AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He didn’t hesitate when he said, “You don’t have to say anything. I’ll watch out for the both of you.” Will’s solid, muscular chest heaved with a short chuckle. “Although, if you wanted to give me your number, I wouldn’t say no.” He was slow to release me, though his hands still held onto my shoulders, as if he was letting me go, but not fully.
I blinked at him. Was he really asking for my number, after all this? Seemed like such a silly thing, a tiny thing, a thing that normally wouldn’t really matter, considering everything we’d been through together, but for some reason, the history we shared, the importance of Declan in both of our lives, only made it mean more.
“Okay,” I said, and then, as his hands finally released me, I told him my number, watching as he input it into his phone. Was it crossing a line? I didn’t know, and frankly I didn’t much care. I liked Will. What harm was it to give him my phone number?
Will got into his car after tossing me a smile and waving to Declan, and both Declan and I watched him drive off, leaving us alone once more. The sky was turning different shades of dark blue, night almost upon us. We stood there a bit on the sidewalk, neither one of us saying anything. Declan had watched the exchange between us, and I could only imagine what he was thinking.
However it wasn’t until we returned to the room when Declan voiced a question that made me freeze as I bent into the fridge to get out some water.
“Do you have feelings for my brother?”
My hand was halfway outstretched to a water bottle, but I knew I shouldn’t get it. I straightened my back and turned to face him. Declan stood near his desk, leaning on the back of his desk chair, his hands tight around the top back support. His question had been pointed and serious, spoken with an air of knowing disappointment, as if he already knew what the answer was.
As I stared into his dark brown gaze, I couldn’t help but wonder what was the right answer here. Would lying hurt him more, or would telling the truth? Either way, I didn’t want to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt Declan, even if sometimes he could seem like two different people. The sad Declan, the depressed Declan…and the angry, take no shit Declan.
No.
I’d already lied to him too much. No more lying. It was time to tell the truth.
“I do,” I whispered, the two words probably the two final nails in the so-called coffin. Whatever Declan and I could’ve had, there was no way we could have it now. Ah, well. The brother sandwich was nice to think about while it lasted.
Declan let out a loud breath, and he closed his eyes for a moment. “I think he likes you, too.”
I moved closer to him; I couldn’t help it. I hated the distance between us, and I’d do anything to close it. Hearing that he thought Will liked me back was…not enough to make me overlook the hurt in his expression. “Declan, I—”
“It’s okay,” Declan said, turning away from me. He moved around his chair, plopping himself down. “Everyone usually likes him better. He’s more relatable, funnier.” He started listing Will’s qualities as if he was his own brother’s online dating profile.
As he went to open his laptop, I was at his side, slamming a hand over it and closing it. I stood less than a foot away from him, a bit taller than him since he was sitting down, but the height difference would do us some good in this conversation. He had to listen to what I was about to say, and he had to listen well.
“I don’t just have feelings for Will,” I told him, my heart practically choking the words before they came out of my throat. I didn’t want to have a serious heart to heart tonight, not with what I planned on doing to Sawyer, but maybe just getting it all out there would be good for the both of us. Maybe after tonight we could move past it. “I have feelings for you too, even if you are impossible sometimes.”
Declan’s brows furrowed, and he said, “I don’t—”
“I’m allowed to care for you both. I’m allowed to like you both. I’m allowed to want to kiss you both. Doesn’t mean I’m going to, but damn it, Declan, I can’t help what I feel, and I don’t need you judging or getting depressed. What we have is a good thing, and you’re right—if anything happened between us, things would only get more—”
Declan must’ve had enough of my rambling, for he didn’t listen to it a second longer…mostly because he’d taken both hands to my neck and brought my face down to his, our lips crashing together like magnets, drawn upon each other like two opposite forces needing to finally collide. His lips were hard, at first, but after the initial kiss, his passion turned slow and heated, and it was right when my body started to respond that he pulled himself off me.
“I thought…” My voice came out shaky, my breathing ragged. Even though his lips weren’t on mine, I could still feel them, as if their sensation lingered, a ghostly, pleasing feeling I could remember perfectly.
“I know,” he whispered. “But I changed my mind. I’m not going to lose you—not to Will, not to Sawyer, not to Travis. I’m going to fight for you, Ash. I’m not going to sit back and watch you drift away from me. I need you in my life.” A heartfelt plea, one that tugged on my heartstrings, as tough as I thought they were.
Turned out, my heartstrings were not that tough. Declan was able to pluck them effortlessly, play me like a fiddle even though I was no instrument. He was my maestro, and he would be my undoing.
“No matter what happens,” I said, still tasting his mouth on mine, my lips tingly, “you won’t lose me. No matter what, I promise I won’t walk away from you.” It was a promise I probably shouldn’t have made, yet there I was, proclaiming it loudly and boldly, as if this was our love story.
I was a fool. This wasn’t a love story. This was the story of my downfall, and it all started when I came to Hillcrest and met these beautiful, broken boys.
Chapter Twenty-Two – Ash
As the hours ticked by, I lay awake in bed, staring at the dark ceiling. Declan was asleep; I could tell by the sound of his steady, even breathing. After the kiss, after what he’d said and what I’d said in return, it was both strange yet welcoming that neither of us had addressed it again while we did our nightly routine. Declan spent a bit longer than he should’ve in the bathroom, but I figured I’d give it to him. If we were both guys, I’m sure that bathroom would be seeing a lot more jacking off. Plus, I wasn’t an angel. I’d done my fair share of self-love in that shower too, thanks to these guys constantly getting me worked up and yet not helping me finish the race.
Like Mario Kart though, I was good.
I was purposefully staying awake, knowing what I had to do tonight, and yet I was so conflicted. Me confessing to Declan about my feelings for his brother had not gone how I’d thought it would. I thought he’d get upset, get mad…not kiss me. After all those almost-but-not-quite encounters we’d had, I didn’t think all it would take for Declan to overcome the trepidation was me telling him I cared for Will.
The problem was I cared for them all. All of them. Every last one of them, even if it was to my detriment. Will and Declan, Travis and Sawyer; it was like they were my broken boys, like it was up to me to fix them…after I got back at them. After I made them realize I wasn’t a pawn they could command or use. I was not on the board at all; I was the chess player, and these guys were the pawns.
At least, that’s what I would tell myself until it was over…
