AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“And I don’t get a say about who I’m with?” I asked him. Hell, at this point, I wanted to fuck them all but ultimately be with none of them. That would teach them to jerk me around so much…it’d also make my feelings for them all the more real, unfortunately.
Because I did, I totally had feelings for them. For Declan, for Will…for Travis and fucking Sawyer. If I could, I wouldn’t. If I could choose who I liked, I wouldn’t like any of them. None of them were good for me or my sanity, clearly, not even Will. He was too self-sacrificing for his own good.
Will didn’t answer me, mostly because he couldn’t, and because he was too far lost in self-blame, as if he was the only one who wanted to exchange a bit of passion a few moments ago. If he wanted to go on like it didn’t happen, fine. If he wanted to confess it all to Declan, fine. He could do whatever the hell he wanted, and I wouldn’t care.
At least, that’s what I told myself.
We walked back to the dorm building in silence, keeping at least two feet from each other. I didn’t even want to breathe in the same air he was, for crying out loud. I was upset, and for good reason, I think. Will texted Declan that we were on our way back, and I wondered if he then told him what happened, or if he’d save that news for an in-person kind of thing.
Ugh. This night had just gone from great to awful.
I was the first to make it to the door, the first inside. Declan was at his desk, but the moment we came back, he got up. His dark eyes were on me as he said, “That was fast.” His hair was wet from a recent shower, and he wore his usual ensemble of nighttime clothes: a plain shirt and his athletic shorts. A devastating kind of cute.
Will came in behind me, closing and locking the door. “Yep,” he said, meeting his brother’s stare. “It didn’t take long. Took longer to walk there.”
Declan smiled, although I could tell it was strained. “What did you have to do?”
I glanced at Will, not wanting him to blab about Sawyer. “I did what I had to do.” If he was going to tell Declan about the kiss, then I reserved the right to keep that part of the night to myself.
But I needn’t have worried so much, because Declan figured it out on his own. “Sawyer. It had to do with Sawyer, didn’t it?”
I gave him a smile as I sat on my bed, working to undo the laces on my shoes. “Don’t worry about it, Declan.”
Will moved further into the room, muttering, “Let’s just say I don’t think Sawyer will be coming after you anymore, at least for a while. I think his attention will be elsewhere.” With that, Will pointedly looked at me.
I could tell just by his expression that he wrestled with himself, whether or not to come clean to Declan. It was beyond ridiculous. Declan and I weren’t dating, so there was nothing to come clean about. We didn’t have to tell Declan anything. Telling him about the kiss—or, more accurately, the quick make-out session—would only hurt him. I doubted he’d trust me after knowing that.
Declan must’ve sensed that something was wrong, for he asked, “What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”
Will stared at me, his hazel eyes heavy. I didn’t know what to say, so I kept quiet. This…this was on Will now. If he wanted to confess, he’d have no help from me. Will turned to look at Declan before saying, “There was another girl with pink hair.”
It wasn’t what Declan was expecting, and it wasn’t what I anticipated, either. “What?” Declan asked, and I bit the inside of my cheek, wondering if this meant Will wasn’t going to tell Declan. At least not right now.
“At the party,” I said, “there was a girl with pink hair. I think Sawyer’s using her because he can’t use me.” The truth, but not the whole truth. This much, at least, I was comfortable telling Declan. I wouldn’t go so far as to show him the video on my phone, but still. He knew enough.
“That’s messed up,” Declan muttered.
“I know,” Will said, going into the bathroom. He shot me a look as he went, and once Declan and I were alone, I let out a sigh. He was leaving this weekend. As much as I appreciated him being around, being Declan’s bodyguard (and mine, I guess), it would be nice to get things back to normal. No more third wheel. No more extra tension in the dorm room.
There was already plenty of that.
I was busy texting Kelsey about what happened, what I did—I’d have to wait until the guys were asleep to tell her about my impromptu make-out session with Will—while Declan fiddled with his hands on his lap. It was a few moments before he said, “I’m glad you weren’t at the party for long.”
I paused in my texting, meeting his dark stare. “Why?”
“Because I like it when you’re here with me,” he whispered, and even though he was across the room from me, I got chills. Spoken so seriously, he had me at a loss. I had no idea how to respond to that.
I wished there was another girl stuck in a situation like mine. I mean, really, I’d love to ask for some tips, pointers about how to handle all of this. My multiple crushes, the whole mystery surrounding Sabrina and my suspicion about Travis—although, the more I thought about it, the more I replayed what Travis had said, I was starting to wonder just whether or not he’d actually done it.
Sabrina’s diary still rested in my backpack, safely nestled away from the world. I brought it with me to class, never having it leave my side for too long. I’d planned on talking to Will about it, but things had grown much more complicated than I expected.
No. I’d have to make my own choice when it came to the diary, and whether or not to show it to Declan, just like I’d have to make my own choice about all of these guys. They were all broken in their own way, all of them monsters, depending on how you looked at them. Will, Declan, Travis and Sawyer; there was a darkness in each of them, a part of them that called out to me.
Will tried to be good, but there was a part of him that wanted to be let loose. Declan was shattered but still able to get pissed. Travis and Sawyer? I needn’t go on about the things they were capable of.
They weren’t my boyfriends, but still…I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would be like if they were.
Chapter Sixteen – Ash
