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Mike scooted over, and Hayes sat down in between them, with Ryan mouthing, “It’s OK.”
“Nice to meet you, man. Baylor hasn't shut up about you for like, 20 minutes straight. I’m glad to see all our intuitions were spot on.”
“Yeah, it turns out, everyone knew I was gay but me.”
Hayes had taken a deep breath, grabbed Ryan’s hand, and the three of them shot the shit for a bit until Ryan decided it was time for them to call it a night.
Riding in silence for the entire trip back to the hotel, Hayes finally broke it when they were both in the bathroom, having just finished brushing their teeth.
“Rook?” he asked, palms pressed against the countertop and staring at Ryan in the mirror.
“Yeah?”
"You ever hook up with him?
"Does it matter?"
"No," He paused, then asked, “Do I have to worry about you?”
Ryan set his toothbrush down, wrapped his arms around his chest from behind, and stared at his beautiful boyfriend in the mirror. “No. I love you. Tyler? I love you.”
“Will you tell me if you, you know...”
“No. Because it won't happen."
“I wanna believe that.”
“Is there any reason not to?”
Hayes snickered, making a face at Ryan in the mirror. “Have you met you?”
“Yes, I have. Just recently, as a matter of fact. And you know what? For the first time ever, I kinda like myself. I’m in therapy, I’m working through the issues I’ve struggled with my whole life, and I’m in love with an amazing guy.” He kissed Hayes on the cheek and let go of him. “But I deserve your trust. And if you can’t give it to me, then that’s something you need to work on, not me.”
He left the bathroom, and Hayes followed him. “I trust you, Rook.”
“Good. Because you have absolutely no reason not to. Your past doesn’t define you, and my past doesn’t define me.” Ryan grabbed his hands, which were trembling. “Our present and our future? Those are what define us. OK?”
Hayes nodded. “OK.”
Ryan knew he’d never admit it to him, but Hayes was terrified.
And truth be told, so was Ryan. But he knew one thing: he was more terrified of a life without Hayes in it than anything else, and he wasn’t going to fuck this up, too.
As he waited for Hayes to come up, having stopped at his apartment to drop his things off and grab some clothes, he went into his room and set his travel bag down next to his dresser. Glancing at the picture of him, Amara, and Hayes out of habit, he noticed there was an envelope propped against it with his name on it. Confused, he picked it up, opened it, and began reading.
Ryan,
There are no excuses for what I’ve done to you. I was reckless in my treatment of you, something you didn’t deserve.
There is so much more I have to say to you in person, and someday, I will.
For now, I’ve paid the remainder of my portion of the lease, and I truly hope you can understand why I couldn’t stay.
You did everything right, Ryan. I’m sorry I didn’t.
Amara
On about the fifth read-through, he rushed over to her room, thinking maybe she was playing a cruel prank.
