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Eventually I found a channel with a rerun of a sitcom about a group of nerdy guys sharing an apartment. I liked this one. I could watch it over and over again without getting tired of it.
We ate in silence for a while. I knew Declan was content in the silence, but I wasn’t. I wanted to talk, I wanted to get to know him better. If we were friends, wouldn’t that make this year go by faster? We were living together, for goodness sakes. Going on like this all year would only make it miserable for the both of us.
“So how are your classes?” I asked.
He didn’t answer me right away, and at first I thought he was going to get up and walk away, tell me off or something, but all he did was wait a minute before saying, “Fine.”
Fine. Huh. So interesting. You could carry a whole conversation on that.
I said, “Mine are good too, thanks for asking. The professors call on me more I think because I don’t blend in with all the other dicks.” Ugh. Dicks? Why the hell didn’t I just call them guys? I had to go and say the word dick…
Declan was finished with his first piece of pizza; he’d eaten the crust and all. Ew. Crust was nasty, but that was just one of my many, many opinions. I was full of them. “I thought you said we didn’t have to talk?”
“Why is talking to me such a bad thing?” I wanted to know. I needed to know. He could go on ignoring me forever, but it made me want to pull my hair out—which was saying a lot, considering how long it took me to find a pink dye that didn’t fade after two showers.
“Because” was all he said, which clarified absolutely nothing.
He started to get up, but I grabbed him by the arm. My fingers wrapped around his arm, feeling the muscle underneath. I also felt him tense immediately, as if being touched so firmly by me was the worst thing ever. I…I don’t know why, but I didn’t like knowing that my touch repulsed him.
“No,” I said, still holding onto his arm, keeping him rooted beside me. I’d dropped my half-eaten pizza slice on top of the box. I was now on my knees next to him, prepared to play tug-o-war on his arm to keep him down. “You’re going to tell me, because I can’t go a whole year like this, Declan.”
Declan’s dark gaze was slow to meet mine. We’d never been so close before; it was the first time I noticed the small flecks of light amber speckling his brown irises. I’d always thought brown eyes were boring, but his? His I could stare into all day. His were gorgeous.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, but I was still lost in his eyes.
So pretty. Why didn’t I realize how pretty his stare was before? And his lips…they weren’t the thin lines some guys had. A perfect balance between being thin and being full, very kissable lips. Lips that were slightly parted as he looked at me, like there was more he wanted to say but couldn’t find the right words.
While I was lost in my own hormonal mind, my grip on his arm must’ve loosened, for he started to get up.
“Wait,” I said, getting to my own feet. His were bare, since he just got out of the shower; mine still had high tops on. Even so, he was a good six or seven inches taller than me. Not tall by guy standards, but the perfect height for me. I wouldn’t need to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him.
God, I should really stop thinking about kissing him. No one should open that can of worms. Besides, I was sure the moment I did anything remotely sexual with any of the guys on campus, rumors would spread like wildfire about me.
I could handle the rumors. I didn’t care what people said, but I did figure to hold them off at least until my second week of classes.
“Just leave me alone,” Declan said, his sorrow turning into annoyance. “I don’t need you to help me through this. I’m fine on my own.” If we would’ve been anywhere else, I was sure he would’ve stormed away after saying that, but he had nowhere else to go. The day was winding down, and he had no friends now.
It was a good thing I had nowhere to go, too.
“No one is fine on their own,” I told him, heartily believing it. Human beings were not meant for isolation. We liked community, liked friendship, and damn it all to hell—we liked gossiping. It’s why we did it so much. We needed each other. To be so isolated wasn’t healthy.
“I am,” he said, arguing with me. It was the most emotion I’d ever seen on his face.
Good. It meant we were getting somewhere.
“Then you’re a liar,” I said, shrugging.
Declan frowned at me. “I am not. You’re—” He stopped himself from saying whatever it was he wanted to say next. Something insulting about me, probably.
But why stop there? I bet I’d heard whatever it was he was going to say before. Nothing was new to me. It wasn’t like I was popular back in high school or elementary. I was always on the fringe of the class, with my single friend, Kelsey, and that was just fine. No one outright hated me, but no one loved me, either.
I would be the first one to admit I could be pushy, though.
“I’m what?” I egged him on. “Whatever you’re going to say, just say it.”
“You’re…” Declan glanced away, giving me his back. “You’re impossible.” Impossible, huh? I’d heard worse things.
“Why am I impossible? Because I wanted to eat dinner with you? Because I wanted to get to know my roommate better?” Impossible wasn’t exactly an insult, but I didn’t feel like it fit here, in this particular situation. “Well fucking sue me.”
