite of it all, innocent—which I knew she wasn’t.
I sat on my bed, my feet planted firmly on the floor as I stared at her. Travis sat on my desk chair, backwards, of course, with his legs wide open around the back of the chair. Like the cool kid or something. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but I couldn’t—mostly because I was too wrapped up in staring at her.
At Ash, and the way she watched us both.
My heart couldn’t take another ping pong battle. I didn’t want to compete with Travis or Sawyer or Will, but I wasn’t about to stand back and step out of the race. I wasn’t going to give up on her. I meant it when I said I was going to fight for her.
“I don’t care what happened between you and Sawyer,” I said, earning me a suspicious stare from both Ash and Travis. And, okay, it might’ve been a lie, but it was one that was meant to make Ash feel better. She’d gone straight from my arms into his. Why the hell wouldn’t I be upset over that? “I don’t,” I said again, when it was clear neither of them believed me.
Ugh. Wasn’t it too early for this crap? I had classes today, not to mention a brother in the hospital and a roommate who’d just been hit by a car—which might’ve been on purpose. My life was crazy. And that wasn’t mentioning what happened to me… They could forgive me if I wasn’t at one hundred percent here.
“I’m just glad you’re here and you’re safe,” I said, meaning it. Really, if Ash wanted to be with Sawyer, fine. If she wanted to be with Travis…I suppose I would relent to that, as long as she was happy and safe. I still wasn’t sure if I believed Travis’s story about taking Sabrina’s journal simply as something to remember her by, but right now wasn’t the time to worry about that.
Right now was about Ash, as most often was these days.
“I’m sorry,” Ash whispered, tilting her head down. Her yellow and pink hair fell in her face, and she tucked the stray tendrils behind her ears. “I shouldn’t have run out like that.”
“No,” Travis said, sounding stern, almost like a parent speaking to his child, “you shouldn’t have. You worried us both sick, Ash.” His blue eyes were narrowed; it was the most emotion I’d ever seen him display so freely.
She took on a flippant tone with him, hardly sounding like herself, “I said I was sorry. What more do you want?”
“We want you to start making smarter decisions,” I spoke up, causing her grey eyes to turn to me. She was frowning, and the expression did nothing to lessen her beauty. Ash was beautiful no matter what expression she wore, the kind of beauty that could ruin you if you weren’t careful.
Me? She could ruin me any day, any time. In fact, I think she already did.
“You don’t get to decide what I do,” she told us. “I’m my own person, and I have the right to—”
“To what?” Travis cut in, glaring. “To run off in the middle of the night not even a week after you were hit by a car? Ash, if someone has it out for you, they’ll be watching you. They could’ve gotten to you tonight, and neither Declan nor I would be any the wiser. We’d still be out there, looking for you.”
