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Tears lined my eyes as he moved behind the row of guys, stopping when he stood behind Declan. “No,” I cried, the first tear finding its way free, cascading down my cheek for the worst reason possible.
I was going to watch every single one of them die.
Ray said nothing else as he yanked the chair back, causing Declan to fall, just as Will had. Unlike Will though, Declan had no other injury. He was able to focus on the strangulation happening. It wasn’t far enough of a drop to snap his neck. New, fresh tears formed when I watched Declan, my sweet, loveable roommate, die right next to his brother.
“Please,” I begged, falling to my knees. “Stop.”
Still standing behind them, his bloodied hand gripping the chair Travis stood on, Ray sent me a cold, chilling smile. With his other hand, the one holding onto the knife, he took hold of Sawyer’s chair, too. He waited until Declan’s body stopped writhing before he tore them out from under the two remaining guys.
I closed my eyes, unable to watch Travis and Sawyer die. Sawyer was a drunk mess, but he didn’t deserve this end, and Travis? Travis was…
A rough, strong hand grabbed my chin, squeezing hard, jerking my face up as tears fell from my eyes. “Look, Ash,” Ray’s voice entered my ears. His lips grazed my cheeks as he added, “Look at what you did to them.”
“No,” I muttered, but my eyes peeked open anyway.
Will, Declan, Travis, and Sawyer swung in a nonexistent breeze, their bodies still, their heads all hung low. They were nothing but corpses before me, and it was then I knew: Ray was right. This was my fault. They had all died because of me.
My vision of the swinging bodies was blocked out by Ray, who moved to kneel before me. The hand holding onto my jaw loosened but did not release me. Instead, it moved down to my neck. “Amorcito,” Ray whispered, “you were supposed to choose me.”
I met his eyes, eyes that I never wanted to see again, not after that day in the cabin. “I’m sorry,” I cried, breaking inside. This man could bring me to my knees and still make me feel like I had more to lose.
Ray cocked his head, staring at me for a few moments before placing his lips on my forehead. The touch of his mouth was warm, and I lost myself in it even though I knew I shouldn’t. This man was my greatest regret and my greatest weakness all rolled into one, the grim reaper, brought to life.
“I’ll see you again soon,” he whispered against my forehead.
A sharp, stinging pain erupted in my gut, and searing hot agony coursed through my body. As Ray withdrew himself from me, moving to stand before me, I looked down, finding his knife protruding from my gut. I fell over, my vision blacking out.
So this was it, huh? This was my end. Fitting. I’d die surrounded by the ones I should’ve saved by knowing better than to get close to them.
I woke up as I rolled out of my dream, instantly awake—probably because I was falling off the bed. I slammed onto the ground, my bruised body yelling at me, why’d you have to go and do that? Don’t you know I’m still recovering? Being hit by a fucking car ain’t exactly easy, you know.
My breath caught in the back of my throat as I felt a remnant pain in my stomach from the dream. I touched my gut, not feeling any knife or wound, no blood at all.
Declan’s sleepy voice came from his bed, “Ash? Ash, are you okay?” He was in the process of turning to see me, and once he saw me on the floor, he practically fell out of bed, though he was much smoother about it.
My nerves were on fire, my lungs desperately gasping for air that would not come. I heaved for air over and over, panic setting in. This was real, even though the dream wasn’t. Ray was here, somewhere, waiting for the perfect moment to strike again. What the fuck was I supposed to do?
How could I not fall apart?
Declan’s hand was warm on my lower back, and before I had the presence of mind to push him away, he was pulling me into his lap, holding me against his chest—bare, because he didn’t wear a shirt to bed. “Breathe,” he said, as if breathing was the easiest thing in the world. “Whatever it was, it was just a nightmare.”
Just a nightmare. It wouldn’t remain a nightmare, not if I didn’t cut myself off from my drugs of choice—my rich, beautiful, broken boys who were more like manly bullies than anything.The nightmare would become reality, and if it did, I would become nothing but an empty, hollow shell.
Declan’s chest was warm, comforting in ways I knew I shouldn’t like. But I did, and that was the whole problem, wasn’t it? My feelings were never my own. Ray wanted everything for himself. Me, my heart and my soul, and all the emotions that encompassed. Liking Declan, or any of the others, could only end in disaster. I was a fool for not realizing it sooner.
I closed my eyes, breathing in slowly through my nose, focusing on filling up my lungs. I held the breath in, even though it felt like I was asphyxiating from a lack of air, and after a few moments exhaled through my mouth. Relaxing when I felt like flipping the fuck out was one the hardest things I had to do.
It took me a long while, but eventually my breathing was under control. The panic attack faded away, leaving me nestled in Declan’s lap like I was some lap cat. One of my hands rested on his chest, my palm flat against his pectoral muscles. He wasn’t overly defined like Sawyer was, but there was not an ounce of fat anywhere on him. He was perfect crush material; any girl would’ve fallen for him, not just me.
“Declan,” I whispered his name, doing my best to disentangle myself from him. “I…” Through the darkness, we met eyes, and my gut twisted. Not in the knife-impaling way, but in the oh God, I really want to fuck him kind of way.
His fingertips brushed my cheek, and I let out the breathiest of sighs ever to escape me. My hand on his chest curled into a fist, and I knew I’d hate myself later for this, but I just couldn’t.
I couldn’t do it.
“I have to go,” I said, pulling myself off him. I didn’t even grab shoes, but I did grab my skateboard. A bad idea to skate while my body still ached like a bitch, but at this point, I didn’t care about my well-being. I just wanted everyone else to be safe.
And they could be—they could be safe and happy…without me.
