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“Because you’re supposed to be workin’ on your friendship. Wasn’t that the agreement?”
“I don’t think I can do it. I’m not strong enough.”
Ryan stopped skating near the net, and Hayes snowed him. “You don’t think you can do what?”
“Be friends with her. I’m thinking…I might need to find a new place to live.”
“Jesus. You’re gonna break her fuckin’ heart, Rook. She’s already a mess.”
“That makes two of us.”
“If you guys would just talk to each other. You can’t just cut her off completely. You have to try.”
“I can't, man.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because it fucking hurts!” Ryan yelled, gutturally, his voice echoing throughout the empty arena. “It fucking…hurts. What, so I’m gonna sit around and watch her date other guys, bring them home and listen to her fuck them? And don’t even get me started on you and her.”
“Here we fuckin’ go with this shit again! We haven’t done shit since that night, man. Not even a hug.”
“Give it time. I heard the way she moaned for you. I watched the way you guys kissed. I’m not a fucking idiot, Hayes.”
“It’s just sex, Rook. That’s all. I fuckin’ promise.”
“It’s never ‘just sex’, Hayes. Not with her.” He played with a puck as he talked, passing it from the front of his stick to the back, before winding up and cranking it into the boards.
“I’m heading back in. Don’t tell her about our conversation today. I don’t want her to know about the therapy, or…anything else. Understood?”
“I can’t do that, Rook. I can’t keep shit like that from her. Make you a deal though. I’ll keep quiet if you have this same conversation with her. She’s working tonight and we’ve got games today and tomorrow. So, I’ll give you until Sunday, or I’m singin’. Deal?”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Fine. Deal.”
Rookie Lap (24)
“So.”
“So.”
Amara and Ryan sat across from each other in a booth at Rocco’s, their favorite pizza place, which was about a 10-minute walk from their apartment. It was Sunday, the deadline Hayes had given Ryan before he would spill the beans to Amara. He’d approached her and asked if they could talk, which caught her off-guard, seeing as he’d been all but missing for the past few days.
She agreed but suggested that it be in public so that A, the conversation didn’t get too heated, and B, they didn’t end up horizontal.
“What’d you wanna talk about?” she asked quietly, playing with the straw in her Diet Coke.
“A few things. This first one, I really don’t wanna tell you. Honestly, I don’t really wanna tell you either, but Hayes threatened that if I don’t tell you, he will.”
“Ry? You’re freaking me out right now. Can you just get on with it?”
“Fine. So, I know I’ve been holed up in my room, as you called it. But there’s a reason. I’m…I started seeing a therapist, online, twice a week.”
“Ryan, that’s amazing!” she exclaimed, genuinely excited for him.
“Yeah. We’re weeding through a lot of my issues, like the anxiety and my panic attacks. But she’s working with me on my sex addiction as well, helping me get to the root causes and whatnot. I’m…kinda meeting myself for the first time ever. It’s weird, but it turns out, I don’t really know me.”
