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This one…I had to pay special attention to him, otherwise he might try taking me like that again.
“I got this,” I said. “If it makes you feel better, you can wait out here, but I don’t need you in there, okay? I can handle Sawyer.” And, at the time, I honestly believed I could.
Stupid. I was about to realize I didn’t have anything under control.
Chapter Twenty-Three – Will
Ash’s face when I’d told her and Declan that I was transferring to Hillcrest next semester was not what I’d thought it’d be. I thought she’d be excited, happy, but instead she’d been conflicted. I didn’t like seeing her so conflicted, but there was nothing I could do about it now. She’d just have to get used to the idea of having both Declan and me around. We were brothers; we were close. I cared for him more than I cared for myself.
And as for her? As for Ash herself? God, I wished I could say I didn’t care for her, because I knew Declan did. It wasn’t my territory; I was stepping where I didn’t belong, and yet I couldn’t help myself. There was something about her that just drew me in. Something that called out to my heart, tugging it along for the ride. She was wild, carefree, and smart.
And, of course, she was beautiful. So beautiful. The way her eyes crinkled when she laughed, how her grey eyes always seemed to watch you, the way she leaned in closer to you when she was telling you something important. Everything about her I adored, so much more than I should.
She was Declan’s, not mine. She should never be mine, and yet to deny the feelings rising inside of me would be impossible, because I wanted her to be mine. I wanted Ash, and though I wouldn’t outright fight my brother for her, I wouldn’t step aside, either.
She was on my mind so much that when I made it back to my apartment, which I was fortunate enough to be able to afford alone, I couldn’t get her off my mind. So I did the only thing I could: I went into the bathroom and spent a while in the shower.
Damn it. Declan would kill me if he knew what I was thinking about Ash, or at least I thought he would. Declan was hard to nail down; he was a pretty easy-going guy. I knew he and his last girlfriend had problems, but they always worked them out…or Declan gave into whatever Sabrina wanted. Ash? She wouldn’t be like that. Ash would never ask Declan for anything; she wasn’t that type of girl. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to like her.
Unlike everyone we’d grown up with, unlike everyone our dad wanted us to associate with, Ash was real. She was relatable. She was nice and genuine and everything the rich usually weren’t, and that included Sabrina.
Sabrina was the youngest of the Salvatores; I didn’t know her very well, but even I knew that she was bipolar in the worst way. The Salvatores had her on medication from when she was very young, but Declan had told me once that Sawyer said she didn’t always take her meds, which negated the whole point of them. Declan once said with Sabrina it was like flipping a coin; you never knew what side you’d get, and half the time you regretted even flipping the coin in the first place.
Who would want a girlfriend like that? Who would want a relationship like that? I never did, which was why I did my best to stay out of their relationship altogether. Anytime Declan wanted to talk about her, I listened, but my only advice to him was: get out while you can.
The Salvatores were not a healthy family. James Salvatore was not a good man, not like our dad. He was only in it for the money, and I was pretty sure he was only married because she was his trophy. Men like that always had trophies, because they had the money to pay for them.
It’d been a long while since I’d entertained a relationship for myself. I mean, I dated, but it never turned into anything serious. Lately I’d been so focused on going to class and studying hard, not to mention constantly talking to Declan to make sure he was okay, that it hadn’t crossed my mind.
But that night, when Ash opened the door? When we went to pick up breakfast and she told me offhandedly about her love for chicken nuggets? Something inside of me clicked, as if it was easy to think: I want her. I need her. Entirely selfish in every way, and yet I couldn’t stop the feelings from taking over me.
And that kiss…I’d never been more eager to kiss anyone than that night. With my hands tangled in her hair, her lips molding against mine, just as desperate and hungry as I was, how could I have not given in? Who the hell would kiss her and not instantly crave more? In those few seconds, before I’d realized I was moving in between her and Declan, I would’ve gladly taken every inch of her.
Of course, that was before I realized that I just couldn’t let these feelings go. I couldn’t sit back and watch her and Declan together. They’d had weeks together, practically half a semester so far, and it was clear neither of them were going to be the first to cross that line. I didn’t want to wait on the sidelines while they fumbled around, neither one of them having the balls to admit it to the other.
Ash cared for Declan, that much was obvious. Maybe Declan didn’t see it, but in that week while I lived with them, I noticed it. I saw how she looked at him, how she watched him when he wasn’t paying attention. How when she laughed, she always laughed a bit harder when it was Declan who said something amusing. Her body was always angled toward his, and she always sighed a bit more when he was near.
It was selfish. I was selfish, but I couldn’t help it. It was impossible for me to deny the feelings in me. Spending so long apart from them while they both healed up after that terrible Saturday night, I couldn’t help but develop feelings for the girl who was keeping my brother sane.
She really wasn’t like any other girl I’d ever met.
I stood in the shower for a while, letting the hot water pelt me as I lost myself in my thoughts. I’d long since taken care of the hard problem I had, which left me feeling alone. Too alone. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like being so far from Declan or so far from Ash.
God. It really was messed up that I cared for her so much, wasn’t it? I should step aside and let Declan have her, I knew, but I simply couldn’t. There was not one part of me that wanted Ash out of my life. If anything, I wanted to see her more. I wanted to be around her more. I wanted so much more when it came to her and what we could be together.
We would be great.
I heaved a loud sigh and turned off the water, stepping out. I grabbed my towel and dried myself off, pensive and lost in my own thoughts. Nothing new when it came to Ash. I headed into my room as I ran the towel over my wet hair, stopping in front of my dresser as I pulled out some fresh, clean clothes to throw on before bed. Once I was dressed, I meandered into the hall, tossed the towel into the bathroom, and shuffled my feet to the living room, turning on the TV.
As I mindlessly flipped channels, I found myself closing my eyes. I must’ve dozed off, because the next time I opened my eyes, the room was dark, the TV having turned itself off after a few hours of no movement. Smart TVs were apparently smarter than people.
I let out a groan as I sat up, running a hand through my hair—which was bone dry now, although I could tell it had dried a bit weird, since I was basically asleep on the couch for the last few hours. I heaved myself up and went into my bedroom to go to bed.
A chill swept over me, and I paused under the doorframe, shivering as I noted the window across from me was wide open. Huh. I could’ve sworn that was closed a few hours ago… I thought nothing more of it as I went to close it.
My fingers gripped the top of the window, and I harshly pulled it down, flicking the locks on top. I was about to turn around, seconds from crawling into bed, when something warm grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me around. I was too shocked to do anything but blink, even when I saw the glimmer of silver metal in the moonlight.
All it took was two seconds. Two seconds for the hooded figure to plunge that metal in my gut with no hesitation whatsoever. One more second for him to yank it out and step away from me, sending me tumbling to the floor.
