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“It used to be a summer thing, but they do this for her,” I finally said, back in my own mind, in the present. Ash was still staring at the ladybug, having not seen my momentary lapse. “With enough donations, any institution will bend backward to make you happy.”
“It’s nice,” Ash said. “Pretty. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to the zoo. My mom and I never came to this one. It was too far, too expensive. There was one closer, in the city. It’s nowhere near as clean as this one.” She let out a sigh, taking her time to add, “I understand why your sister liked it here so much.”
I knocked elbows with her. “You mean you actually had some disposable income to do stuff with? I’m impressed.” I knew insulting her upbringing wasn’t the quickest way to her heart, but I was still reeling from what happened earlier, if I was honest. I couldn’t get the feeling of her hand around me off my mind.
She shot me a glare. This one wasn’t as harsh as her others; this one was more playful. This particular glare…made my stomach clench, for some weird reason. “Oh, stop it. We didn’t have much, but my mom tried to make sure I had a good childhood.”
Not having much. It wasn’t something I’d ever understand, not where money was concerned. Not having much when it came to matters other than money—that I knew all too well now. I had nothing. No sister, no real friends. Even though I was surrounded by people most of the time, even though I had girls lining up to hop in my bed, I was alone.
I was so fucking alone it hurt.
Chapter Twenty-One – Ash
During the hour-long drive back to campus, I kept thinking about what I did to Sawyer while we were eating. That was stupid of me, I knew, but I caught him unprepared. Plus, he had to be exaggerating his skill in the bedroom if he came that fast, right?
I knew how long he was, how thick he was. I didn’t exactly get a peek of it, but I could imagine it well enough.
Bad Ash. That was a terrible idea. Now I had dick on the brain.
Sawyer was…infuriating. So overly confident and cocky. I almost believed his pity story at first; I was so glad I realized what he was doing. Using his dead sister to make me feel for him, I couldn’t believe it. How low. What kind of person would do that? That said, as much as he annoyed me, as much as I told him I wasn’t interested, I was. My body craved his, but it was a craving it would go without.
Hmm. Maybe I just needed to get laid by a third party, no one who had any say in what happened between Sawyer and Declan. Just a random guy who’d come in, do his job, and leave, no strings attached. The problem with that was I wasn’t too good at finding guys to hook up with. It was a skill Kelsey had, but not me.
I happened to glance over at him, catching him looking at me as we sat at a red light. “I really hope my skateboard is in the nonexistent trunk of your car,” I spoke dryly, leaning my head on my fist near the window. The night air was cool, and when he started driving, it blasted my face. Kind of like a cold shower, but different.
And not nearly as effective.
“Admit it,” Sawyer spoke with a half smile, “you had some fun, at least.” That damned half smile was starting to get to me. I had to be careful. If I spent more time around him, I might start to like that half smile way more than I should.
I shouldn’t like it at all, considering.
“Sometimes you’re not bad,” I said. “Most of the time though, I want to strangle you.” I froze after I said it, wanting to take the final words back. Today was just…not a good day for me. Sawyer was busy living in the past, trying to get revenge for what happened, and I was avoiding my past like the plague.
“Travis is into that kind of shit, I think,” Sawyer remarked. With his left hand on the steering wheel, he reached his right out toward me, setting it on my leg, closer to my knee than another part of me, but still. The jerk shouldn’t touch me at all. “I’m not. I like my fucking wild, but not that kinky.”
I had a thought just then, a thought about all three of the guys that I was crushing on. Separate thoughts, actually. Travis liked the kinky stuff, involving strangling and other things like handcuffs. Sawyer liked it hard, fast and wild, just like earlier when we were eating. And Declan…Declan I bet was a gentle lover most of the time, but I also knew he had a wild side to him, too. Three different guys, three totally different ways to fuck.
Also three things I shouldn’t be thinking about while Sawyer’s hand was on my leg.
I nudged Sawyer’s hand off me. “I bet you nut after three seconds of being inside a girl.”
Sawyer chuckled. “You want to make that a bet, Ash? I was going to drive you back to your dorm, but we can always extend the date. I can take you back to my place, lay you down on the bed, and show you just how long I can last.”
The thought of fucking Sawyer was…damn it, a nice one, but I wasn’t going to admit it aloud. “No,” I said, turning my head to gaze out the window instead of at the handsome man beside me. “My dorm is fine, thanks.” If I agreed to go back to his place, I knew it would all be over.
As it was, I kind of felt like it was only a matter of time until I gave in to him. He must’ve felt it, too. Why else would he be here? A guy like him wanted to use me up until I was dry—or soaking wet and full of his cum, in this case—and then toss me aside, meaningless.
I was many things, but I wasn’t meaningless.
We pulled up to the dorm’s turnaround, and he shifted gears into park, allowing him to take his foot off the break and lean closer to me. Before I could get out or demand my skateboard, he grabbed my face—much in the same way he’d held onto me at the zoo—and hungrily pressed his lips to mine.
I was a deer in headlights. I was a rat in a trap. I was…I was not an animal, so I should stop with the analogies right now.
Heat burst inside of me, warming me from head to toe. My core ached with a need only a certain male appendage could fill, and my mouth took everything he gave me. His kisses were rough, savage, wild, just like how he said he liked his sex. I felt out of breath, but I didn’t want to break away to do something as stupid as breathe. I wanted him. God, I wanted him so badly. This kiss; I never wanted it to end.
But it had to.
It took all of my strength to push him back by the collarbone, gaze into his hazy, lust-filled eyes and say, “That’s all you get tonight, rich boy.” That’s all I get, too. No more Sawyer kisses, no more Sawyer dick. No more Sawyer anything.
